Category Archives: Heroically Bad

When the Demon Comes A’ Callin’

Title: Quote from the very cool over the top Predator 2

Predator 2

Annddddd….

It happens to us all, OR if you want to be pedantic, it has, is and will happen to every writer…..

This I mean…..

‘Oh (exclamation of despair)! Who am I fooling. Why am I bothering. Who is gonna care what I write…right?’Unit2_Lesson2

Yep!  About three-quarters a way through the first draft of the Second Novel in a three (or maybe four) book series.

The words hadn’t stopped flowing, the plot miasma (I never write with an outline) was still there. And, yet there was one of those sneak attacks by the ‘What Is The Point Of It All?*’ demon. Yep, anyone who writes and doesn’t become a ‘name’ gets it. The feeling may be more tolerable the ones the ‘names’ get such as ‘Where’s My Next Plot?’ or ‘What Happens if The Critics Don’t Like It?’.

Every so often this blog is host to one of my rousing posts on the noble cause of writing Just Because and don’t let anyone stop you. And I still hold to these words and thoughts. It’s nice to read of a fellow writer getting a breakthrough or publishing another book. My fingers start twitching in concert with my brain when I read of someone having doubts or getting *WITPOIA (I wonder how is best to pronounce that anacronym? It does sound to be deserving of a solid pronunciation).

And yet, there I was 102,480 words. One Hundred and Two Thousand, Four Hundred and Eighty Words and…..

WALLOP!!!!!…..I am sitting there before the keyboard all deflated and dried up, to extent it even hurt a bit.

Thus puzzled with myself I set to doing some back-checking on possible causes.

OK there was the weirdness. Other people get SAD in in the winter, I get it in the summer (unless in woods, near rivers and away from crowds). So, possible cause.

And there was the lack of action on my published works….Well be fair mate, you aren’t paying attention to the marketing…are you now? I mean the writing is the easy bit…Yeh I know, I know..Ohh I suppose you are right (I often have these conversations with myself- do you?)

Then there was that mix of day-to-day ‘things’ which are like grit in the machine or mud on the wheels and drag you down a bit. You never know when they are going to pile up.

Check reveals it was the usual suspects which this time had all coalesced to form a Perfect Block. Situation filed as NOT UNUSUAL. Ride it out.

I set myself to cutting up small pieces of wood in the garden. Those arising from trees which had to cut down on account of them assailing walls and depriving other plant life of growth. Rather than throw the wood out I was busily doing ‘things’ with the bits.

I, also, set myself to cutting up small pieces of cardboard….no don’t run off…Let me explain…..Print and Play board games, cheaper than buying the whole boxed thing but they do require some time, cutting and gluing.

Well after a couple of days (and daze) of doing this to listening to an audio book of a fantasy author, the Good Ol’ Smidge  Just a Smidge came back and a small grumblin’ voice began to whisper ‘Y’ know you can do as good as this don’tcha?. Get on with that lousy first draft, finish the blessed thing! Then have fun re-writing, y’ know you like that bit’.

And back I went to the work.

Y’see dear readers this can and does indeed happen to any writer. Have no fear. Keep faith in yourself. The doubt and the pain will pass and the urge to put words to paper will return.

OH the joys of being an author!!

fed_up_woman-620x412

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‘Of Patchwork Warriors’….Trelli Speaks

‘Yes, Arketre I’ll do it now. Promise. Honest,’
Oh, she’s a dear friend, but I’m not inclined to her ‘Soldiers have to get on with it’, approach on account of not being one. In fact not starting out as anything to do with heroics, which I now understand is standard fayre for this sort of tale. Nonetheless, I have to say the circumstance is not making anything easier for me.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Trelli, recently when feeling a bit giddy and fed up of a lot of people telling me what to do I changed my name to Trelyvana Waywanderer which thinking back was a bit of silly move, what is sillier though is folk taking the name seriously. Although I don’t suppose that should be so surprising as the whole thing is very, very, very odd.
You will have read comments from other folk involved in this book ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ and some will have told you they chanced upon it, other volunteered, or were sent ‘here’. As for myself, I don’t know how I got ‘here’. One morning I woke up, as usual, will all the memories of my quite good time as a housemaid then sort of housekeeper at the Hendrechan household. Then I found myself involved in this tale of unnatural powers, adventures, escapes, escapades and all the business which goes with it.
In the tale, I often am found saying ‘I don’t know how’ and words like those. Well, truly ‘I don’t know how’. It is a very good thing my friends are Karlyn and Arketre otherwise it would be a very messy business indeed. I did not really know what I was supposed to say about the book, until Arketre said ‘Jus’ say what on yore mind sweetie’ in her usual kindly way.
It’s the author or whatever he is supposed to be who annoys me most of the time. Let me explain something there.
He keeps giving me powers without explaining just how or why very much. He has me doing things which I am sure wouldn’t be that easy for a person to do who had only just got involved in such business. I don’t even have a proper training narrative, no wise person to help me along and it might look good to see a previously simply housemaid (nearly housekeeper) go up against a horrid lord, but it is a most upsetting experience when you don’t know what the frib you are doing!
Then there’s the romance stuff! Of course, he assumes that every humble housemaid (would have been housekeeper shortly!) must be looking to fall in love with any likely fellow who turns up. There was this ‘Will they? Won’t they?’ stuff with Wigran, well I had to put my foot down on any sloppiness there! I told the writer ‘Look! You snatch me out of my good living and spoil my career prospects. You bust up my comfy little town. You have me witness all sorts of unpleasant things; have you ever tried to prepare breakfast with dead bodies about the place? You have me lifting half houses and other very trying acts…and after all that you expect me to flutter my eyelashes and coo after some lad who’s had an easy time in the whole spiffling book! Then you have me thinking the most improper thoughts in the most difficult of situations. Personally, I would never do such a thing!’
Yes, it is an adventure which is a thrill and Karlyn is my really good friend. I admit it was kind of him to have me use my domestic skills to make sure Karlyn and Arketre didn’t fall unhealthy (and Arketre a healer too!). That said I do expect for the writer to have a bit of reality with this romance and bawdiness business, just not comfortable with it at this stage. It’s ok for Wigran him being a young male in a large city with lax morals, it’s fine for Karlyn and Arketre who have had…ah…more experience of that part of life but I would like a bit of chance to just get used to everything.
I hope he listens, this author, but he does remind me of Wigran, dashing off in all directions without much planning. I mean he made a right mess of that last edition of the book and he was supposed to have published a new edition by now!
I would never let him in my kitchen!
Or trust him cleaning the best crystal.
Still, I’m not giving up on the tale, he dragged me in here, so I am fribbing well staying, and am going to make sure any romances will be believable ones!
Men!….Humph!!

And I am not going to tell you buy the book, while it is in such a state. So you’d better wait for the silly fellow to get himself sorted out in the next few days

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

An Author’s Concerns

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’: The Chapter Seventeen Incident- An Appeal for Discernment

Good day to you all at The Word Press City!! It’s really nice of you to take the time out of off your own projects and efforts and listen to what I have to say.

Firstly I’d best introduce myself, I’m Merklin Silc, brother of Grenaww, known to you folk as MR Silc. He takes care of the family business, that’s the trading and a few family emporiums whereas it was decided I could best serve our hometown of Elinid by endeavouring to gain a seat the City Council, which currently it is my honour to do so. Between us, I feel we are contributing to the city which gave birth to us.

You don’t meet me very much in the books. It’s not my role to be there. How could I hope to emulate those heroics and efforts of the other characters?  No, here I am happy to be in the background to serve by ensuring things go smoothly for all the communities in our colourful city. It’s so rewarding to help people and to enlighten them as to the complexities of the running of a big city.

But even if you are involved in mammoth tasks like that, you should never think yourself too above the ordinary day-to-day business of those ordinary folk who are the very foundations of life. So when one of my brother’s employees came to me to express concerns over what could be seen either as a minor commercial effort or arguably a civic drive I just had to take time out.

It involves these very difficult transactions between Your World and Ours in the matter of writing books. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I know absolutely nothing about how the whole things work. Such as how our folk get into your novels, or who has control of which part. I am simply proud to see we have a measure of co-operation going on in what is the area of The Arts. I do wish I had more time to spend appreciating them, but the demands of office are many and continual.

However, regarding the problem. The author of this book ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ by R J LlewellynPatchwork

a writer of determination and perception is quite the valiant independent, something I feel you will agree we must all salute. Sadly in striving to attain his goals certain errors arose. Personally, I do not feel they were very important, not when you exam the circumstances. For has he not given away many copies and those sold were sold at very low prices? Some might be annoyed at the duplication of a chapter, I would say to them ‘Mistakes were made. But lessons were learned’. I have had a chance to discuss with worthy experts the methods of transfers of information between our world and yours, and I am quite satisfied the minor errors arose through the implementation of the forces of The Stommigheid which as you realise by now are very complicated. The matter will be rectified, and a new edition will be launched by the end of what you can a month.

In the meantime, to prove his generosity and good-will if I may use his name, Roger, has allowed the current flawed copy to be given away free for the next two days. And may I say, this is typical of the spirit in which he writes. I have read something of his, as you call it, blog and he is a fellow who strives for every writer to have their say, a true champion of the cause. Something as a public servant I truly recognise.

I’m sorry but I will have to leave you now because there are matters of council business which will not wait any longer, this is the burden you’ve got to shoulder….

Sorry….just bear with me, a message has arrived……Hmm…

Well, well!! This is a surprise! It would seem we will be getting to know more of each other. I’ve just had a message from Roger, it seems he wishes to feature me more in the later works. Now that is a surprise! I’m quite stuck for words!! It really is such the honour!! I can’t think why he would want to do that, just well…I shall do my best.

Good wishes to you all

Merklin Silc

(Councillor of Elidian City, Chairman of Civic Ways and Means, Secretary for Fiscal Appointments, and Advisor to Guild of Notables. Entitled Honoured Citizen. Civic Worthy by Proclamation and Indentured Friend to The Distressed)

Don’t forget now….

Patchwork

 An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

 

 

 

 

 

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

I told the writer, he of an excess o’ names, that I was gonna have mah say ‘cause ‘Kitlin’ (that’s Karlyn to you) was fussin’ me to do so, an’ he starts to get agitated ‘bout the way I speak an’ sayin’ I should tone down mah accent.

‘Why’s tha?’ I say

‘Because people will say no one talks like that,’ he says in a nervous manner

‘An these people,’ I say in a polite but firm way ‘They’d be from Sudd-Hengestatia?’

At this juncture he gets all flustered an’ starts going on about the way some folk speak or are portrayed as speakin’ in his world and I point out I am NOT from his world, thus what the frib’ is he worryin’ fer?

He exits ‘bout then

(Though I did promise to speak a measure more refined when the occasion did require)

So, anyhows I am Arketre Beritt. I am actually serving in the LifeGuard, tha’ an’t made up. In point o’ fact I was posted into this narrative on account of the original girl styled as military was too cute, an’ always cheery. Y’all try an’ be cute and cheery when up to tryin’ to save a life yer up to y’ arms in innards an’ all that resides in them. Damn foolish idea! Anyways I get called over by my Major an’ he tells me I’m gonna be takin’ part in one of your world’s books an’ jus’ be myself, what he meant by that I am not rightly certain.

‘My Major,’ I say ‘I’m not expected to exhibit tactical genius nor be orderin’ whole armies ‘bout the place am I? Because that stuff is not in a medician’s purview,’

An’ he just says with a sliver of a sly smile.

‘Jus’ be yourself Medician,’

Bein’ typical military they don’t go giving me full details, so I turn up into this narrative and do my best getting’ into the flow of it, an’ Thank The Good Lord God they do put me in a typical LifeGuard setting to start with, even fittin’ bits of mah own life in, which was kina helpful, with all the midden what’s goin’ on around me. This Stommigheid, or as we in the LifeGuard call it The Astatheia being the main pain in my backside, because next thing I’m knownin’ is the whole damn thing is Reality, leastways as far as Reality as any of us kan be expected to perceive.

This would have been some cause for compliant save for me meetin’ with Karlyn. Now I’ve had mah fair share o’ conquests and interestin’ interludes, like any good LifeGuard trooper, but she is somethin’ special. An’ folks that’s all y’gonna know. I told his writerness ‘Course y’all should damn well write ‘bout us getting’ together. S’obvious an’ it? Y’all pay attention to the fribbin’ narrative willa? But don’t y’all go puttin’ unnecessary details in. T’aint dignified’

He did not argue over that.

Then there’s Trelli, an’ she is the sweetest most trustworthy friend y’ could hope to ever have. She’s of a kindly nature too, which is good since us other two tend to get a bit rough an’ prone to physical retribution upon anyone who gets in our way, so she calms us down, at times. Except when she gets fierce, then folks ‘Everyone duck!’

On the whole it’s not bein’ so bad, as a trooper’s life goes, an’ getting’ to make decisions of a minor tactical nature was bound to happen I suppose. Makes a change from curin’ Particular Boils, checkin’ back-ends for worms along with all the other woes that befall bodies. Though I’m guessin’ there’s gonna be a whole more of a sewer’s worth dropped on mah poor blonde head at some stage, wouldn’t be army life otherwise.

Some of the others had been agitating about this marketing hoo-hah, which I was none too excited about, I mean how would you like to have lots of strangers knowin’ all about your personal details an’ activities an’ those doubts and fears we’re all plagued with. Point ‘o fact since it’s become apparent that Dozy Fingers  the Writer messed up with his publishin’ process, there’s a whole stop on that side o’things. Kan’t say, I’m surprised at a foul-up having been in the army for a few years, jus’ fribbin’ glad he an’t mah officer. An’ kan’t say I’m too bothered ’bout the business either, someone will sort it out; someone always will. In the meantime, I’ll keep on keepin’ my and my folks delicates intact.

Come to think o’ it. The whole thing is like The LifeGuard.

Anyways, take mah advice an’ steer clear of the book until someone tells y’ it’s all sorted out.

Be seein’ y’.

 

An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

 

Hello.

My name in Wigran Hendrechan and you’ll find something about me in ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’.

I’m not really one of the heroes nor at present, a truly central character, although to be fair if it wasn’t for me Trelli wouldn’t be the strong person she has become. I don’t mean to sound arrogant about that, but it is a fact of Cause and Effect in the book. When you read the narrative, you’ll find there is a great deal of interaction between The Stommigheid and folk and all sorts of things happen no one expects. (Actually, I don’t like the term Stommigheid, that’s too judgemental. The Ethereal is more apt because the whole business is very difficult to pin down in simple sentences)

I’ve been trying to explain all of this to Roger who makes our adventures known in your world. He’s quite sharp on the uptake on the subtleties, but does get lost with the calculations, which I admit involve numbers which don’t seem much like regular numbers, hence the title of a seminal work ‘On Number Where There Are None’ (it’s a bit of a pun, if you know your way about the discipline).

We get on very well together. Once he realised it was a bit unfair for me to be a sort of continual comic relief and be perpetually in a ‘Will they? Won’t they?’ relationship with Trelli. We talked it over quite a bit and worked out some deeper moves for Volume II. He was very helpful there because I was all for going on dying heroically in Volume I but he convinced me to stay with the narrative because of The Potential.

Yes, it is an odd concept isn’t it? I mean, you think we might die, but in our world we don’t we just move into another narrative, or if we choose we go back to our other lives. The duality or even the quadrality is all very straightforward to us, but there again we live by a quite different set of circumstances, which is why we can get exist with The Ethereal so well. Karlyn gets the idea straight away. Arketre being military just reckons ‘It’s another mission. Only with more fun’. Trelli keeps her thoughts to herself, which is fair enough. As for Mr Silc, well he’s made his views plain….I apologise for that interlude, but Mr. Silc is MR. SILC.

I should have ensured these thoughts were dispatched two or so days ago, then this most singular and unexpected event was uncovered. Some while ago Roger and I had checked the book for the Second Edition issue and all seemed well and clean (well apart from the odd words or punctuation, but these things will happen). Then we find out, that Chapter Seventeen had duplicated itself into the format of the narrative. I tell you we were both perplexed, we thought we had been carefully through this together.

Roger was all for blaming what he considers in a malignant form of life which exists in the devices you know as computers and it was done to simply to agonise him. I explained to him that our oculators are more sensitive, being attuned to colour codes and tydes of the Ethereal, whereas your computers are somewhat clunky. Therefore, I had to conclude the error had arisen during an interlude when The Ethereal or Stommigheid if you will, had flowed between our two states of existence and had inserted an older version of the chapter into the narrative we were turning into the book.

Another fascinating possibility is the whole event was caused by the merging of two separate streams of Time, so the earlier chapter was brought from ‘a time ago’ and included in ‘The Present’, both terms being approximates.

Anyway, we are working on another edition which we hope will have expunged the aforementioned chapter, although we cannot be certain because The Ethereal is quite a strong and persistent force.

You will understand, therefore, why I am not getting involved in this marketing aspect. I mean I can’t go on about something which has what you would consider a flaw. If you don’t mind I prefer to think of it as a manifestation of the vastness and complexity of The Ethereal.

Thank you for your ‘time’ (that’s another pun by the way)

An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

 Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Ullo. Grenaww Silc’s the name. Elinid’s me home town. I do alright by her and she does alright by me, if you get my meaning, which most folks do, soon enough, and feel a lot better for knowing so.

Now this lad who does the writing. Well, be honest he’s a bit of walnut. Told him so, and give him his due, he accepts that and does his best.

To be fayre to him, he’s given Elinid a good spread, been writing about the old town for years, he has, in one those affectionate ways, which is nice. ‘Course he started out the wrong way, gave us Silcs a minor, what they call, reference role, just to build up this Ven Jek bloke. Oh yes, I shouldn’t get started on them Jeks, going on like they was all moral and just roguish when they were just a bunch of small-time shifters. But anyway, times move on. Old Elinid prevails and us Silcs, we prosper and these days, apart from that Ven getting’ a mention amongst them Jordisk folk who fiddle with dangerous stuff, who knows about Jeks?

Yea, now this book. Old Walnut has a problem with writing villains. He can’t stands ‘em! Says they’re all cliché and trop and goes off like all those arty folk do as if someone had stuck a pin in their backsides. And he always writes these pantomime types, who you know are going to fall on their arses. I told him ‘Yer lookin’ in the wrong places sunshine. Yer lookin’ at those upper-class privileged wobblers that never had to get dirt under their finger nails fighting for a crust o’ bread. Any twonk can sound menacing and superior when they’re scaring peasants. It’s when you go on the backstreets where even the little ol’ grannies can slice you up that you’ll find the worthwhile folk’

He gets the message and pays attention to the way we do business in Elinid, then he finds that writing about folk who have to do things the tough way because that’s the way it is is not so difficult after all. Even says he enjoys it. Of course we don’t tell the lad everything, I mean aside from giving away trade secrets, it might be a bit, well, let’s just say, unsettling for some folk.

And it’s been alright, working with the other folk who are characters. Nice bunch, once you get passed all of their peculiarities, but as I says Folks is Folks and that’s the way it is.

I didn’t get involved with all the editing and re-writing stuff, not really my strong hand o’ cards. My trouble was, when we came to the bit about his nibbs trying to sell the books, that’s where me and him had a BIG falling out. I look at it this way y’see. We gave him all of our special insight into villainy and so forth, so we, me and the boys we expect something for our efforts; a bit of the old gold, y’ know. But it turns out he’s a bigger walnut at that, than writing! All we see is pennies! I have to say to him ‘This is a bit o’ a disappointment, this is, sunshine. You talked a brighter version than this to me. So what’s all this about then?’ And he gives me an old sob story about marketing and profiles. Which means I have to get stern with him, then ask him to hand over the figures for me to look at. And that did it for me , I can tell you.

‘5 sold and 18 given away!’ I says ‘What’s this 18 given away then?!’. Well I grant you I might have been a bit loud, but there was no need for him to panic, hide under a table and babble on about his blimpin’ profiles. I wasn’t going to stand for all that arse-blast, I tell you.

So, I have to have a word with you folk, direct, and I hope civilised, that you’ll understand.

About this book ‘Of Patchwork Warrior’Patchwork

 

‘Err Mr.Silc, I would rather you didn’t,’

‘Sush! This is business stuff. Not your strength.’

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, as I see it. He’s been giving these books away and selling some of them at very, very reasonable prices. Well, what springs to my mind is the old saying ‘Favour for a favour’...see what I mean. If you got a copy either free or very cheap then see it from my viewpoint, is it too much to ask for folk to say how much they enjoyed the read, or if they didn’t then say so, we’re all grown-ups here. But just a quick mention, somewhere on your ‘NET’ would be a very nice thing to do..as I see it. Spread the Good Word. Help the Old Sales bit. Shake up the market.  You know, me and the boys are very old fashioned, and we think that would just be, well Good Manners. Although we are a bit rough about the edges, we reckon civility costs nothing, particularly when someone got the book for free. And we do dislike…

‘Err…Mr Silc, I’m sure they didn’t mean-‘

‘Quiet Walnut! You’re interrupting AND that is RUDE! Get back under your table’

Now where was I….Oh yeh….This NET is interesting, I got our lad Wigran (he’ll have his say at some stage I’m sure) to check it out for me, not as flexible as our stuff on the Stommigheid, but he was able to find out who has a copy of which book (there’s some other stuff I never got involved with) and that was MOST INTERESTING..

‘Oh dear this is not going well…there will be repercussions…’

‘Mr Grutch! Would you please apply a sock to his mouth for me………Thank you Mr Grutch,’

Mmmmff!’

‘No problem Guv’nor,’

I am sorry for the interruptions, you know how fragile some of these writers can be. Anyways I’ve not got much else to say really. Gave you my side of the business and made our feelings known. So I hope you folk understand. After all, we can all get along together. Can’t we?

Nice speaking with you.

Take care now. It’s a twisty old world. You never know what might happen, if you’re not CAREFUL and not PAYING ATTENTION.

Be SEEING you.

Don’t forget now

OF PATCHWORK WARRIORS

Patchwork

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

An Author’s Concerns

 

An Author’s Concerns

Dear fellow writers, this day you find me a troubled person…..

 Me

There is much discussed about how characters develop and how they should be utilised, be they major or minor.

One aspect which is not given that much time and space, because it is an arguable and moot point is where the author finds they have tuned into another part of the vast Reality which in The Universe in all its manifold manifestation in what we humans’ clumsily call the Past, Present, and Future.

This effect should have a name or title, or something, but I am fribbed if I can think of one! True it is beneficial as it allows the author to surf along the narrative, translating it into our everyday language and thus be understandable (sort of). However, as we all know and as the actresses so succinctly to the bishop nothing comes without its price. (that’s an old British-style musical hall joke by the way…can be used in all sorts of ways, as the actress said…oh never mind, you get the idea).

But I digress.

The problem arises is when the sentient beings which are the characters perceive you are there and you are turning their lives into a tale for others. By good fortune, the ones I have encountered have actually been quite co-operative, nay even enthusiastic (at times). However, once they know just what is going on they start to become intrusive, telling you how things should be going, and expecting you do more than you might feel inclined to do, and at times impatient with a writer who has, shall we say, indolent tendencies.

I say this in advance for anything which might turn up on my blog in the days ahead, for I fear some of them may have stole in with the intention of making their feelings known and being so clever are keeping things hidden from me.

Sorry about that, but they are a very enterprising bunch.

Book Cover 9

???

Oh Fribbin’ First Hell, he’s not told ya has he?

S’called  ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ and he writers under the name of R J Llewellyn (which is supposed to sound more Fantasy like, or so he says. I said he should have used Gret Sandstone, because it sounds more strong, but he just whined on about people would laugh at him. An’ I says, ‘they’s laughing at you already mate!’ an’ he says ‘That’s not a  very nice thing to say Karlyn’ an’ I say back ‘Droppin’ me out of the sky into a little lake-or was it a big pond?- on a chilly day wasn’t very kindly neither!’ Then he goes and sulks…. That’s authors for you. Get all of a sproggle, they do.

Anyways, I’ll be back tomorrow, wiv a LOT more to say, I can tell y’!!‘Of Patchwork Warriors’- The 2nd Launch!*

*(An’ I ‘ad to do that for ‘I’m too!!)

A Leap In The Dark (Sort Of) ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

Honestly folks, I truly would not absolutely, certainly, definitely try this anywhere other than on WP. Yes, I know I am saying that before you know what the subject matter is, but it simply as to be said the WP writing community is an open, and freewheeling sort of place where a writer feels things can be tried out without fear of ridicule or ill-informed censure.

(You know the sort of thing, like someone going onto a ‘discussion forum’ to modestly and politely state their religious, political beliefs, or social beliefs and getting responses with as much indignation and abuse as if the person had suggested a national holiday to be set aside for the drowning of small cute pets)

Anyway; as you may know (or may not know- after all a reader of blogs can’t be everywhere at once) one of the features of my posts over the months has focused on my fantasy book project Current Working Title: ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’. There were a couple of approaches, a while ago I posted up extracts, and more recently have found intermittently a consecutive series of posts of the entire work up to about one-half way through. There have been favourable comments, very constructive advice and an encouraging number of ‘likes’.

Now, here is the thing.

How is it shaping up folks?

On this post I am attaching links to all of the ‘Parts’ which include the chapters of about half-way through. If you have not read any or missed some, they are all here. So you have an opportunity, if you so wish to gauge this ‘work in progress’. This I stress, is not an urgent plea for folk to drop what they are doing and pile in with comments. The post could continue to collect comments for months because folk might take months to read the whole.

Basically, these are the questions I am looking for answers.

Firstly: Is the story holding together?

Secondly: Do you care what happens next? (This question has to be asked. You must have been reading something where you reached the stage of saying ‘I don’t care. I just don’t care what happens next!). Don’t be afraid to answer that one, you’re not drowning cute pets, you might be saving a potential commercial readership from suffering that fate.

Thirdly: What needs improving? There must be ‘things’.

And there we go. The cool thing is you don’t even have to take part, you don’t have to say a word if you don’t want to, because that in itself is as informative as anything.

So, no immediate response necessary (like there’s about 70,000 words floating about there.)

So, no response necessary.

It’s all valuable folks.

And that’s a genuine statement.

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 1

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 2

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 3

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 4

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 5

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 6

Of Patchwork Warriors Part 7

Patchwork Warriors Part 8

Of Patchwork Warriors (What the Earth he is on about- ie a Glossary)

Firstly, once more thank you for taking the time to read, offer constructive thoughts and messages of support. Ron@ ronbrownx came up with the very solid suggestion that a glossary would be useful and there has been a timely reminder by Audrey of Audrey Driscoll’s Blog audreydriscoll.com

Since I have too much fun making up words and phrases to suit my world it is only fair that this matter should be addressed. So I have approached this in alphabetical order rather than trying to be too technical and sub-divide into topics (that only works if someone is inspired to make a role-playing game out of this….oooh royalties…yeh right). Anyhows, here we go

Naturally folk being folk there are a lot of vulgarities here. Also ‘Karlyn’ makes up her own words.

Age of Conceits: The official name given to the era which gave rise to the current problems in the world. This led to the Age of Retributions

Age of Remorse: The official name for The Present

Age of Retributions: The official name for the era when it was alleged everything went wrong

Astatheia: This is the LifeGuard term for The Ethereal; similar in meaning but with more of a warning

Being placed unfortunate: When an unmarried girl becomes pregnant.

Centrus Sea: Mediterranean

Crocked: -Broken. Stupid. Wrong

Decan– The equivalent of one week. Time does not run in ‘Patchwork’ as we are

used to. Hence a ‘week’ there is ten days long (decan stolen from decade)

Devoteds– Basically equivalent of nuns, but not as in Sound of Music

Donger– Naughty word. Penis

Equesteria– LifeGuard rank for a trooper charged with the care of horses. (another obviously stolen word)

Ethereal– Jordisk term for the power which affects the world. Was in the ‘Age of Conceits’ the official term. In theory can be harnessed. In practice, dangerous (very).

Fayre– The way they spell ‘fair’- just sounds nice to me

Fifth Hell– The worse place possible- All sorts of torments for the really deserving. And also used for a really bad state of circumstances (Think Fubar)

First Hell – Believed to be the place where the annoyingly stupid end up. Also used to describe someone ‘Certain to the First’

Foggea: Possibly what’s left of the isles off the western coast of the imperial mainland

Fourth Hell – Fear. Reserved for heretics and ‘minor’ criminals (legal and moral); where they can see the Fifth Hell. Also indicating you are truly scared.

Frib– Common mild expletive (also fribbin’ or fribbing)

Gawdelpusal– Elidian accent exhortation for ‘God Help Us’

Ghitanixday– Fifth day of the decan- when workers get a half day (terrible pun based on American sardonic phrase ‘Gee thanks’)

Goodlawdgawd– Elidian ‘Good Lord God’ (usually used when surprised)

Grassshopping– LifeGuard term for people using the Astatheia to cover short distances

Grim The – Elidian term for the LifeGuard.

Hengestatia- Somewhere in the central part of the Oakhostian Empire where reside folk with similarities to the current population of the USA; sort of divided in the North (Nordd) and South (Sudd); the former of a ‘western’ style; the latter of a..err southern style

Happy Sliding on a Stick– Very vulgar term. Used as expletive of surprise, exasperation or insult (just imagine where the stick is going and you’ll get the message)

Jordy- Slang term for Jordisk- Normally used by Karlyn

Kerfluffeg– A Karlyn word for confusion or confused

Knobbling– A Karlyn word with many meanings including tricked, confused, trapped, outwitted and occasionally just plain rude.

Lady Green Vixen; Captain-Sister-to-Us-All- Exclamation used by women in the LifeGuard a reference to the legendary Sherevine of the Chasserai

La Rovina– As used by Sinola Mietitore and his team The tuscatalian term for The Ethereal (based on the Italian word for ‘Bane’)

Libratery: Equivalent to Convents. Very socially active. With their own networks and strictures. Low profile but not to be fooled with.

Little Hell– A common expletive of annoyance; ‘Little’ added to denote from the realms of Hell

Lord God’s Jewel – The religious term for The World

Lunation – In the Patchwork world this equals a month. Four decans equal one lunation There are ten lunations in a year. So there are 400 days in a year. (err possibly days are shorter- haven’t worked that out yet)

Manse– An old word for house (possibly of Scots’ origin)- Here used to denote a largish building more strong than a mansion and possibly where suspicious deeds are carried out.

Medician– LifeGuard rank of medic.

Mediphsic– A medician’s kit

Mentor – Common folk’s terms for a priest (aka Translator)

Midden – The more acceptable word for ‘shit’. When the latter is used things are really very, very bad.

Nanonsphere– A Jordisk term for the environment (and a hint to the reader)

Noodle-hutch – Karlyn’s word for somebody currently or permanently unstable

The Oakhostian– The empire; think Europe

Oculator- Standard term for devices used to observe events going on in ‘The Power’. Also used for communication over great distances and in some cases for transportation. Some folk insist on their own grandiose terms (I’ll warn you)

Oculartragen- A LifeGuard invention. A portable Oculator to be used on missions, mostly for short range tracking and short to medium range communication

Old spikeys/ spikies – Elidian term for demons

Ordinance: Generic terms for both artillery and artillery projectiles

Owls- LifeGuard term for the troopers who work the Oculators

Paladinic- A word whispered amongst Jordisk for legendary books which are considered true accounts of events during the Age of Conceits (for those of you new to my writings, this is an in-joke to my three previous volumes of screwball fantasy, on which most of the groundwork here in Patchwork is based)

Particular Boils: What men get when they are not careful who they…ahem…indulge with

Roder: A location which takes in what used to be the Middle East, Turkey, Iran. A place of richly exotic and dangerous folk, who look upon their neighbours to the west and irresponsible and barbaric. Somewhat feared.

Salutation: Only used by women as a sarcastic term for periods. Men are wary of the word and as one ‘we shouldn’t use’

Sanded Lands: Basically the area we might recognise as North Africa. A collection of nations which the Oakhostian folk are wary of on account of seeing them as ‘exoctic’, although quite a lot of trade and travel goes on between them (mostly dubious)

Scraith: The most vulgar word; meaning violent sexual abuse.

Scrope; A Karlyn word, she uses in terms of general insult.

Scothia: Located on the far north-west of the empire. Rugged and bleak. Seems to be occupied by folk who are vaguely Scottish. Has a ‘past’

Second Hell – Confusion; think SANFU. A place where fussy people are sent to annoy each other in all eternity

Silly-bugger– Familiar to British peoples, means Stupid, or being Stupid

Slaughter of Lowden Moor– A Term relating to a violent solution to a problem, referencing to a particular pointless, bloody and indecisive battle between two contenders for the imperial throne

Slovosskia: The vast empire and constant rival to the east of The Oakhostian. Always in a state of hostilities of one intensity or another.

Spiffle-An almost socially acceptable exclamation of dismay

Splosh/Splooshes – Latrines

Sproggle hole– A Karlyn word, vague in meaning, probably rude

Squirrel-head – Crazy, crazed, frenetic

Squirtz – Exclamation of dismay with its origins in the expulsion of bodily fluids

Stommigheid- The official term for the Ethereal (based on the Danish word for Foolishness)

Stommigheidate– An accusation of use of the Stommigheid

Stormhiggle – A common mispronunciation of the above

Third Hell – A place of Pain. Where generally nasty folk go. Possibly a place you dwell prior to going to The Fifth Hell. Also what you would say when whatever it is really, really hurts.

Thousand – It is a feature of ‘The Patchwork’ world (and likely due to ‘The Power’) that folk do not have any devices for measuring the passage of time in a day. There seems to be an innate sense. Folk will say ‘A Five’ for a very short instance. What we would call ‘A Minute’ they refer to as ‘A Twenty’. An hour is known as ‘A Thousand’. A day is comprised of ‘Twenty-Five Thousands’. Although often organised into watches, by those who organise things

Tildelte-  A person whom a custodian has officially decreed is their assistant (another Danish-based word of ‘allotted’ )

Todger– If you’re British you’ll know. If you’re American ‘Dick’

Translator– A priest: Translator of the Word of The Lord God

Translator Pastoral – Next rank up, usual duties organising priests (in some locations a bit like a sheepdog really)

Tuscatalia: Basically where Italy is geographical; politically – Late Middle Ages/Renaissance. Tends to produce a worrisome number of very capable and astute folk when it comes to plotting and subtle daring-do.

Twonk- Elidian term of insult. Means ‘Fool’

Walnuts- Elidian term of insult for stupid folk

Whychie – Common term for Jordisk (actual spelling varies)

Whychery- Common terms for what Whychies get up to

Wobble – A vulgar term…. basically…ehh..self-gratification. Unless prefaced by ‘A’ & suffixed by ‘r’ in which case a generally useless person.

Zerstorung: A dread realm populated by creatures considered demonic; ( german word for ‘destruction’- I think)

Of Patchwork Warriors Episode 1

Of Patchwork Warriors Episode 2

Of Patchwork Warriors Episode 3

A Sum of Wyrds on Motivations, Inspirations, and Justifications (and probably a bunch of other ‘tions’)

 So this time (sometime in early 2016) I said to myself: ‘OK, you are going to approach this project in a serious, mature and planned approach. You will consider plot, you will reduce the number of words in a sentence, you will make sure the paragraph makes sense, you will watch out for those spelling mistookes that are beyond the capacities of Word Spullchuck. You will learn just what is meant by syntax and do something about it and above all you will read the wise words of the WP bloggers who have books published and sold them.’

To which I replied ‘By crimminy you are write! I will attend accordingly, honour the art, respect the words of other bloggers, and learn. I will place aside money for Editors and professional Covers. I will figure out how best to use Social Media and build up a potential reader base. And have more than one re-write and by sometime in 2017 the First Volume of The Patchwork Warriors will be launched as a sober and sensible venture!’

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I meant it folks, I truly did. As Brandon Sanderson and Joe Abercrombie are my witnesses! The was going to be the start of a series of Serious (with an underlying sardonic humour) Fantasy Novels (Albeit with a lite touch). The target was to reach a THREE figure sales number on Volume One. This was to be a reversal of the previous venture which was Three Volumes with a total combined sales of One.      

 

 

Thus, so it; the work began. Some of you who have been reading this blog for a while will be familiar with announcements, sort of progress reports and extracts all from The Patchwork Warriors. Ah there was in truth, much effort and there were several starts ditched, lots of promising chapters & extracts consigned to Copy & Paste- In A Holding File for Possible Future Use (Useful tip there folks when editing always keep the bits- you never know)

But then, gentle reader, across the great ocean of The Writers’ Muse   came the siren songs of The Anarchical (“chaotic, without order or rule,” from Greek anarkhos “without head or chief”). For they did ride along on Brexit Winds and thus did tempt and so draw me to start upon A True History of The Isles (CurrentlyforsalesonAmazonKindle-termsandconditionsapply). 51vnj7ZqupL__SY346_

Actually this project by my standards was a roaring success, not only was it well received in blog posts so that folk knew about it, but I managed to get it into on book format and upload as a Kindle- now there it looked odd as the chapters did break up but ran into each other. But, BUT to date FOUR! Yes FOUR copies have been sold, and only that but a 5***** review from one Nancy3333!…..Yea team WBH!!!!(well sort of, because it was still sloppy with typos and a few long obtuse sentences).solilqy

Despite this I then forged ahead and by Jan 2017 (or was it Feb?) I had completed the first draft of TPW, and not pausing for breath or even breadth ploughed on with the re-write. In this case not only referring to notes made to ensure continuity but also writing up a diary of the passage of time passing within the narrative (and having to cheat a lot to make all events match up, but you can do that in a Fantasy novel). Yes this would be the big break through By Jove!

Yeah, about that…

The budget for Editing and Cover…without going into ‘family business’ in detail; it’s gone, and quite frankly I would do it all again and again and again without a second thought, just ‘Because’. Hey, Life eh?2nd Dec 15 Blog

But was that a stumbling block? Heavens T’Betsy no! The most important feature of the whole business was to put the story together and to get this out in some sort of form. Its fate would be left to the whims of fortune and circumstance, as usual, and of course now belong to the ages (in so far as the memories of the computers are to be trusted). Thus onwards and ever forwards to completion!!

One facet of this sort of mindset does lead me to a type of free-form which for better or for worse does save me having to worry too much about structure. Some folk will quite rightly make an argument against this approach, and I would not attempt to take issue with them, only to say this is the fate I have chosen for my work. Nor would I urge anyone to make a distinct choice for this option, only to say: ‘It is there’. Working with Fantasy does give me a certain leeway in this, particularly in a world where the conventional laws of physics as we know them are prone to elaborations which none of the characters if they are honest truly grasp. This may seem again like cheating to some, but when you have your time fixed on a multi-volume work there will be other opportunities to sort this out later down the line.

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The question:

But why in the Name of Tolkien do you progress upon such an anarchical path with little hope of success, recognition or return?William Shakespeare

Is a perfectly valid one; if asked by a person who leads Word Press blogs as opposed to the insufferable professional who insists that all authors should idly crawl upon hands and knees on the path of being selected by the correct editors or agents and do as they are told.

The answer if my case is. Because I have created something which is mine; this world has been crafted by my hands; these characters have had live breathed into them, this plot has been fashioned by imagination. This is all my work. This is enough. I need no more.

The last three sentences are the only part which I actually commend as basic advice.

But if you are looking to make a certain level of income or career out of your writing, please dear reader find some other worthier blog

In the meantime, sometime in the possibly late summer will appear ‘The Patchwork Warriors’ as Volume I of ‘The…….. (errr I’ve not worked that bit out yet) or maybe ‘…………….’ as Volume I of ‘The Patchwork Warriors’- I’ll get back to you on that!b85885aa0fd01f0cbebaa2798639b472

Meanwhile keep writing folks….make me proud!