Marketing Day 3. No Excuses Thursday

So……

This book launch.

I dutifully adjusted every page as advised by Kindle, the chapters still run into each other; the price was set as 0.99cents  Amazon UK shows 0.99p as Amazon US shows $1.20. Now normally this would give me sufficient material to blog a post bewailing my fate as an author being tormented by the vagaries, and I could be ironic, sardonic & satirical.

No chance…..not this time…no sneaking out under a smoke-screen of humour.

Because…..

So there I was, scrolling through the ‘See What’s Inside’ and I’d barely reach half-way through and I found one grammatical error and one extra ‘(‘ which had slipped in.

Oh lackadaisical fellow!! You transgressor of how many Writer’s-Basic-Rules-I-Don’t-Not-Know! You BAD writer!!

I now leave the more experienced and successful to shake their heads and go about their business and address these remarks o those who are just starting out or who are half-way through starting out OR have stopped starting out and wondering where to go next.

Y’see this is where ‘The’ BAD comes in.

BAD Writer: Dfn–  Ascribed to their approach in publishing their work

It is all nice enough to be able write well, and to feel the satisfaction of a work completed. HOWEVER when the next move comes which is putting the work out into the public domain, then one must really have more than just a few degrees of practical sobriety.

Before anything say to yourself several times a day: ‘I will see my work published. I will not wait on the vagaries of editors. I will self-publish.’

OK: As follows

Preparation

This can go on while you are writing.

Covers

Well, there are self-publishing outlets that supply formatted covers and some of us like deluded ourselves into thinking readership will get the ironic meaning of the cover. BAD- the laws of probability demand there will be books into double if not triple figures with the same cover. Then you’ll be relying on the title to be eye-catching and this can lead to hyperbole which just looks odd to the reader. Thus research those services that provide covers and cost them. Or if you are skilled in photography, computer graphics and combinations thereof you can work on one yourself.

Writing tools

No not pen, paper, or a laptop! Don’t try and be cute!!. Go and Search Engine and see what I mean….No I am a BAD writer I do not use such stuff I would not know what to suggest or where to start or how to use them. Thus my books are patchworks( shameless plug) of plot and characters where continuity struggles to make itself known. This is fine if you are messing about with a Fantasy work (BAD writers always mess about), but can lead to trouble with any other genre.

Editors

It’s no use me trying to write any words of sense on the matter. I will not be told. I know best. I care not for a professional’s opinion. My ephemeral audience who is waiting in the ethereal knowledge that I out there (or here) writing for them will understand when the work arrives. This is BAD approach if you are intending to be very serious and professional about your work. If you can’t afford an editor then seek out a Beta-Reader.

Thus as you are writing your work and can be researching the above and learning about other aspects which I have overlooked, forgotten or not known about because I am a BAD writer.

Now your work is completed and you want everything to smoothly (f’rinstance, editors or Beta-readers might accept a few typos or other errors but wading through pages of them will not create a good impression)

Firstly

Have someone read the work for spelling, typos, grammar and odd things which Word has snuck in when you weren’t looking. If you can’t find someone then read the work yourself, but do be detached look only for the above, otherwise you’ll be re-writing forever and forever.

Secondly

If you decided you didn’t want anybody telling you what to do with your work, then you had best go over again and put yourself in the place of another reader. Print out the whole book and look at; it’s surprising once you see your work in the cold-light of print of different it looks. (Be honest, are not some of those paragraphs a bit long and cover too many scenes?)

Thirdly   

Apart from friends and family, does anyone out there know what you are a doing of. Have you been Twittering, Facebooking, Blogging etc about your project? Even I blog about my writing. Having a few folk knowing what’s on its way does help.

Fourthly

There’s bound to be at least a Fourthly but I can’t think of it, that’s what BAD writers are all about.

Lastly

Never give up, that’s really BAD!!

 

Ah me, I shall away now to my allegorical castle battlements and since it is conveniently night time I will look out of the slowly flowing river, observe the rippled reflection of the full moon and address a soliloquy on the pains of authorship to the pine forest on the other bank.

Marketing Day.2 ‘Man! Can you believe this cat?’ *

 

 

 

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Survival Guide: Getting Lost In The Majesty of Creation ( or one very small bit…The Kuiper Belt)

I would like to extend my thanks to all the folk who commented on my earlier post Survival Guide: Keeping Your Sanity Intact.

As you could tell I was in a Sounding Off mood, so it was quite humbling to find out how folk were telling me how much they appreciated the post. I had best not elaborate any further lest I slip in Oscar Acceptance mode.

Anyway. So we sit there and decide to write something about the wonder which is Creation; the Universe; the Cosmology and at the other end of the scale The Quantum, and try and encapsulate it all…..

…..which is when our heads start to spin.

Rather than have my head fly off, which is bound to inconvenience my darling wife as I did promise cut back some of hedge of ivy this week, I would like to give you this example of the sort of thing which keeps me close to Stability.

Firstly a bit of an introduction to the source.

BBC has a world-wide reputation and if it would stop trying to be fashionably image savvy and also cut back on some of its gaudier stuff all would be well, but that’s for another time. The radio wing boasts Radio 4 which covers a wide scope of programmes, one of which is my favourite: In Our Time; broadcast twice on a Thursday  morning edition 45mins; evening edition edited down to 30mins, the format is quite simple host Melvyn Bragg (something of a British institution) and a topic; Arts, History, Religion, Philosophy, Politics, Science and three experts in the field and they basically talk, prompted or shepherded by Bragg: Use your favourite search engine tap in ‘BBC In Our Time’ and it should lead you there. Programme or played back on your device

This topic for this particular episode is The Kuiper Belt, a vast array of matter left over from the formation of this Solar System. The detail which flows out in plain language is amazing and when you consider this solar system does not even measure as a pin-prick in the scheme of things then the transitory blow-hards can simply be filed away as ‘So What’

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08g7ttx

As Melvyn Bragg says in the podcast introduction ‘I hope you enjoy the programme’

As a conclusion, if science is not your choice then have a rummage through the other programmes on offer (there have been times when I’ve downloaded about 30 programmes and cheerfully wandered through so many subjects on my MP3)

Marketing Day.2 ‘Man! Can you believe this cat?’ *

Sometimes you just can beat a bit of Latin to sum up a situation; in this case

Alea Icata Est (I bet you know it, there again if  I’m wrong not don’t worry, it’s easy to google).

 

The trouble with my mind is it is prone to febrile-fit. On Saturday night, last I decided all was well with The History of the Isles project and I would place it upon Kindle, and the whole thing went smoothly (sort of; I learnt about TN104s from the IRS and a funny bank number I didn’t realise was there- it’s for overseas stuff) and was thus quite wired when the whole thing was finished.

Then I found I could access the proposed layout and noticed some of the chapters were running together, but in my appallingly frivolous mind-set judged this to be either all part of what Kindle does, or ‘gosh, well I’m done with it now’ and went ahead with what I laughingly call marketing.Marketing Day- A True History of The Isles is a Book!!

Ah, and cameth Sunday and reflections.’ Just what the heck (or other words) do you think you’re up to, man?? You’ve asked folk to shell out cash…..Never Mind How Much!….We are talking principles here!!..On a shabby bit of work. Get your brain out of whatever part of the anatomy it’s slithered into and do something about it!!’……For once I was quite acquiescent, and agreed to do so but not frantic because according to Amazon the book wouldn’t be out until Tuesday. So today was scheduled.

There now follows that rare episode when this blog produces a useful bit of technical stuff.

If you are intending to publish via Kindle and are using Word, and wish for chapters not to run together, then at the end of every chapter, click on INSERT and then PAGE BREAK….errrr…that’s it.

Thus this afternoon I followed this advice and all seemed to go ok and I guessed that another 72hrs would go by before the book saw the light of Amazon; thus Thursday, sometime. The problem this time being previously I could find a draft of the Kindle Book, but access, seemed to have vanished. But everything was cool, yeh?

So this evening tide I just checked the status and Oh My Sainted Aunt, the book was ‘Live’…..Live? I scrambled over to Kindle, and there it was…I read the extract, and there were the chapters…..all running together. (and as the characters in my fantasy project say when exasperated or alarmed)…..Oh frib!!

Now whether or not this will be amended through the wonders of modern cyber-things I cannot say; lucky for me the project is humorous.

Ah, this is me folks when in ‘publishing mode’. This is where the ‘Heroically Bad’ bit comes in. This is probably why my projects should only be carried out under strict supervision. This is where all folk who are new to writing and are regular readers of my blogs are advised to start making notes under the heading ‘What Not To Do’

This is where I say….’Goodnight all’

 

Tomorrow we shall consider more of ‘What Not To Do’

Inventions

*

For those of you not familiar with 1950s/1960s idioms, approximate equivalents in use today:

“WTF!!?” (naturally)

“Oh honestly!! (more All-Age socially acceptable)

“Ah…Those Who Cannot Learn From The Past Are Condemned To Repeat It,” (for best affect said in a sombre tone with a sad shake of the head)

“Quite frankly, he deserves a clip around the ear ‘ole!” (traditional brit-speak, but the practice is now illegal)

“Get your act together!!”

“Dude!” (which seems to cover all situations)

Marketing Day- A True History of The Isles is a Book!!

It is here, as intimated in previous posts!don_martin-running_like_mad

That which began as a simple means of releasing frustrations and downright annoyance at the nascent and ridiculous nationalism released by the Brexit Fur-ren-dumb. Which then evolved into a series of posts has now taken book form and within the next 60 hours (or so) will be available through Amazon’s Kindle for the economic sum of 0.80p or 0.99 cents or 0.93 of a euro, and so forth. (ratesofexchangemayvarypleasecheckyourconverter).Victorian writing

(At this point I was going to insert a YouTube of Handel’s The Halleluiah Chorus, but since I might get into copyright problems because this post can be classed as Marketing…..errr…I didn’t…so instead here’s a picture of Handel  Handel_GF 

and you can hum the tune)

Title??

Oh yes, of course silly me!!muttley_laughing_by_sektor8bit-d7fv6sh

The True History of The Isles Volume 1 Prehistory to 1216 Ce-ish.

My authorship name is R J Llewellyn, but searching by that method is not advised; at least not in the UK because normally you get referred to either very academic books or erotica, neither of which I remotely associated with (You know how quirky the Amazon search engine can be).funny-victorian-era-photos-silly-vintage-photography-9-575132ee985f9__700

As with all writers of histories I hope to cause controversies, be labelled as a ……….. (whatever), be vilified in prestigious history journals and Joy of Joys be criticised on social mediaDaffy duck for as the old show-biz agent’s saying goes ‘No Publicity Is Bad Publicity’

To mark this event, there will be a series of posts this week covering such topics as:

Doesn’t Kindle Do Funny Things To The Layout of Your Book, and Why I Left It As It Was.(serious reason)

How Not To Market A Book (The Heroically Bad Writer explains they are who they are)

How To Get The Best Out Of This Book

Some Thoughts on Writing Histories.

Some Thoughts on Writing.

Future Volumes

I will also confirm that Amazon’s computers have not gone all Skynet 20160109_153650 and have actually placed it as available. Tuesday 14th March 2017 19:00 GMT (I think)

In conclusion….Thanks my fellow WP community members; you have made it possible that another book has been produced…….As for the ramifications of that event  I will shoulder the blame.

 

A True History of These Isles-Introduction and Part 1

Survival Guide: Keeping Your Sanity Intact

As we know in this day and age in the light of events recent and not so-recent you cannot help but wonder…..’WHAAAAAAAAT!’

Now I know most readers will think I’m going down the road of the USA Presidential Elections or the UK British Brexit referendum, which would be rational, however they are but two examples.

Let me just cite a few in my recent experience both personal and witnessed.

The ‘religious forum’ I gave up on. The fundamentalist atheist who argued I had no business believing in science and a God and had a closed mind for doing so (no kidding…It’s E=MC2 or nothing in his world)

The british comic who in his temper-tantrum (no satire, just a foul-mouthed tirade) over the US elections (his followers thought he was being witty) ranted “Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not against Americans. I like overweight mass-killers as much as anyone” (The way he said it…..Apparently all Americans……Racism anyone?)

Then there were the sour gnomes who were being nasty about a group of US girls soccer team because they all wore headscarves in solidarity with a Muslim team-member who had been told she couldn’t (Mind you I don’t think the gnomes expected me to turn up in one of my very combatative, vitriolic and abusive moods….. when that fellow is let loose watch out)  

Oh yes that inadequate over in the US who not having any backbone claims it’s a constitutional right to be offensive

Anyway enough about these brothers and sisters in the unfaith of negativity

 Ways to escape all of this toxicity

Put it into a Universal Context and Perspective.

Consider the size and the age of The Universe and the myriad histories which exist out there and of which we shall never know. And when the foolish and limited people have gone and are long forgotten by generations ahead, the majesty of this Creation will still be moving on, and their time and their egos will not have shifted its progress not one smallest measure of distance or velocity.

Consider The Laws Which Govern the Universe (Well the bits we know about)

These are still being discovered. But, well despite all the huff ‘n puff generated and the ways they will try to screw with you. There is still gravity. Water is comprised of molecules which are made up of 2 x Hydrogen atoms & 1 x Oxygen atoms. Light moves at a speed. Scientists have and will continue to discover complex laws which make the world we know move and progress. And there is no one dam’ thing any blow-hard, hate-monger, or inadequate internet crawler can do about it. Nothing creeps! You ‘cannae change the Laws of Physics’- yeh- You. Pretty pathetic, aren’t you? Not so a hot-shot!

What Us Humans Do

To name but a few ….We congratulate the excited woman who says she is expecting a child and wish her well. We will run to the child who has fallen and comfort them. We weep at loss. We will dig with our bare hands even when they are raw and bleeding to rescue someone. We will risk our life to safe another. We will marvel at a sunrise. We care for animals. We share the pain of a friend even a stranger. We take on burdens. We work for our families. We make mistakes and we get up again. And you toxics will not stop that

WP- Writers

We are one. We encourage. We advise. We support. We congratulate. We unite under sacred urge to create positive work. We transcend politics, religion, gender, nation, genre, style.

So neighbours, brothers, sisters, friends, when it’s all getting to look like the Low-Priests of Hate and Narrowness of any stripes are taking hold, remember at the end of it all…they are, were and always will be transitory and when they are gone; We and The Worlds about us will continue……..

Keep on keeping folks.

Well bless my boots, I’m almost taking my writing seriously!!

Jumping Jolly Jubes!! ( If you are in the US you can translate to jelly beans, if you are in the UK,-insert whatever brand name you care. For the majority of the world….err…choose whatever you care to )

Oh bother…where was I Me

Ah yes…..Jumping Jolly Jubes!!

Yesterday I completed the first draft of the first volume of my authoritative history of the Isles of England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Mann and Channel Isles. This is the second project which has hit target!!happy-face-clipart-12

 

 

So I have my Patchwork Novel and My History both subject to an almost serious process of review and revision.About to Rant

 

Thank you one and all on WP Social Graces for showing me the way

Where they both sort of began….

The Patchwork Warriors # 1

A True History of These Isles-Introduction and Part 1