“Aww don’t go away cross just because……”
Go on folks, have fun add your own ending.
“Aww don’t go away cross just because……”
Go on folks, have fun add your own ending.
Like Charlie, he’s close to his grandfather and, like Linus, he quotes the Old Testament. His father was in Vietnam and, most of all, Franklin has a good heart. Nowhere was that more evident than in a 1969 strip in which Peppermint Patty cries because of shoes she’s required to wear to school. Franklin says, “All I know is any rule that makes a little girl cry has to be a bad rule.”
This blog from time to time does contain rants or pithiness concerning the small and the confused folk who inhabit FaceBook and slosh around their limited perspectives with all the appeal of ‘that drunk’ who is ruining your evening or disturbing your train/bus journey home. As a consequence, I don’t use it much apart from a few writers, and of course family & friends. But from time to time I amble about making the odd throwaway remark as takes m’ fancy.
Well for those of you not British, we in typical British style have embroiled ourselves in a messy farce, this time Brexit many on both sides tackling the debate t like a re-run of the Thirty Years War and the Government’s approach does seem to be rather disjointed, disunited and a bit chaotic. So anyway there was this relatively harmless item and I just added a like-hearted comment, reflecting what I thought was the average person’s opinion of the current state.
Annnddd I attracted one of the Huff ‘n Puff brigade which has no particular political stripe being dedicated to being rude to those who do not agree with them.
This guy seems to spend a lot of his time dashing from one site to another making derogatory remarks to Remainers (ie folk who want the UK to stay with Europe), so there was a good chance we would bump into each other. Here is the exchange that followed. (His name has been changed, after all it wouldn’t be fair to print it without his permission, would it now?)
ME: As a devotee of the Marx Bros. and Three Stooges Films I would like to thank the Govt, The Daily Mail, The Express, The Sun and the Hard-Line Breixteers through Brexit for keeping the spirit of that style of zany, knock-about comedy alive (Mr J Rees-Mogg does need some better writers though, he’s not as funny as Boris Johnson)
HUFF ‘N PUFF: Let’s face it, it isn’t the method you’re upset about. It’s only the result.
ME: You’re not sitting where I am. I’ve witnessed foolishness in comments and attitudes from both sides which places me way beyond upset. Quite detached in fact. If another vote turns up I’ll vote Remain because our time as a player on the World Stage is over; it happens it’s our turn to decline. In the meantime, I will choose to ridicule the shriller voices on both sides. Too many folk going around on rocket-powered tricycles yelling their heads off (that is allegorical by the way)
HUFF ‘N PUFF: Change your medicine. LSD is reputedly good.
ME: Oh dear, oh dear. The predictable insulting response. And not even an original one either. Doesn’t matter whether the reply comes from The Right or The Left it soon comes down to this. Straight out of the blocks, no conversation no discussion, The Same Old, Same Old. Alt Right. Momentum. Brextiteers. Remainiacs. I get the same response to any comment be it serious or humorous. ‘Ugh they disagree with me. Ugh me throws rocks.’ I used to get really angry, these days I have to laugh. You are all so damn predictable.
That was three days ago, no response
So remember folk when confronting one of these uninvited folk adopt the following:
Dismiss their remarks as predictable and unoriginal
Admit that there are idiots on your side of the argument.
Say you’ve been insulted by idiots for not having exactly the same opinion as them.
Despair of idiots in general.
Suggest they are also an idiot for behaving this way.
Wait for their response.
In the meantime if you really want to see how Mature is done, check out:
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/15107025/posts/43878- “Give-And-Take on philosofa”
Could I please, respectfully request all the erudite and intelligent folk who understandably place posts on their blogs attacking the current occupant of the Whitehouse to not use photos of him grinning or smiling. My relationship with my argumentative laptop is fragile enough as it is. If I see one more smug smirk I am going to lacerate my fist as it goes through the screen.
While I’m here….Sandy Hook Conspiracy folk (looking at you Alex Jones)
And those are the polite versions.
Thank you for your time.
26, count ’em NRA
Count ’em- children included.
As of the 2nd October 273 mass shootings in the USA
Killings in New York; President calls for immigration controls
Killings in Sutherland Springs and the Presidents sends ‘thoughts & prayers- yadada’….that an’ a few bucks will get a cup of coffee Trump!
The dead in Las Vegas are left to be mourned by their families and picked over by the Conspiracy Theorists. And anything about Gun Control…..HA!!
Anything on Gun Control?
Oh silly, silly question you innocent little Brit! We must be armed against terrorists and government dictators.
Oh for cryin’out loud!!
NRA, Congress, Whitehouse, Apologists.
Look at your damned hands!!
As was the case of his great-grandfather Edward the II, had the fates been kinder to Richard( born in Bordeaux 3rd January 1367) and people hadn’t kept dying, he could have lived out his life in the said city and ruled all of Aquitaine or at least stopped the French from having it. However, his father an Edward, son of Edward III, had become so very famous and popular by defeating the French while wearing black armour campaigned too much in foreign climes and died of them in 1376. His father own Edward the III, neatly expired the following year on 21st June 1377(of age and a pushy mistress). Thus, Richard was made The II on the 16th July 1377.
The Early Years
In these formative times Richard was advised (a polite term for ‘do as you’re told’) by his uncles the very stern and thin John of Gaunt and Thomas The Wooodcock who ruled Buckinghamshire. The first challenge being the Revolting Peasants of 1381(see Chapter 7) and whereas the nobility were unhappy that his uncles advised him, they took comfort that he lied to the rebels and had them massively executed afterwards, so there was hope for the lad.
Richard and his Court
Unfortunately, being a teenage king meant that Richard naturally disliked his uncles telling what to do and began to choose his own advisors in particular Simon de Burbblery, who was probably common and the haughty Robert de Sneer. Many of these preferred dressing in fashionable clothes and ‘indulging’ so were heartily disliked by the average noble for not wanting to fight either The French or Scots or even massacre peasants. Things became worse when it was found out that Richard was making some of his advisors favourites, especially Robert de Sneer who for some obscure reason wanted to rule Ireland disguised as a duck. John of Gaunt was so disgusted with the whole business that he left England to try and be a king of a bit of Spain. Further revelations that three of the favourites were named Bushy, Bagot and Green and thus sounded like a firm of untrustworthy lawyers raised matters to breaking point.
Parliaments and Lords
In 1386 there was some concern that France might invade England just to see how England liked it. Richard’ Chancellor Michael of the Maypole asked for money, the parliament said no, because the king had been spending too much on Robert, shoes, jewels and Soothsayers (who he should have sacked as they hadn’t warned him this was coming) and anyway the Parliament didn’t like the Chancellor so he could go too. Richard was furious not only with their temerity but that everyone was going around calling them Wonderful. In his temper, he spun around the country, installing Robert just in time to rule Chester which by the laws of those days enabled Richard to claim the Parliament was not wonderful, but in fact was treacherous, treasonous and probably onerous.
This was of little use, for inspired by the Wondrous Parliament several lords got together and told Richard why he was not being a good king. So eloquent and reasoned were their arguments they were known as The Lords Intelligent. One of Richard’s cronies tried to raise his spirits by referring to them as The Lords Repellent; Richard did not see the funny side of this because he knew these lords had large armed retinues and he didn’t. Even so he sent Robert (The Favourite) with whatever troops could be found. A great battle was fought in December 1387 at Radcot which was supposed to have a bridge but this was stolen by The Lords. The Royal army adopted the tactics of running away, standing still or if they were lost advancing. Robert (The Not Very Good General) lost his armour and trousers, so was obliged to flee to France where he died (probably still without trousers) in 1390(ish).
Thus, victorious the Lords Intelligent invited a Merciless Parliament to arrest all of Richard’s surviving favourites and have them executed on the grounds of treachery (ie being on the losing side) and wearing silly shoes (and thus offending God). Richard in order to remain The II was obliged not to get involved.
Fate and Richard
A reader could be forgiven at this stage for thinking Richard although still II was doomed to be insignificant, however at this stage Fate intervened in a not particularly kind but certainly advantageous ways; for historians that is.
The Scots (again)
In August 1388 The Scots, under the pretence of fighting for independence once more invaded northern England. The two armies met at the curiously named Otter’s Bum where the Scots won a famous victory which was made even more memorable by the glorious death of their leader James, Earl of Douglas (regrettably Douglas, Earl of James was not in attendance). The Scots at once celebrated by composing romantic ballads, going back home to seize each other’s lands and try to overthrow their own king Robert the II who was in his 70s and thanks to a papal dispensation had fourteen children.
The English did not see any cause to compose ballads, though missed the opportunity to compose a lament, instead they all rallied around Richard II who was now twenty-one and might grow out of his surliness and favourites. Although under the terms of Magna Carta Richard should have suffered for being king during a Scots’ Victory in this case he was exempt on the grounds of not being there at the time.
Anne who despite being Bohemian and thus foreign was of such gentle, kind and generous nature that she managed the amazing status of being greatly loved by king, nobles and populace all at once, even convincing Richard not to chop off a few peasants’ heads. They had such a pure, goodly and caring marriage that no children arose. Sadly, she died of plague in 1394 and everyone mourned, particularly Richard. Without having anyone of decent character and compassionate nature around him Richard, justifiably went mad but only slightly so he couldn’t really be deposed.
Despite being a great influence on Richard in the lad’s early years, because of trying to be Spanish, a mild delusion that he could be a castle and his third wife, also called Anne, but who was very common by now John of Gaunt wasn’t paying much attention to Richard. In fact, he did not notice that Richard had had John’s younger brother Thomas murdered and his own son Henry exiled. Both having been Lords Belligerent. Henry escaped execution on the technicality of having broken bollens. His father John, after years of public service, three wives, eight children and far too much Spain died in 1399.
As it can be seen without any restraining influences and with everyone scared of The Scots Richard now firmly ensconced as a II he had a free hand and decided to try out Tyranny.
The Very Interesting Era
The exact date when Richard decided to become a Tyrant is open to speculation, particularly as he never made a formal announcement on the subject. Conjecture suggests he would have started to dabble in it about 1388 on reaching the age of 21 and thus attaining his majority; ie he was the only king in England.
Richard felt that a lavish life style was befitting a king and so in addition to borrowing lots of money he also organised extravagant jousting tournaments, the prizes being so grand that knights from all over Europe attended. As there were any number of wars taking place in Europe these men were thus professionals and usually better than the home-grown completion who had to make do with the less challenging ‘disputes’ and ‘rivalries’. There was thus much grumbling from the English knights about professionalism ruining the game.
Richard was not concerned as he felt such a high profile would help him in his plan to become Holy Roman Emperor. This he believed would make him so important he would only have to worry about arguing with the Pope. Those who had been close to various Emperors and the dozens of princes, hundreds of lords and clutches of city states comprising the Empire would have said something in Latin which equivalented to ‘Good luck with that!’. Anyway, there had only just recently nearly been an English emperor called Richard, so no one continental wanted to risk another another one.
Short of money and not caring to be involved with the French militarily, Richard married the French King’s daughter. She being, six years old meant Richard had a large dowry and did not need to worry about her for another ten or so years. With the money, he was able to hire a large number of welsh archers on the understanding they could shoot at as many Englishmen as they liked, which ensured their loyalty.
Thus, feeling very secure when his uncle John died in January 1399 Richard said he was entitled to all of his uncle’s lands since John’s son Henry of the broken bollens was exiled and since he was traitor should be grateful for just being exiled.
Richard then noticed Ireland whose nobles and lords were so unruly that they were in rebellion against each other and simply not taking the king seriously, he therefore resolved to invade Ireland. This was a rather curious decision since it was supposed to be his and so he should be putting it down, not invading. His mistake was probably due to the large number of new Soothsayers he had hired to tell him The Sooth, The Whole Sooth and Nothing But The Sooth. They did not notice Henry son of John had landed in Yorkshire in April intent on getting back his lands and thus everything for Richard was suddenly going Sooth.
The Tragic Fall
Leaving the Irish to annoy each other Richard wisely landed in Wales in June or July (1399), but by then most of the nobles in in England had decided Henry should not just have his lands but also the throne. Henry decided they had a good point as he had male forebears whereas Richard’s were mixed up with female forebears, which proved by the laws of those days why he was a bad king and thus a traitor to himself. Richard had intended to discuss all this with Henry, but became so cross that he threw bonnets about the place and so was consigned to the Tower of London.
No one was quite sure to do with him, so they asked a bishop who gave thirty-three reasons why Richard had been a bad king; this naturally took a long time which only lawyers and other churchmen really appreciated and admired. Henry chaffed at the delay which had allowed some nobles who had profited from Richard’s reign to plot. In consequence Richard was moved from the Tower in a hurry and was misplaced, only to be discovered at Pontefract where either taking a very stubborn dislike to the cakes had starved to death, or preferably for Henry had expired of remorse at being a bad king. In either case Henry was obliged to place him sitting up in his coffin to prove he was dead.
This was such a tragic end people were able to write plays and novels about Richard II (who although weak supplied more interesting material than Richard the I) Also as he died so neatly in January 1400 he is only of the few kings to have memorable date of death and thus is of some benefit to folk who wish to appear to have some knowledge of history.
Richard’s reign was so controversial and his fall so sudden, Henry was able to repair his bollens and the indulge in being two kings thus giving later generations barons a splendid excuse for a proper civil war.
All of which will be discussed in future chapters.
General Election 2017 (UK that is)
Dear neighbours in the WP community. The 2017 UK General Election results and implications made simple:
Reason Why We Had A General Election and Why They Were Bad Reasons
Prime Minister Theresa May:
Wanted to show she was The Lady. (Well….that kinda worked out for her…..because at the moment no one else in their right mind wants the lousy job, at present, but the Conservatives are deadly good at fiendish plots against their own leaders)
Wanted to throw out of her cabinet a bunch of folk she’d been stuck with after David Cameron quit. (That might have worked- but the wrong way…some of them didn’t get re-elected and Labour got their seats. She should have realised there are always ‘Shock Results’ and someone big loses their ‘seat’)
Wanted to make things worse for Labour than they already were. (Bad idea! The only ones who are able to make things worse for Labour than they already are, are Labour themselves)
Wanted to grab back all those UKIP voters who now that there was no Brexit voting stuff weren’t too sure what to do with their time (Should have realised that people had begun to ‘think things’ through after Brexit and seen UKIP as a one-trick pony, and would amble away in all political directions this time around)
Hoped she might lose Boris Johnson somewhere in the fracas (Good plan. Pity it didn’t work)
On to the next topic:
Reasons Why People Voted The Way They Did.
The Young Vote: For the last few years having been fed a steady stream of ‘You will have to work until you’re 75. We will also pass a law making it illegal for you to die any earlier’ and ‘If you want an education beyond counting up to 20 and learning your ABC you’ll have to borrow £20,000 per year and sell you first born to help pay it back’, there would have been a possible tendency to vote for a party with a more promising outlook to life.
The Elderly Vote: ‘If you start to get ill we’ll either let you starve and let nature take it course, then if you persist in being stubborn we’ll lock you away and recycle you for environmental purposes’ might have been the message they received from the Conservative Manifesto
The Middle Vote: ‘Keep working those two jobs for 50 hours a week and we’ll reduce your income tax by£1.75p a month’ was probably not the most attractive theme.
Brexit: Everyone is confused anyway. So it didn’t matter to folk this time around. (Unless you were a die-hard UKIP member)
The train service is still costly and lousy
Unless they get the funding right any government will take a hit on the NHS.
You knew there was something going wrong with the Conservative campaign when Labour and in particular Jeremy Corbyn felt secure enough to challenge the Conservatives on their safe ground of Law & Order and police numbers.
England: The map was turned upside down and conservatives did well(ish) in the north and Labour did well in the south. This will make everyone dizzy.
Wales: Plaid Cymru- The Welsh National Party snatched another seat. The conservatives made the great cultural error of spending more time and effort in North Wales, which naturally nfuriated voters in South Wales who promptly ditched them; North Wales wasn’t that impressed anyhow.
Scotland: No one in the SNP really read their history way back when which shows that not all scots when push comes to shove want to be independent, but since many a true Scot would not want to be led by somebody so obviously southern English as Jeremy Corbyn lots voted Tory, others feeling nostalgic for simpler times voted Labour or Liberal Democrats. Result SNP lost lotsa seats.
Northern Ireland (or Ulster): No one who lives outside of Ulster should ever try to understand why politics is the way it is in Northern Ireland; it will make your head spin. Suffice it to say folk voted along ‘community lines’. This meant the Democratic Unionist Party won the Protestant Unionist vote while Sinn Fein won the Catholic Republican vote so both sides could claim a great victory, even though Sinn Fein don’t actually take up their seats in The House of Commons and the Democratic Unionists Party don’t trust any other party in the, said The House of Commons.
What Is Happening:
The SNP (Scotland) – Have to pretend everything is fine, but don’t mention Independence ever again.
The Liberal Democrats- Were supposed to get completely wiped out but actually won 4 seats, thus returning to common the stance of the last 80 years ‘Oh! That’s a nice surprise! It should have been worse’
Labour- Although Labour lost, ie had less seats than the Conservatives, they actually won, because they ended up with more seats than expected. Which in turn means that although they don’t get to form an government, means they can be seen to maybe be able to form an government next time around. Unless of course they shoot themselves in the feet by starting a traditional venomous internal argument over something which has no bearing on the day-to-day lives of the ordinary folk of this country.
Plaid Cymru and The Green Party- Have not gone away and although only have a total of five seats in such a circumstance are very important. The Green Party plays a very important role by having one seat, in that this presence will cause apoplexy in the USA Whitehouse if any one there should notice.
Who Is In Charge Now?
Well at present, and if nothing else happens by the time I finish this post. Prime Minister Theresa May (vocals and tambourine) and the Conservatives Government will still be able to limp along with the aid of the Democratic Unionist Party. How long this will last is anyone’s guess but should keep political pundits, academics, journalists and commentators in steady work for at least the rest of 2017.
When considering this arrangement, it should be born in mind;
That Catholic voters in England and Wales who voted for the Conservatives have now given the Hard-line Protestant Democratic Unionists Party a voice in their affairs.
The Hard-line Protestants of the DUP must now be grateful to the said Catholic voters in England and Wales for given them a voice in UK affairs.
This proves conclusively that God has a sense of humour.
This complex result will be difficult to explain to the amateurs currently cluttering up the Whitehouse in Washington USA and is best broken down as follows;
Theresa May is still Prime Minster, ie Big Boss Lady
No socialists are involved in the running of Central Government. Yet
Everything is fine. Except the things which aren’t and they don’t concern you, so keep your noses out of it.
No one cares what you think anyway.
That state visit is so not going to happen for a while.
Stay out of London.
Other than that The UK will provide a steady source of entertainment for those wo find politics funny.
Manchester: 22 dead. Maybe 60 injured. This was a concert which would have attracted children. The perpetrator had been consumed by Evil. Only Evil would make this calculation.
Evil which feeds on Hate. Hate which is the spawn of ignorance and intolerance.
All this toxicity thrives in the hot emotions of fury. Anyone who rages against the community this fool came from joins hands with their Brothers and Sisters in Hate; they are being consumed in the sewer. There is no room for this.
Think then on the dead innocents, but think also of those who turned up to offer lifts, help, food and drink, comfort; came from their beds, switched off their taxi metres did what they could to help folk in peril.
Then sit somewhere quiet, think, ponder or pray for the dead, injured their families and friends, for the communities who are now living in dread from the Brothers and Sisters in Hate who will be prowling looking to vomit their bile.
Resolve never to look at a person and because of their community, orientation, religion, politics or whatever and point the finger of judgement and emotion. Smile, hold open a door, if you don’t agree, shrug and say ‘I don’t see it that way,’ help.
We owe it to the thousands of dead, injured and damaged of these past tragic decades.
Friends, Brothers, Sisters, Neighbours. Hold strong. Compassion. Respect and Tolerance
12th May 2017.
If you have been reading this blog for a while you’ll be used to this sort of diversion…..If you are new, don’t worry it’s not you…..It’s me that’s tilted …….
Ah me. Would that the scales of distraction fall from this eye of my mind. Oh to feel the fresh breezes of inspiration upon this torpid soul sunk deep in the mire of this field of lassitude. Dear sweet muses alight upon me and transport me from this place of discordant voices with their bitter and sterile litanies of hate and discord…..
Oh hi there! Err….. you caught me there in one of my proto-Shakespeare modes. If I had a gloomy stage with view props I would be stalking up and down with a troubled expression, and handful of meaningful pauses, a vocal range from low baritone, and making the audience feel I had a nasty cold to high tenor which would wake them or wonder I had stubbed my toe. I should also have at least one gaze into middle distance.
Oh no gentle reader, do not take concern or trouble yourself, I am just in between re-righting the re-write.
This has been quite an interesting journey because I reached the stage where the plot lurched sideways in a storm caused by the sudden perception that the book was going to be too long. You see one of the challenges when you are writing fantasy is to see if you can encapsulate at least one major plot, a few sub-plots, say three or four major characters, a dozen or so minor characters at least three separate nations or other notions and a whole world of your making into less than 150,000 words. Not easy y’know, not when you are not an A NAME, or when you’ve NOT been doing all that sensible spade work on various social media sites encouraging folk to look forward to the final book OR working on a cover OR….oh I dunno…whatever mature and focused authors do. Anyway I broke through that barrier, sort of as I commit the possible cardinal sin of fantasy writing and try and fit in a feel-good ending.
(Pause to switch on the lights, illuminating the stage, and kicking away the ostentatiously sparse props)
I mean, what is wrong with a feel-good ending? Don’t we have enough misery and unhappiness out there being force fed to us in a sensational way? Are there not enough folk on both sides of the political divide who are screaming that those opposing (or deemed to be opposing) them should be cast(eth) out into the Darkness, in the name of Free Speech, while not ‘digging’ the fact that they are both actually on the same page?….Oh frib’ now I durn lost m’way with a distraction…..so where wuz I?
Oh yeh. So what was really wrong with ‘The Ridiculous 6’? So the critics didn’t like it, well boo-hooo! I mean I know it’s not High Wit and…..
Errr…???..No..ummm…………….. that wasn’t what I was talking about was it???
Hold on folks, just check that thing on Wikipedia you’ve been meaning to, I’ll be back in a minute or so…..
Ah-ha, yes! The Feel-Good Factor. That’s what we were talking about wasn’t it? Yes, whereas I tip my hat to the various Giants of Fantasy, is it necessary to have a ripping good tale without a high body count (ignoring background folk who haven’t got a line much less a name and some of the lesser villains who really don’t deserve a free-ride out). So it’s down to working out the final escape and the reasonably happy end of this episode, and then it’s down to the next re-write, which will have to be the last one too; ‘because I will be safe in the knowledge that no professional critic will ever get to know about the book, which of course will belong to History and to be discovered by later generations- I play the long game.
(This has been a lesson in one possible strategy in filling up a blog space when you are not really focused but feel you have to say something. AND as always in the keeping of the spirit of this blog, here is another lesson in how you SHOULD NOT be doing things; unless of course you are over 65 and don’t really give a frib’*)
(shameless plug: Read how to use this* and other alternative words in the upcoming fantasy novel…… THE PATCHWORK WARRIORS…..impress your friends with a whole new range of profanities and odd sayings )
I really should be concentrating on my writing BUT what with the all the claims, by and arguments for the various groups involved in UK General Election; the USA Presidential Election and the Brexit Referendum I have been thus inspired by their words and antics…whoops..deeds to take the stage with the launch of the…
UK Socialist Well Not All of Stalinism Was That Bad party.
Yes, fellow citizens, here we are at the cusp, or edge or launching pad of a great new future and this is your opportunity to embrace the wonderful policies which this new, forward thinking and realistic party has to offer.
Now I know you are all recoiling in horror at the thought of state ownership, invasive state security and the abolition of other political parties but I would ask you to think about this from a positive perspective.
For instance, you are unhappy with your energy supplier, and you complain and they flip you off with some feeble excuse, then you go to the regulatory body charged with their oversight and they don’t help, so you have to find who next to complain to and by then who one cares about you? Well with a single unitary state owned body you have only one place to complain to and if they try and fob you off, all you need to do is denounce the officials as Traitors To the People’s State and we’ll do the rest! Simple isn’t it?
Then there are the train services. Now we all know that in Britain we just love to complain about the state of the railways. With us you are safe in the knowledge that you will only have one source to complain about. Just remember, it’s not the government’s fault, it’s those idle shirkers who have forgotten their responsibilities to the state!!
Of course, there will be those who might get nervous about these financial markets. You should not concern yourselves! After all economics is all made up as we go along, and if those capitalists can sell bits of financial information with no real pecuniary value and make a profit, then there is nothing stopping us selling the UK as a great place to do business with. They give us the money. We do the job. And we give them their money back when we are good and ready. In the meantime, they’ll know it’s a nation where there will be no disruption, no terrorism and no need for bribes because Everyone here will know How To Behave! They’ll want be associated with a winner like that and so the money flows in and that’s right, down goes the taxes!! (And if they’re good and play by our rules the companies might not have to pay…that much)
Now, of course we have to admit that Stalin himself went right over the top over the Purges, The Gulags, The Midnight Arrests and The Transportations of Entire Peoples. That was really over-thinking the problems, and a subtler hand and a series of Soviet wide sporting events would have achieved just as much. But however, you have to order and responsibility. So with us you can be safe in the knowledge that various disruptive factions will be dealt with.: Those who text during live performances at the theatre, TV Presenters who try to do impressions of well-known comics or re-enactments of famous movie or tv scenes, Film Critics, people who wave at cameras during live news broadcasts, loudmouths in general, people who play loud music without having earphones to name but a few will be having a very tough time. Folk who insist on wearing T-shirts with allegedly humorous slogans will be expected to constantly smile in public, and those who have T-Shirts with statements which apparently allude to philosophical or political states will be stopped by the authorities and expected to make an intelligent statement of no less than five minutes in duration supporting that view. Drunks of course will be locked up and when sober be made to clean up the mess. Criminals? Well if you don’t see them around after a few years, you shouldn’t ask. After all, you don’t want to be seen as supporting criminality, do you?
As for all those political parties which have been clouding the issues and bothering you at election times with oblique and vacuous messages, well we’ll be simplifying the process. There’ll only be us! You will of course have a choice of at least five candidates from the party at each election and be honest everyone that’s as much variety as anyone needs.
There will of course be newspapers, tv and radio programmes. And there will be freedom of choice and expression, but we are aware that many people are boggled by the amount of stuff being churned out, so a great deal of unnecessary opinions and misleading statements will no longer be put out, just so you are able to concentrate on the important issues. For instance, you’ll finally be able to get thorough detailed and concise three hours’ worth of information on the care of those potted plants you’ve been worried about!
Some will be worried about the surveillance issue. There again we can put your minds at rest. Everyone will have no privacy from the state for everyone is equal, and for the vast majority of you, here is the good news; The State Doesn’t Care. Your private business is not important. All those doing the observation will be selected for their total lack of empathy with the subject, a complete disinterest in any human social activities and a strict adherence to the rule book- yes the very dullest of the public servants will be doing the job! And for those of you who for years have been worrying yourselves as to whether you are being watched, well here is the good news! Yes, now you are! Yep! You can dial up your phone or computer content in the knowledge that at last someone is listening to what you have to say, of course we can’t guarantee that you will be taken seriously, but if you want that sort of attention, remember you have to try a little harder. We never stifle initiative!
One thing we take very seriously is Intolerance. This will not be tolerated. Folk who display intolerance will be arrested, be sentenced to a mandatory 30 years in prison; their properties will be burnt to the ground which itself will then be levelled over and turned into vegetable patches. All relatives will be placed in custody and examined for intolerant views, children will be placed in the care of the state and told how wicked their parent(s) were. Anything in the way of money or goods left over by the time we’re finished will be sold off and the proceeds passed to the state. Any mention of the guilty person’s name will be a criminal offence. This will show how important Tolerance is.
As for Brexit. That will be dealt with. Rest assured. We know best.
Well, those are just a few of the wonderful and exciting policies which we have on offer, but a vote for us will ensure there will be more, a lot more, so much so that you won’t have time to worry about what those media drenched personalities are up to and why they left the UK in such a hurry
Vote for us!
And we’ll make sure you’ll know it makes sense.
(My name is Of No Concern of Yours, but I can assure you my sock and underwear drawers are tidy and I approve this message*)
*Hands up all those I thought I was joking………
…. You’ll never know…..