‘Ullo. Grenaww Silc’s the name. Elinid’s me home town. I do alright by her and she does alright by me, if you get my meaning, which most folks do, soon enough, and feel a lot better for knowing so.
Now this lad who does the writing. Well, be honest he’s a bit of walnut. Told him so, and give him his due, he accepts that and does his best.
To be fayre to him, he’s given Elinid a good spread, been writing about the old town for years, he has, in one those affectionate ways, which is nice. ‘Course he started out the wrong way, gave us Silcs a minor, what they call, reference role, just to build up this Ven Jek bloke. Oh yes, I shouldn’t get started on them Jeks, going on like they was all moral and just roguish when they were just a bunch of small-time shifters. But anyway, times move on. Old Elinid prevails and us Silcs, we prosper and these days, apart from that Ven getting’ a mention amongst them Jordisk folk who fiddle with dangerous stuff, who knows about Jeks?
Yea, now this book. Old Walnut has a problem with writing villains. He can’t stands ‘em! Says they’re all cliché and trop and goes off like all those arty folk do as if someone had stuck a pin in their backsides. And he always writes these pantomime types, who you know are going to fall on their arses. I told him ‘Yer lookin’ in the wrong places sunshine. Yer lookin’ at those upper-class privileged wobblers that never had to get dirt under their finger nails fighting for a crust o’ bread. Any twonk can sound menacing and superior when they’re scaring peasants. It’s when you go on the backstreets where even the little ol’ grannies can slice you up that you’ll find the worthwhile folk’
He gets the message and pays attention to the way we do business in Elinid, then he finds that writing about folk who have to do things the tough way because that’s the way it is is not so difficult after all. Even says he enjoys it. Of course we don’t tell the lad everything, I mean aside from giving away trade secrets, it might be a bit, well, let’s just say, unsettling for some folk.
And it’s been alright, working with the other folk who are characters. Nice bunch, once you get passed all of their peculiarities, but as I says Folks is Folks and that’s the way it is.
I didn’t get involved with all the editing and re-writing stuff, not really my strong hand o’ cards. My trouble was, when we came to the bit about his nibbs trying to sell the books, that’s where me and him had a BIG falling out. I look at it this way y’see. We gave him all of our special insight into villainy and so forth, so we, me and the boys we expect something for our efforts; a bit of the old gold, y’ know. But it turns out he’s a bigger walnut at that, than writing! All we see is pennies! I have to say to him ‘This is a bit o’ a disappointment, this is, sunshine. You talked a brighter version than this to me. So what’s all this about then?’ And he gives me an old sob story about marketing and profiles. Which means I have to get stern with him, then ask him to hand over the figures for me to look at. And that did it for me , I can tell you.
‘5 sold and 18 given away!’ I says ‘What’s this 18 given away then?!’. Well I grant you I might have been a bit loud, but there was no need for him to panic, hide under a table and babble on about his blimpin’ profiles. I wasn’t going to stand for all that arse-blast, I tell you.
So, I have to have a word with you folk, direct, and I hope civilised, that you’ll understand.
About this book ‘Of Patchwork Warrior’
‘Err Mr.Silc, I would rather you didn’t,’
‘Sush! This is business stuff. Not your strength.’
Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, as I see it. He’s been giving these books away and selling some of them at very, very reasonable prices. Well, what springs to my mind is the old saying ‘Favour for a favour’...see what I mean. If you got a copy either free or very cheap then see it from my viewpoint, is it too much to ask for folk to say how much they enjoyed the read, or if they didn’t then say so, we’re all grown-ups here. But just a quick mention, somewhere on your ‘NET’ would be a very nice thing to do..as I see it. Spread the Good Word. Help the Old Sales bit. Shake up the market. You know, me and the boys are very old fashioned, and we think that would just be, well Good Manners. Although we are a bit rough about the edges, we reckon civility costs nothing, particularly when someone got the book for free. And we do dislike…
‘Err…Mr Silc, I’m sure they didn’t mean-‘
‘Quiet Walnut! You’re interrupting AND that is RUDE! Get back under your table’
Now where was I….Oh yeh….This NET is interesting, I got our lad Wigran (he’ll have his say at some stage I’m sure) to check it out for me, not as flexible as our stuff on the Stommigheid, but he was able to find out who has a copy of which book (there’s some other stuff I never got involved with) and that was MOST INTERESTING..
‘Oh dear this is not going well…there will be repercussions…’
‘Mr Grutch! Would you please apply a sock to his mouth for me………Thank you Mr Grutch,’
‘No problem Guv’nor,’
I am sorry for the interruptions, you know how fragile some of these writers can be. Anyways I’ve not got much else to say really. Gave you my side of the business and made our feelings known. So I hope you folk understand. After all, we can all get along together. Can’t we?
Nice speaking with you.
Take care now. It’s a twisty old world. You never know what might happen, if you’re not CAREFUL and not PAYING ATTENTION.
Be SEEING you.
Don’t forget now
OF PATCHWORK WARRIORS
‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!
An Author’s Concerns