Category Archives: Quirks

When the Demon Comes A’ Callin’

Title: Quote from the very cool over the top Predator 2

Predator 2

Annddddd….

It happens to us all, OR if you want to be pedantic, it has, is and will happen to every writer…..

This I mean…..

‘Oh (exclamation of despair)! Who am I fooling. Why am I bothering. Who is gonna care what I write…right?’Unit2_Lesson2

Yep!  About three-quarters a way through the first draft of the Second Novel in a three (or maybe four) book series.

The words hadn’t stopped flowing, the plot miasma (I never write with an outline) was still there. And, yet there was one of those sneak attacks by the ‘What Is The Point Of It All?*’ demon. Yep, anyone who writes and doesn’t become a ‘name’ gets it. The feeling may be more tolerable the ones the ‘names’ get such as ‘Where’s My Next Plot?’ or ‘What Happens if The Critics Don’t Like It?’.

Every so often this blog is host to one of my rousing posts on the noble cause of writing Just Because and don’t let anyone stop you. And I still hold to these words and thoughts. It’s nice to read of a fellow writer getting a breakthrough or publishing another book. My fingers start twitching in concert with my brain when I read of someone having doubts or getting *WITPOIA (I wonder how is best to pronounce that anacronym? It does sound to be deserving of a solid pronunciation).

And yet, there I was 102,480 words. One Hundred and Two Thousand, Four Hundred and Eighty Words and…..

WALLOP!!!!!…..I am sitting there before the keyboard all deflated and dried up, to extent it even hurt a bit.

Thus puzzled with myself I set to doing some back-checking on possible causes.

OK there was the weirdness. Other people get SAD in in the winter, I get it in the summer (unless in woods, near rivers and away from crowds). So, possible cause.

And there was the lack of action on my published works….Well be fair mate, you aren’t paying attention to the marketing…are you now? I mean the writing is the easy bit…Yeh I know, I know..Ohh I suppose you are right (I often have these conversations with myself- do you?)

Then there was that mix of day-to-day ‘things’ which are like grit in the machine or mud on the wheels and drag you down a bit. You never know when they are going to pile up.

Check reveals it was the usual suspects which this time had all coalesced to form a Perfect Block. Situation filed as NOT UNUSUAL. Ride it out.

I set myself to cutting up small pieces of wood in the garden. Those arising from trees which had to cut down on account of them assailing walls and depriving other plant life of growth. Rather than throw the wood out I was busily doing ‘things’ with the bits.

I, also, set myself to cutting up small pieces of cardboard….no don’t run off…Let me explain…..Print and Play board games, cheaper than buying the whole boxed thing but they do require some time, cutting and gluing.

Well after a couple of days (and daze) of doing this to listening to an audio book of a fantasy author, the Good Ol’ Smidge  Just a Smidge came back and a small grumblin’ voice began to whisper ‘Y’ know you can do as good as this don’tcha?. Get on with that lousy first draft, finish the blessed thing! Then have fun re-writing, y’ know you like that bit’.

And back I went to the work.

Y’see dear readers this can and does indeed happen to any writer. Have no fear. Keep faith in yourself. The doubt and the pain will pass and the urge to put words to paper will return.

OH the joys of being an author!!

fed_up_woman-620x412

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‘Of Patchwork Warriors’: The Chapter Seventeen Incident- An Appeal for Discernment

Good day to you all at The Word Press City!! It’s really nice of you to take the time out of off your own projects and efforts and listen to what I have to say.

Firstly I’d best introduce myself, I’m Merklin Silc, brother of Grenaww, known to you folk as MR Silc. He takes care of the family business, that’s the trading and a few family emporiums whereas it was decided I could best serve our hometown of Elinid by endeavouring to gain a seat the City Council, which currently it is my honour to do so. Between us, I feel we are contributing to the city which gave birth to us.

You don’t meet me very much in the books. It’s not my role to be there. How could I hope to emulate those heroics and efforts of the other characters?  No, here I am happy to be in the background to serve by ensuring things go smoothly for all the communities in our colourful city. It’s so rewarding to help people and to enlighten them as to the complexities of the running of a big city.

But even if you are involved in mammoth tasks like that, you should never think yourself too above the ordinary day-to-day business of those ordinary folk who are the very foundations of life. So when one of my brother’s employees came to me to express concerns over what could be seen either as a minor commercial effort or arguably a civic drive I just had to take time out.

It involves these very difficult transactions between Your World and Ours in the matter of writing books. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I know absolutely nothing about how the whole things work. Such as how our folk get into your novels, or who has control of which part. I am simply proud to see we have a measure of co-operation going on in what is the area of The Arts. I do wish I had more time to spend appreciating them, but the demands of office are many and continual.

However, regarding the problem. The author of this book ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ by R J LlewellynPatchwork

a writer of determination and perception is quite the valiant independent, something I feel you will agree we must all salute. Sadly in striving to attain his goals certain errors arose. Personally, I do not feel they were very important, not when you exam the circumstances. For has he not given away many copies and those sold were sold at very low prices? Some might be annoyed at the duplication of a chapter, I would say to them ‘Mistakes were made. But lessons were learned’. I have had a chance to discuss with worthy experts the methods of transfers of information between our world and yours, and I am quite satisfied the minor errors arose through the implementation of the forces of The Stommigheid which as you realise by now are very complicated. The matter will be rectified, and a new edition will be launched by the end of what you can a month.

In the meantime, to prove his generosity and good-will if I may use his name, Roger, has allowed the current flawed copy to be given away free for the next two days. And may I say, this is typical of the spirit in which he writes. I have read something of his, as you call it, blog and he is a fellow who strives for every writer to have their say, a true champion of the cause. Something as a public servant I truly recognise.

I’m sorry but I will have to leave you now because there are matters of council business which will not wait any longer, this is the burden you’ve got to shoulder….

Sorry….just bear with me, a message has arrived……Hmm…

Well, well!! This is a surprise! It would seem we will be getting to know more of each other. I’ve just had a message from Roger, it seems he wishes to feature me more in the later works. Now that is a surprise! I’m quite stuck for words!! It really is such the honour!! I can’t think why he would want to do that, just well…I shall do my best.

Good wishes to you all

Merklin Silc

(Councillor of Elidian City, Chairman of Civic Ways and Means, Secretary for Fiscal Appointments, and Advisor to Guild of Notables. Entitled Honoured Citizen. Civic Worthy by Proclamation and Indentured Friend to The Distressed)

Don’t forget now….

Patchwork

 An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

 

 

 

 

 

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

I told the writer, he of an excess o’ names, that I was gonna have mah say ‘cause ‘Kitlin’ (that’s Karlyn to you) was fussin’ me to do so, an’ he starts to get agitated ‘bout the way I speak an’ sayin’ I should tone down mah accent.

‘Why’s tha?’ I say

‘Because people will say no one talks like that,’ he says in a nervous manner

‘An these people,’ I say in a polite but firm way ‘They’d be from Sudd-Hengestatia?’

At this juncture he gets all flustered an’ starts going on about the way some folk speak or are portrayed as speakin’ in his world and I point out I am NOT from his world, thus what the frib’ is he worryin’ fer?

He exits ‘bout then

(Though I did promise to speak a measure more refined when the occasion did require)

So, anyhows I am Arketre Beritt. I am actually serving in the LifeGuard, tha’ an’t made up. In point o’ fact I was posted into this narrative on account of the original girl styled as military was too cute, an’ always cheery. Y’all try an’ be cute and cheery when up to tryin’ to save a life yer up to y’ arms in innards an’ all that resides in them. Damn foolish idea! Anyways I get called over by my Major an’ he tells me I’m gonna be takin’ part in one of your world’s books an’ jus’ be myself, what he meant by that I am not rightly certain.

‘My Major,’ I say ‘I’m not expected to exhibit tactical genius nor be orderin’ whole armies ‘bout the place am I? Because that stuff is not in a medician’s purview,’

An’ he just says with a sliver of a sly smile.

‘Jus’ be yourself Medician,’

Bein’ typical military they don’t go giving me full details, so I turn up into this narrative and do my best getting’ into the flow of it, an’ Thank The Good Lord God they do put me in a typical LifeGuard setting to start with, even fittin’ bits of mah own life in, which was kina helpful, with all the midden what’s goin’ on around me. This Stommigheid, or as we in the LifeGuard call it The Astatheia being the main pain in my backside, because next thing I’m knownin’ is the whole damn thing is Reality, leastways as far as Reality as any of us kan be expected to perceive.

This would have been some cause for compliant save for me meetin’ with Karlyn. Now I’ve had mah fair share o’ conquests and interestin’ interludes, like any good LifeGuard trooper, but she is somethin’ special. An’ folks that’s all y’gonna know. I told his writerness ‘Course y’all should damn well write ‘bout us getting’ together. S’obvious an’ it? Y’all pay attention to the fribbin’ narrative willa? But don’t y’all go puttin’ unnecessary details in. T’aint dignified’

He did not argue over that.

Then there’s Trelli, an’ she is the sweetest most trustworthy friend y’ could hope to ever have. She’s of a kindly nature too, which is good since us other two tend to get a bit rough an’ prone to physical retribution upon anyone who gets in our way, so she calms us down, at times. Except when she gets fierce, then folks ‘Everyone duck!’

On the whole it’s not bein’ so bad, as a trooper’s life goes, an’ getting’ to make decisions of a minor tactical nature was bound to happen I suppose. Makes a change from curin’ Particular Boils, checkin’ back-ends for worms along with all the other woes that befall bodies. Though I’m guessin’ there’s gonna be a whole more of a sewer’s worth dropped on mah poor blonde head at some stage, wouldn’t be army life otherwise.

Some of the others had been agitating about this marketing hoo-hah, which I was none too excited about, I mean how would you like to have lots of strangers knowin’ all about your personal details an’ activities an’ those doubts and fears we’re all plagued with. Point ‘o fact since it’s become apparent that Dozy Fingers  the Writer messed up with his publishin’ process, there’s a whole stop on that side o’things. Kan’t say, I’m surprised at a foul-up having been in the army for a few years, jus’ fribbin’ glad he an’t mah officer. An’ kan’t say I’m too bothered ’bout the business either, someone will sort it out; someone always will. In the meantime, I’ll keep on keepin’ my and my folks delicates intact.

Come to think o’ it. The whole thing is like The LifeGuard.

Anyways, take mah advice an’ steer clear of the book until someone tells y’ it’s all sorted out.

Be seein’ y’.

 

An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

 

Hello.

My name in Wigran Hendrechan and you’ll find something about me in ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’.

I’m not really one of the heroes nor at present, a truly central character, although to be fair if it wasn’t for me Trelli wouldn’t be the strong person she has become. I don’t mean to sound arrogant about that, but it is a fact of Cause and Effect in the book. When you read the narrative, you’ll find there is a great deal of interaction between The Stommigheid and folk and all sorts of things happen no one expects. (Actually, I don’t like the term Stommigheid, that’s too judgemental. The Ethereal is more apt because the whole business is very difficult to pin down in simple sentences)

I’ve been trying to explain all of this to Roger who makes our adventures known in your world. He’s quite sharp on the uptake on the subtleties, but does get lost with the calculations, which I admit involve numbers which don’t seem much like regular numbers, hence the title of a seminal work ‘On Number Where There Are None’ (it’s a bit of a pun, if you know your way about the discipline).

We get on very well together. Once he realised it was a bit unfair for me to be a sort of continual comic relief and be perpetually in a ‘Will they? Won’t they?’ relationship with Trelli. We talked it over quite a bit and worked out some deeper moves for Volume II. He was very helpful there because I was all for going on dying heroically in Volume I but he convinced me to stay with the narrative because of The Potential.

Yes, it is an odd concept isn’t it? I mean, you think we might die, but in our world we don’t we just move into another narrative, or if we choose we go back to our other lives. The duality or even the quadrality is all very straightforward to us, but there again we live by a quite different set of circumstances, which is why we can get exist with The Ethereal so well. Karlyn gets the idea straight away. Arketre being military just reckons ‘It’s another mission. Only with more fun’. Trelli keeps her thoughts to herself, which is fair enough. As for Mr Silc, well he’s made his views plain….I apologise for that interlude, but Mr. Silc is MR. SILC.

I should have ensured these thoughts were dispatched two or so days ago, then this most singular and unexpected event was uncovered. Some while ago Roger and I had checked the book for the Second Edition issue and all seemed well and clean (well apart from the odd words or punctuation, but these things will happen). Then we find out, that Chapter Seventeen had duplicated itself into the format of the narrative. I tell you we were both perplexed, we thought we had been carefully through this together.

Roger was all for blaming what he considers in a malignant form of life which exists in the devices you know as computers and it was done to simply to agonise him. I explained to him that our oculators are more sensitive, being attuned to colour codes and tydes of the Ethereal, whereas your computers are somewhat clunky. Therefore, I had to conclude the error had arisen during an interlude when The Ethereal or Stommigheid if you will, had flowed between our two states of existence and had inserted an older version of the chapter into the narrative we were turning into the book.

Another fascinating possibility is the whole event was caused by the merging of two separate streams of Time, so the earlier chapter was brought from ‘a time ago’ and included in ‘The Present’, both terms being approximates.

Anyway, we are working on another edition which we hope will have expunged the aforementioned chapter, although we cannot be certain because The Ethereal is quite a strong and persistent force.

You will understand, therefore, why I am not getting involved in this marketing aspect. I mean I can’t go on about something which has what you would consider a flaw. If you don’t mind I prefer to think of it as a manifestation of the vastness and complexity of The Ethereal.

Thank you for your ‘time’ (that’s another pun by the way)

An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

 Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Ullo. Grenaww Silc’s the name. Elinid’s me home town. I do alright by her and she does alright by me, if you get my meaning, which most folks do, soon enough, and feel a lot better for knowing so.

Now this lad who does the writing. Well, be honest he’s a bit of walnut. Told him so, and give him his due, he accepts that and does his best.

To be fayre to him, he’s given Elinid a good spread, been writing about the old town for years, he has, in one those affectionate ways, which is nice. ‘Course he started out the wrong way, gave us Silcs a minor, what they call, reference role, just to build up this Ven Jek bloke. Oh yes, I shouldn’t get started on them Jeks, going on like they was all moral and just roguish when they were just a bunch of small-time shifters. But anyway, times move on. Old Elinid prevails and us Silcs, we prosper and these days, apart from that Ven getting’ a mention amongst them Jordisk folk who fiddle with dangerous stuff, who knows about Jeks?

Yea, now this book. Old Walnut has a problem with writing villains. He can’t stands ‘em! Says they’re all cliché and trop and goes off like all those arty folk do as if someone had stuck a pin in their backsides. And he always writes these pantomime types, who you know are going to fall on their arses. I told him ‘Yer lookin’ in the wrong places sunshine. Yer lookin’ at those upper-class privileged wobblers that never had to get dirt under their finger nails fighting for a crust o’ bread. Any twonk can sound menacing and superior when they’re scaring peasants. It’s when you go on the backstreets where even the little ol’ grannies can slice you up that you’ll find the worthwhile folk’

He gets the message and pays attention to the way we do business in Elinid, then he finds that writing about folk who have to do things the tough way because that’s the way it is is not so difficult after all. Even says he enjoys it. Of course we don’t tell the lad everything, I mean aside from giving away trade secrets, it might be a bit, well, let’s just say, unsettling for some folk.

And it’s been alright, working with the other folk who are characters. Nice bunch, once you get passed all of their peculiarities, but as I says Folks is Folks and that’s the way it is.

I didn’t get involved with all the editing and re-writing stuff, not really my strong hand o’ cards. My trouble was, when we came to the bit about his nibbs trying to sell the books, that’s where me and him had a BIG falling out. I look at it this way y’see. We gave him all of our special insight into villainy and so forth, so we, me and the boys we expect something for our efforts; a bit of the old gold, y’ know. But it turns out he’s a bigger walnut at that, than writing! All we see is pennies! I have to say to him ‘This is a bit o’ a disappointment, this is, sunshine. You talked a brighter version than this to me. So what’s all this about then?’ And he gives me an old sob story about marketing and profiles. Which means I have to get stern with him, then ask him to hand over the figures for me to look at. And that did it for me , I can tell you.

‘5 sold and 18 given away!’ I says ‘What’s this 18 given away then?!’. Well I grant you I might have been a bit loud, but there was no need for him to panic, hide under a table and babble on about his blimpin’ profiles. I wasn’t going to stand for all that arse-blast, I tell you.

So, I have to have a word with you folk, direct, and I hope civilised, that you’ll understand.

About this book ‘Of Patchwork Warrior’Patchwork

 

‘Err Mr.Silc, I would rather you didn’t,’

‘Sush! This is business stuff. Not your strength.’

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, as I see it. He’s been giving these books away and selling some of them at very, very reasonable prices. Well, what springs to my mind is the old saying ‘Favour for a favour’...see what I mean. If you got a copy either free or very cheap then see it from my viewpoint, is it too much to ask for folk to say how much they enjoyed the read, or if they didn’t then say so, we’re all grown-ups here. But just a quick mention, somewhere on your ‘NET’ would be a very nice thing to do..as I see it. Spread the Good Word. Help the Old Sales bit. Shake up the market.  You know, me and the boys are very old fashioned, and we think that would just be, well Good Manners. Although we are a bit rough about the edges, we reckon civility costs nothing, particularly when someone got the book for free. And we do dislike…

‘Err…Mr Silc, I’m sure they didn’t mean-‘

‘Quiet Walnut! You’re interrupting AND that is RUDE! Get back under your table’

Now where was I….Oh yeh….This NET is interesting, I got our lad Wigran (he’ll have his say at some stage I’m sure) to check it out for me, not as flexible as our stuff on the Stommigheid, but he was able to find out who has a copy of which book (there’s some other stuff I never got involved with) and that was MOST INTERESTING..

‘Oh dear this is not going well…there will be repercussions…’

‘Mr Grutch! Would you please apply a sock to his mouth for me………Thank you Mr Grutch,’

Mmmmff!’

‘No problem Guv’nor,’

I am sorry for the interruptions, you know how fragile some of these writers can be. Anyways I’ve not got much else to say really. Gave you my side of the business and made our feelings known. So I hope you folk understand. After all, we can all get along together. Can’t we?

Nice speaking with you.

Take care now. It’s a twisty old world. You never know what might happen, if you’re not CAREFUL and not PAYING ATTENTION.

Be SEEING you.

Don’t forget now

OF PATCHWORK WARRIORS

Patchwork

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

An Author’s Concerns

 

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Hi Karlyn here!!

‘Lo everyone! I said I’d be back didn’t I?

For meself, speaking personally, I was pleased  wiv’ the way ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ went. There was a lot of running about, thumpin’ blokes wot deserved it, stabbing a few an’ I got to climb up as many trees as I wanted to AN’ talk to so many really interesting and clever bees and butterflys. AN’ a made a really best good friend Trelli, who understands me. And is kindly an’ sweet.

AND ‘course there was (hee-hee) Flaxi, whose proper name is Arketre but she’s got this lovely blonde hair! So my pet name for ‘er is Flaxi!….But I’m not supposed to say too much ‘bout us ‘cause Flaxi’s particular about HOW much you lot should know. She says ‘I don’ want to go a walkin’ about their bedrooms do I naw? So they can jus’ use their Good Lord God-given imaginations!’– she can get a bit snippy y’know.

Anyways, so this lad Roger gets sniff of all the tydes and such wots and starts to put them together, us putting him right from time to time. Sometimes I had to give ‘im one of them allegorical smacks on the ‘ead. I told him straight ‘I don’t care wot a rommm-Kommmm is in your world sunshine, it won’t do for us!’ then he got in a sulk an’ then a panic and starting wibblin’ about the place ‘bout ‘is own ideas! Well I just laughed, harshly, an’ threatened him with a half-finished book. I says ‘We’ll walk out on y’know. Leave y’ Bee-refted an’ all forlon, just like an unwatered flower!’ so ‘e does as he’s told (Well, actually ‘e had Flaxi lurkin’ over his shoulder an’ whisperin’ fings like ‘Dontcha y’all go writin’ no stuff for the boys to get over-excited about naw,’).

An’ then later on he got another bit of panicky ‘bout ‘ow I was like some characters in more well-known stuff in ‘is world, then I says ‘Huh! If y’’ asks me seems like they’s more like me! Only not as variable’ well that confused ‘im, so he shut up and got on wiv writing, like a good lil’ doggy.

Mus’ tell you! We ‘ad so much Hooo-Hah wiv the cover! Y’see Roger thought ‘e’d try ‘is own an’ did all of these photographs, which I ‘elped ‘im wiv, ‘cas although the lad is a sproggle-head like me ‘e’s all for allegorical an’ symbolisms. But when I shows the rest of the folk  the draft photos there was all sorts of grumblin’ and objections. Trelli wanted to know if that was supposed to be ‘er undershirt, ‘cas it looked common an’ unsanitary, an’ Flaxi complained the whole fing looked like ‘alf of the latrine pit was showin’. Then The Captain (that’s Dekyria), well ‘im being all stern and correct says there should be outlines and silly-outettes of grim lookin’ figures with swords an’ stuff. Well, I told ’em all straight, ‘Look’ I says ‘We’ve got a noodle-hutch doin’ this. Do you fink ‘e can organise that sorta clever stuff? You’ve been wiv ‘im for a year now..right?…If we push the lad too much, ‘ee’ll jus’ go and panic an’ take one of them Amazon stock photos an’ claim everyone will get the Hi-roh-nee!’ Now that put ‘em all in line!

Then our brave author finally gets the whole thing on Amazon on the Kindly only to think that is the end of it! So we have to tell the boy all ‘bout marketing an’ raising profiles. Then ‘e does ‘is annoying ‘Yes. Of course. I’ll get on with it’ and puts some stuff out on the Wordly Press an’ reckons job’s a good ‘un! SO we have to good back an’ ask him wot ‘bout Twitter, Tumbly (or sum fing) an’ that Face Book. He tries to sneak out of that by getting on a box an’ going on ‘bout the tox-i-city of Social Media, whatever that means!

Then he starts giving books away (or downlumps, I dunno) an’ that gets The Guv’Nor (That’s MR. Silc to you lot!) cross, him bein’ all for for money in the bank, but you’ll be readin’ from MR Silc soon, so watch out!

Anyways, I’d luv to stay an’ chat a lot more ‘bout all the good stuff we got up to, an’ answer yer questions but ‘is Sproggleness is workin’ on the second book an’ ‘e’s getting’it all wrong again, so I gotta go an’ do some allegorical ‘ead-smacking, if y’ know wot I mean.

There’ll be some more folk along wiv’ their piece to say, probably more ‘bout marketing and making everything know more…. I reckon it’s a b it of an’ opeless task and we gotta play the long game an’ maybe in like a ‘undred years it’ll all get discovered…. Well a ‘undred of your years, not ours ‘cause we’s different.

See ya!

PS: Don’t ferget to tell everyone one ‘bout us! Y’ can tell we’re more lively than ‘e made out!

Book Cover 9An’ this is the book…. ‘Of Patchwork Warriors!’ S’ on Kindly. An’ it don’t cost that much, so wot you gotta loose I says….And if anyone says in that snotty sorta voice ‘Oh five How-Wars of my Life which Hi shall nevah get back’ an’ then think they’ve been clever, I’ll be ’round to talk wiv’ em if y’ get MY MEANING…. I can y’know, being Eeefereal an’ all.

An’ I gotta a body-count too.

Bye-bye

An Author’s Concerns

An Author’s Concerns

Dear fellow writers, this day you find me a troubled person…..

 Me

There is much discussed about how characters develop and how they should be utilised, be they major or minor.

One aspect which is not given that much time and space, because it is an arguable and moot point is where the author finds they have tuned into another part of the vast Reality which in The Universe in all its manifold manifestation in what we humans’ clumsily call the Past, Present, and Future.

This effect should have a name or title, or something, but I am fribbed if I can think of one! True it is beneficial as it allows the author to surf along the narrative, translating it into our everyday language and thus be understandable (sort of). However, as we all know and as the actresses so succinctly to the bishop nothing comes without its price. (that’s an old British-style musical hall joke by the way…can be used in all sorts of ways, as the actress said…oh never mind, you get the idea).

But I digress.

The problem arises is when the sentient beings which are the characters perceive you are there and you are turning their lives into a tale for others. By good fortune, the ones I have encountered have actually been quite co-operative, nay even enthusiastic (at times). However, once they know just what is going on they start to become intrusive, telling you how things should be going, and expecting you do more than you might feel inclined to do, and at times impatient with a writer who has, shall we say, indolent tendencies.

I say this in advance for anything which might turn up on my blog in the days ahead, for I fear some of them may have stole in with the intention of making their feelings known and being so clever are keeping things hidden from me.

Sorry about that, but they are a very enterprising bunch.

Book Cover 9

???

Oh Fribbin’ First Hell, he’s not told ya has he?

S’called  ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ and he writers under the name of R J Llewellyn (which is supposed to sound more Fantasy like, or so he says. I said he should have used Gret Sandstone, because it sounds more strong, but he just whined on about people would laugh at him. An’ I says, ‘they’s laughing at you already mate!’ an’ he says ‘That’s not a  very nice thing to say Karlyn’ an’ I say back ‘Droppin’ me out of the sky into a little lake-or was it a big pond?- on a chilly day wasn’t very kindly neither!’ Then he goes and sulks…. That’s authors for you. Get all of a sproggle, they do.

Anyways, I’ll be back tomorrow, wiv a LOT more to say, I can tell y’!!‘Of Patchwork Warriors’- The 2nd Launch!*

*(An’ I ‘ad to do that for ‘I’m too!!)

Sleeping Beauty. The Foot-Soldiers’ Side (All Tale in II Parts) (Part II)

Hey, not a bad watering hole this. Nice to have ale which tastes like before it’s been drunk and not afterwards…..

Now, back to the story.

Maleficent doesn’t see why she should go tracing around for the kid, I mean a curse is a curse right? She goes over a border, her sights on another of those widowed kings, I mean what do they do to their poor wives? Maleficent gets her hooks in and in a year he’s dead! Yep! NO doubt abut it, screwed him to death! Wadda way to go uh? But he’s got this teenage daughter, and like all of ‘em at that age she’s get spikey. Next thing you know she’s slipped the castle and shacked up with seven guys running an illegal mining operation. No wonder Maleficent tried to have the little monster put down! The story gets messy after that, some young noble getting involved, the kid nearly chokes on something…what I don’t care to know. But that was they’re problem.

Now there’s us. Fifteen years of putting down spinning wheel riots, hunting out Conspiracy Kooks who claim the kid is actually a boy half-elf and the king an’t his dad, and border patrol for smugglers AND the next door kingdom.

Next door? Yeh, well y’know how it goes, any instability and your neighbours are leaning over the fence. Kingdom to the east, that guy, he’s sharp. He’s heard things an’t so good back in Our royal boudoir, that the king is elsewhere looking for his royal happy-times. He knows he can’t take us on in a full-out invasion, so he nudges a bit. We’re on to him. He’s send these regular large patrols out, we ‘bump’ into them. And it always goes;

‘Hey you guys’ we say, ‘How ya doin?’

‘Ahhnn, not so bad. How’s yerselves?’

‘OK. Say, do ya know you’re on our side of the border?’

And they go, like

‘No shit?

And the corporal…it was always the corporal, he says

‘See sarge. I toldya that map wuz out of date,’

And their sarge says to our sarge.

‘Gee sorry ‘bout that guys. Ah, we’ll be on our way. Some weather uh?’

Then we report back and they report back and the officers report up the line that they doin’ all that is necessary and everyone is happy. As the years rolled on and I stuck with it I moved up corporal to sergeant and we’d play the game back to them. When we sneak over to see what they were up to and encounters happened I’d open my arms an’ go.

‘Aww heck boys! I’m sorry. It’s our l’tenant. He’s the biggest asshole ever! I told him this way was the border, but he says in his squeaky voice ‘No sur-jent! I have the latest map! Now obey your orders.’ Do you see him here? I mean Honest-To-Stars! He could no more find his way around a map that he could a brothel!’

Yeh, you had to get some fun somewhere.

An’ let me tell you if we’d been patrolling that forest where the old biddies had kept the princess none of what I’m about to tell you would have happened. But that’s what you get when a king kits out a bunch of youngest sons of second-class nobles and call ‘em the LifeGuard. It was only a money-scheme anyway!  Them having to pay for their outfits and ‘special’ training. Then wander about in groups of five making enough noise than even a deaf man could hear them! No surprise then, when next door nation gets into that forest. Led by none other than the heir to their throne himself. What was he doing there? Who knows? Maybe the kid was bored sitting at home, maybe he was running his own side-line in the smuggling racket? Maybe he’d got intel on who was in the forest. Anyways he finds her, she apparently being a girl who likes to sing, loudly.

And that’s just what we reckoned happened! Him being royal and young, just like a buck rabbit on aphrodisiacs! And she not knowing much about men. Dunno what it’s like up here, but down there, they got laws about girls under sixteen! Uh-uh. Must have been something to it because next thing we know she’s being scooted back to the palace, and an entire regiment put on guard around it. LifeGuard? Huh! They got theirs! Sent on patrol duty in one of the stinkest swamps you smelt, sewer outlet for a nearby town.

Now there’s a lot of toing and froing between kingdoms and a wedding is being put together pretty dam’ quickly, if you ask me. Some meeting between Aurora and her parents that must have been! Of course, we were up north at the time, chasing…yep you guessed it right…spinning wheel smugglers! Then check the irony, while we’re up there, the kid is nosing about the castle ‘cas it’s her first time, and wouldja believe it? She finds one dam wheel! Can you believe that after fifteen years of us poor dogs smashing and burning ‘em , some winner in the village-idiot contest five years running has left one in the castle. And, yeh the kid stuck her finger on the needle, ya saw that comin’ didn’t ya?

Well the curse kicks in and it is a doozey!

Not only does she fall asleep but so do the whole dam’ castle staff and her folks. Not just that but a big mess of thorns grow up around the place, scattering that regiment all over the place, them that were awake that is!

King Next Door makes his move! Says everyone needs to be rescued and over the border he comes with troops to help us, naturally his son is there, all noble and upright to save his bride! For solidarity show we get called back and we all trudge off the scene of the crime.

Man! And those were no regular thorn bushes like the ones veterans throw bare-naked recruits into to harden them up. These were like branch thick and castle high with thorns that would double as swords. The lad must have really had the hots for the girl, for he’s off his horse and calling for us all to join him in hacking his way through. And us and his troops are looking at each other and sharing ‘What’s with this lad! Do we look like we’re combat engineers? Do you see any siege weaponry here?’. No use trying to complain to royalty though… Yeh you got that right!…And we had to hack and dig. Chop and cut. Seven days and half the army down with sprains, cuts and hay fever and only five feet in. Someone has a bright idea and has sent for some of those new-fangled cannons to blast our way through.

With the curse going off, it’s bound to attract Maleficent. Must have got fed up of that step-daughter and the eight-in-a-bed scandal. She flies in smooth as a hawk and stand all haughty and grand demanding everyone to back off, because a curse is a curse! Us lot, it’s not the kind of thing we’re paid for right? Even the officers are a bit leery. Sonny, though he notices his father looking Maleficent up and down. The lad must have brains, no doubt reckons with her as step-mother his chances of getting hitched to Aurora and his own throne are slim no thing! The boy ups at her with his fancy sword and get this! She turns into a dragon! Wings, fire! The whole deal!

The king. He’s backing off, hiding up and half his army ready to protect him. You got it! There’s always some ready to get back to the rear area out of the front line. MY squad and me, we get stuck at the front, and we’re ducking, dodging and diving, flames, flying thorns, you name it! The lad and some of his buddies go for the dragon, y’ know what nobles are like. No surprise, a few get barbecued. The lad is carrying some good hardware though, his shield is beating off the flames. Right then up rolls one of those cannons, while the witch an’t looking, the crew get a shot off and..pow! Right where we’d be looking if she were a woman and down she goes. Of course, the lad gets his sword in her neck so as he can claim credit and since he’s about that business a lot of us pile in with our own steel and hack off a few souvenirs to impress the yokels.

Since she’s dead the curse goes and all the thorns fall away. Off goes the prince, up the castle steps, finds Aurora gives her a magic kiss or something and she wakes up, then so does everyone else. If you ask me the lad knew too much about the business!

With all the fuss dying down and everyone active again and the girl past her sixteenth there’s a wedding. In just about nine months, there’s a little Aurora! Yeh! We reckoned we wuz right all along. The kicker is though, her old man. He dies in a riding accident, or so it’s said. And his widow swift to be consoled by her daughter’s father-in-law and they are wed and the two kingdoms joined! An’t that neat?

The three old biddies? There was scandal about security and upbringing, the Church got involved and they had to flee the kingdom. Spinning wheels were allowed again, and suddenly there’s no need for so many soldiers they say, peace and happiness ever after, they say. And no severance pay, only some crappy bits of land and a few skinny hogs! I ask ya!

So here I am? Whadda ya reckon sarge? Sign on sure! What’s the deal around here? Uh-uh. Security sweep, hunt and search. Yeh-yeh. Your prince is looking for one girl. Don’t they all. He met her at a ball…..Oh that kinda ball! She was wearing glass shoes, then lost one? And last seen riding off on a…pumpkin? You did do a narcotics sweep of the guests did you??….Just the usual sunk-drunk…Hmm…..

I tell ya what there sarge. You tell your officers we gotta look out for three old biddies…they’ll have the dope of this for sure!

Sleeping Beauty. One Foot Soldier’s Account (A Tale in II Parts)

Sleeping Beauty. One Foot Soldier’s Account (A Tale in II Parts)

          I’m a great fan of the original Disney Film (No one’s bettered the transformation of  Maleficent into a Dragon)… and ‘Maleficent’ staring Angelina Jolie?…Magnificent!, then there’s the TV series ‘Once Upon a Time’. But y’know they all focus on the folk at the top, The Royalty and the Magic Folk, well they’re not the only ones in the story…..So let’s get down to basic, reality and hear from one of the folk who really had to bear the load……..

Scene: A Recruitment Table in a shabby town….

             ‘Yeh. Yeh that’s right. 18 years under my belt. I was a sergeant myself. What am I doing up here in the north-west? Oh boy! Just trying to get away from those flakes in my homeland, that’s what!

            So what do you hear? Uh-uh-uh. Yeh, that’s right. Yeh, the beautiful Princess Aurora. Cursed by the wicked witch, rescued by the handsome princes and they all live happily ever after. Oh sure, that’s the official line, trouble is they left out a few details. I mean, like Important Details. Lemme explain.  

            I’d just put my first year in, place guard. Not so bad. Y’know the score, standing about like you’ve got a stick up your butt. Anyway, there’s been this big oooh-hah on account of the queen finally getting knocked up. She and the King had been together for like fifteen years, and folk were starting to talk y’know? But I say what goes on in the royal bedroom is none of our business, how’d you like having a bunch of old ferts asking your old lady indelicate questions every month or so?

            So, getting back to the narrative, the queen gives birth to a daughter, and she’s such a cute little button no one is bitching about her not being a boy and heir to the throne. All looks rosy and there’s gonna be the usual fancy ceremonies where all the nobility get to do their grovelling and pile on with the gifts. Now this is when it gets tense, because the fairies have to have a look in. I don’t know what their like here, but in my home land we got these old biddy types see, nosing around and lecturing folk. Three of ‘em turn up and start with the wand waving and bestowing all the goodies, two of them are done with the beauty, good nature, yadda-yadda, when suddenly the main doors burst open.

            And in she comes! Tall, slender, a walk that shows off all the best features, long black hair flowing out from under this horned helm, high cheek bones an’ smouldering eyes that could burn a carpet. Everyone is gasping, the women giving her ‘the look’ and the men all wishing they could be treated badly by her. Yep! That Maleficent was some package. Turns out no one thought to ask her if she wanted to be there, her being a witch an’ all, but it’s like I say ‘Ya gotta hear the other side of the story first,’ ‘Course she’s pissed, or maybe she was just looking for a reason to be pissed. Maybe she knew the king when he was still young and unattached, and, I mean…who’s to say?

            She does a few crowd pleasers with lightening bolts, then launches into a curse on the kid, something about a nasty end, the usual drill. Well the third old biddy, she’s not got ‘round to her business. Now why she can’t undo the curse, I don’t know, like do I look like I got wings? But she puts a rider on it. She must have been getting soft in the head with advancing years, because, get this. She says, the only thing what would go wrong was if before she got to be sixteen the princess knicked her finger on a spinning wheel, then she and everyone else would fall asleep. I know! Go figure!

            By now our captain has decided he’d better show willing and gives us the order to charge Maleficent, but lucky for us the looker disappears in a cloud of smoke.

            Then everyone gets to running about, and as much use as paper hats in a thunder storm. If this wasn’t bad enough the king, who until now been standing about like he was posing for a royal portrait has this idea. I tell ya, it’s a bad as the one the third old biddy came up with. He decrees, right there and then, without asking any advisors or running a focus group on the subject that every spinning wheel in the kingdom is to be collected up for the duration. I know, I know! Why didn’t he and his wife just resolve to educate the kid not to go near the dam’ things? 

These royals always putting it on the backs of us!

            And here’s the things. Every spinning wheel in the kingdom? Who do you think has to collect them?….You got it! Us poor dog-faced grunts. I mean you can imagine, all the lumps we got! The riots!  Those old grannies can be pretty mean where they jab you with their sticks. And of course, there’s always the farmer’s wife who is the village log-splitting champion! As for the guilds of weavers, spinners, and the whole clothing industry, we left that up to The Chamberlin’s Office, by then we were too busy patrolling for smugglers of clothing and yeh, you got it spinning wheels!….. Nah, we sure as hell didn’t get them all. What with the kick-backs and the girls who sweet-talk you into them keeping theirs…well pay and conditions weren’t exactly top-range in our kingdom, so you gotta get it when opportunities arise. 

            There we are, us tramping up hill and down dale, in all weathers, and what else does the king do. Get this? He places the daughter in the care of those three old biddies! No kidding! Like his poor wife has only just got a baby and suddenly- poof gone! Needless to say, there were no more kids on the way out of that royal boudoir!

            Now, this is where it really gets interesting. This part is on the hush-hush. You direct me to the nearest noisy tavern nearbyes where two old sweats can have a decent tankard, and you all truly gonna hear something!

 (End of Part I)…. to be continued.

Just a Smidge

Average Body Weight 60,000 grms

Average zince 2 gms

Percentage of zinc = 0.00333 per body (one three-thousandth).

Yeh, that’s an estimate of how much zinc your body needs, scientifically the figures might be slightly off, but you get the idea……Not a great amount, but it’s vital, otherwise, things go wrong. Also, too much and things go wrong. You need a smidge…a very, very, very small smidge, but you need it.Shocked-face

Bit like something you add to a meal, if it’s not there, it’s bland maybe, if you put too much it…..Hello waste bin…..

So prithee dear blogger, you ask…..You do not normally post up tips on health or cooking. What the frib goes on here??      200px-Advokat,_Engelsk_advokatdräkt,_Nordisk_familjebok

Bear with me here, hear me out.

trilby

 

A scene at the ‘desk’ (allegorical) of a writer……

 

Me

 

“Oh what is the point of it all?”

 

You know how it goes don’t you? Consider the following:

Sitting there reading someone else’s erudite or inspiring or funny or informative post and even worse when they combine them some or all together, and you wonder….Oh what have I got to offer? I’m like ….blaahh-city!fed_up_woman-620x412

A part way through your book or short story and you start to slow down or notice on a re-read that the continuity is all skewed OR the main character is as fascinating as a small piece of cardboard, in fact you reckon the cardboard is more interesting. You are there thinking ‘why am I bothering, I just don’t have it! I am just less than the dust beneath the chariot wheels of other writers….Oh (you say once more) WOE (or any other word you care to use).

OR you get up OR sit down and think ‘Aww. Why bother! There was no great response to my last effort and I followed all the marketing tips…Let’s face it, I’m a nothing-writer. Who cares! (At this point you may well stick your tongue out at the latest best seller by someone you normally like, but today…..Hufffffffff!!! And foreswear never to read a book again because they only remind you or your own let-downs. You’ll buy boxed DVD sets series 1-15 of something and binge watch)

 

It happens folks. Doesn’t it?shoulder-shrug

And we all wonder just what can be done about it. Because we do so love to write, we do so want to be read. We have something to offer.Young woman, finger on lips, looking confused surprised

The Arrogance of such a thought…..Really?

This is where in comes the smidge. The very, very small pinch of Arrogance. That little piece of flint which sets off the spark for the writer to try one more time, and the time after that, and after that and just never give up.

“Because I can do as well as others! Because I have something to offer.”

Let me just elaborate on this notion and bear in mind this is to illustrate just where the smidge comes in.

I write fantasy, I read fantasy.

Joe Abercrombie is gritty, this is the world big warts and all. His continuity is superb, a minor character is one book is central to another, the background from one book to another align. Haven’t they got their own swear words in this world Joe? I mean like what’s with this old goat having everything as part of his cunning plan, like not new & squaresville man. Where’s the chaos? Where’s the variety in the language. Uhh I’m gonna give that a shot in my own world….

Brandon Sanderson creates whole worlds with their own science in the Mistborn, and an encyclopaedia of characters who flit in and out, have their own vital part in the plot, no one is wasted. Yeh that was fine Brandon. But Stormlight and the Way of Kings, I’m there saying ‘Get on with the plot, the guy is down a big hole and trying to inspire a bunch of other guys, I get it….What about the pacing!..I can wrap up a tale quicker than that..(note to self- when writing vol II of my trilogy), don’t do a Way of Kings on the readers.

“Frib!”(shameless plug) You say, “That sounds like sour grapes and suchwhich.” I reply…..No, that is the smidge speaking, it is that which drives me on. The danger would be to lambast everything Abercrombie and Sanderson due just because I targeted on a few little facets which jarred with my style. I reckon I can write without those and that what’s what I am going to do…. Patchwork                                                                     see you can*

So say to yourself…..

I…. believe…..I can write……And no one shall stop me. What do they know?

And there you have the explanation dear readers/writers, the smidge is enough, just enough to get the words flowing. Any more and you will be sour, bitter and getting nowhere apart from joining the sad breed who write 1 & 2 star reviews on Amazon just because.

There is one other smidge you should add to Arrogance and that is the wry smile. Do not be angry, be at one with the belief, no writer is 100% perfect you can offer your own take and you are going to show the world. Never mind who says what. You…. ARE…..

Yes..You, YOU ARE A WRITER and let no one take this away from you. You have your own style, your own drive, your own images.

Repeat to yourself, without any doubt…

I AM

I WILL WRITE.

BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO.

Just that smidge folks.

Then get to work.

Good luck, and fortune to you all. You are worth it

*(Sorry about the other shameless plug, it was only to prove a point…honest…a snip at Amazon Kindle for not very much)

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