Category Archives: Characters

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’….Trelli Speaks

‘Yes, Arketre I’ll do it now. Promise. Honest,’
Oh, she’s a dear friend, but I’m not inclined to her ‘Soldiers have to get on with it’, approach on account of not being one. In fact not starting out as anything to do with heroics, which I now understand is standard fayre for this sort of tale. Nonetheless, I have to say the circumstance is not making anything easier for me.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Trelli, recently when feeling a bit giddy and fed up of a lot of people telling me what to do I changed my name to Trelyvana Waywanderer which thinking back was a bit of silly move, what is sillier though is folk taking the name seriously. Although I don’t suppose that should be so surprising as the whole thing is very, very, very odd.
You will have read comments from other folk involved in this book ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ and some will have told you they chanced upon it, other volunteered, or were sent ‘here’. As for myself, I don’t know how I got ‘here’. One morning I woke up, as usual, will all the memories of my quite good time as a housemaid then sort of housekeeper at the Hendrechan household. Then I found myself involved in this tale of unnatural powers, adventures, escapes, escapades and all the business which goes with it.
In the tale, I often am found saying ‘I don’t know how’ and words like those. Well, truly ‘I don’t know how’. It is a very good thing my friends are Karlyn and Arketre otherwise it would be a very messy business indeed. I did not really know what I was supposed to say about the book, until Arketre said ‘Jus’ say what on yore mind sweetie’ in her usual kindly way.
It’s the author or whatever he is supposed to be who annoys me most of the time. Let me explain something there.
He keeps giving me powers without explaining just how or why very much. He has me doing things which I am sure wouldn’t be that easy for a person to do who had only just got involved in such business. I don’t even have a proper training narrative, no wise person to help me along and it might look good to see a previously simply housemaid (nearly housekeeper) go up against a horrid lord, but it is a most upsetting experience when you don’t know what the frib you are doing!
Then there’s the romance stuff! Of course, he assumes that every humble housemaid (would have been housekeeper shortly!) must be looking to fall in love with any likely fellow who turns up. There was this ‘Will they? Won’t they?’ stuff with Wigran, well I had to put my foot down on any sloppiness there! I told the writer ‘Look! You snatch me out of my good living and spoil my career prospects. You bust up my comfy little town. You have me witness all sorts of unpleasant things; have you ever tried to prepare breakfast with dead bodies about the place? You have me lifting half houses and other very trying acts…and after all that you expect me to flutter my eyelashes and coo after some lad who’s had an easy time in the whole spiffling book! Then you have me thinking the most improper thoughts in the most difficult of situations. Personally, I would never do such a thing!’
Yes, it is an adventure which is a thrill and Karlyn is my really good friend. I admit it was kind of him to have me use my domestic skills to make sure Karlyn and Arketre didn’t fall unhealthy (and Arketre a healer too!). That said I do expect for the writer to have a bit of reality with this romance and bawdiness business, just not comfortable with it at this stage. It’s ok for Wigran him being a young male in a large city with lax morals, it’s fine for Karlyn and Arketre who have had…ah…more experience of that part of life but I would like a bit of chance to just get used to everything.
I hope he listens, this author, but he does remind me of Wigran, dashing off in all directions without much planning. I mean he made a right mess of that last edition of the book and he was supposed to have published a new edition by now!
I would never let him in my kitchen!
Or trust him cleaning the best crystal.
Still, I’m not giving up on the tale, he dragged me in here, so I am fribbing well staying, and am going to make sure any romances will be believable ones!
Men!….Humph!!

And I am not going to tell you buy the book, while it is in such a state. So you’d better wait for the silly fellow to get himself sorted out in the next few days

‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

An Author’s Concerns

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‘Guess y’all kin call me a Patchwork Girl’ LifeGuard Arketre Beritt reflects.

I told the writer, he of an excess o’ names, that I was gonna have mah say ‘cause ‘Kitlin’ (that’s Karlyn to you) was fussin’ me to do so, an’ he starts to get agitated ‘bout the way I speak an’ sayin’ I should tone down mah accent.

‘Why’s tha?’ I say

‘Because people will say no one talks like that,’ he says in a nervous manner

‘An these people,’ I say in a polite but firm way ‘They’d be from Sudd-Hengestatia?’

At this juncture he gets all flustered an’ starts going on about the way some folk speak or are portrayed as speakin’ in his world and I point out I am NOT from his world, thus what the frib’ is he worryin’ fer?

He exits ‘bout then

(Though I did promise to speak a measure more refined when the occasion did require)

So, anyhows I am Arketre Beritt. I am actually serving in the LifeGuard, tha’ an’t made up. In point o’ fact I was posted into this narrative on account of the original girl styled as military was too cute, an’ always cheery. Y’all try an’ be cute and cheery when up to tryin’ to save a life yer up to y’ arms in innards an’ all that resides in them. Damn foolish idea! Anyways I get called over by my Major an’ he tells me I’m gonna be takin’ part in one of your world’s books an’ jus’ be myself, what he meant by that I am not rightly certain.

‘My Major,’ I say ‘I’m not expected to exhibit tactical genius nor be orderin’ whole armies ‘bout the place am I? Because that stuff is not in a medician’s purview,’

An’ he just says with a sliver of a sly smile.

‘Jus’ be yourself Medician,’

Bein’ typical military they don’t go giving me full details, so I turn up into this narrative and do my best getting’ into the flow of it, an’ Thank The Good Lord God they do put me in a typical LifeGuard setting to start with, even fittin’ bits of mah own life in, which was kina helpful, with all the midden what’s goin’ on around me. This Stommigheid, or as we in the LifeGuard call it The Astatheia being the main pain in my backside, because next thing I’m knownin’ is the whole damn thing is Reality, leastways as far as Reality as any of us kan be expected to perceive.

This would have been some cause for compliant save for me meetin’ with Karlyn. Now I’ve had mah fair share o’ conquests and interestin’ interludes, like any good LifeGuard trooper, but she is somethin’ special. An’ folks that’s all y’gonna know. I told his writerness ‘Course y’all should damn well write ‘bout us getting’ together. S’obvious an’ it? Y’all pay attention to the fribbin’ narrative willa? But don’t y’all go puttin’ unnecessary details in. T’aint dignified’

He did not argue over that.

Then there’s Trelli, an’ she is the sweetest most trustworthy friend y’ could hope to ever have. She’s of a kindly nature too, which is good since us other two tend to get a bit rough an’ prone to physical retribution upon anyone who gets in our way, so she calms us down, at times. Except when she gets fierce, then folks ‘Everyone duck!’

On the whole it’s not bein’ so bad, as a trooper’s life goes, an’ getting’ to make decisions of a minor tactical nature was bound to happen I suppose. Makes a change from curin’ Particular Boils, checkin’ back-ends for worms along with all the other woes that befall bodies. Though I’m guessin’ there’s gonna be a whole more of a sewer’s worth dropped on mah poor blonde head at some stage, wouldn’t be army life otherwise.

Some of the others had been agitating about this marketing hoo-hah, which I was none too excited about, I mean how would you like to have lots of strangers knowin’ all about your personal details an’ activities an’ those doubts and fears we’re all plagued with. Point ‘o fact since it’s become apparent that Dozy Fingers  the Writer messed up with his publishin’ process, there’s a whole stop on that side o’things. Kan’t say, I’m surprised at a foul-up having been in the army for a few years, jus’ fribbin’ glad he an’t mah officer. An’ kan’t say I’m too bothered ’bout the business either, someone will sort it out; someone always will. In the meantime, I’ll keep on keepin’ my and my folks delicates intact.

Come to think o’ it. The whole thing is like The LifeGuard.

Anyways, take mah advice an’ steer clear of the book until someone tells y’ it’s all sorted out.

Be seein’ y’.

 

An Author’s Concerns

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Mr Silc wants to have a few words about ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’

‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ Wigran Hendrechan explains something of the forces at work

‘Ullo Everyone! It’s proper ‘Patchwork Warriors’ time!!

Hi Karlyn here!!

‘Lo everyone! I said I’d be back didn’t I?

For meself, speaking personally, I was pleased  wiv’ the way ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ went. There was a lot of running about, thumpin’ blokes wot deserved it, stabbing a few an’ I got to climb up as many trees as I wanted to AN’ talk to so many really interesting and clever bees and butterflys. AN’ a made a really best good friend Trelli, who understands me. And is kindly an’ sweet.

AND ‘course there was (hee-hee) Flaxi, whose proper name is Arketre but she’s got this lovely blonde hair! So my pet name for ‘er is Flaxi!….But I’m not supposed to say too much ‘bout us ‘cause Flaxi’s particular about HOW much you lot should know. She says ‘I don’ want to go a walkin’ about their bedrooms do I naw? So they can jus’ use their Good Lord God-given imaginations!’– she can get a bit snippy y’know.

Anyways, so this lad Roger gets sniff of all the tydes and such wots and starts to put them together, us putting him right from time to time. Sometimes I had to give ‘im one of them allegorical smacks on the ‘ead. I told him straight ‘I don’t care wot a rommm-Kommmm is in your world sunshine, it won’t do for us!’ then he got in a sulk an’ then a panic and starting wibblin’ about the place ‘bout ‘is own ideas! Well I just laughed, harshly, an’ threatened him with a half-finished book. I says ‘We’ll walk out on y’know. Leave y’ Bee-refted an’ all forlon, just like an unwatered flower!’ so ‘e does as he’s told (Well, actually ‘e had Flaxi lurkin’ over his shoulder an’ whisperin’ fings like ‘Dontcha y’all go writin’ no stuff for the boys to get over-excited about naw,’).

An’ then later on he got another bit of panicky ‘bout ‘ow I was like some characters in more well-known stuff in ‘is world, then I says ‘Huh! If y’’ asks me seems like they’s more like me! Only not as variable’ well that confused ‘im, so he shut up and got on wiv writing, like a good lil’ doggy.

Mus’ tell you! We ‘ad so much Hooo-Hah wiv the cover! Y’see Roger thought ‘e’d try ‘is own an’ did all of these photographs, which I ‘elped ‘im wiv, ‘cas although the lad is a sproggle-head like me ‘e’s all for allegorical an’ symbolisms. But when I shows the rest of the folk  the draft photos there was all sorts of grumblin’ and objections. Trelli wanted to know if that was supposed to be ‘er undershirt, ‘cas it looked common an’ unsanitary, an’ Flaxi complained the whole fing looked like ‘alf of the latrine pit was showin’. Then The Captain (that’s Dekyria), well ‘im being all stern and correct says there should be outlines and silly-outettes of grim lookin’ figures with swords an’ stuff. Well, I told ’em all straight, ‘Look’ I says ‘We’ve got a noodle-hutch doin’ this. Do you fink ‘e can organise that sorta clever stuff? You’ve been wiv ‘im for a year now..right?…If we push the lad too much, ‘ee’ll jus’ go and panic an’ take one of them Amazon stock photos an’ claim everyone will get the Hi-roh-nee!’ Now that put ‘em all in line!

Then our brave author finally gets the whole thing on Amazon on the Kindly only to think that is the end of it! So we have to tell the boy all ‘bout marketing an’ raising profiles. Then ‘e does ‘is annoying ‘Yes. Of course. I’ll get on with it’ and puts some stuff out on the Wordly Press an’ reckons job’s a good ‘un! SO we have to good back an’ ask him wot ‘bout Twitter, Tumbly (or sum fing) an’ that Face Book. He tries to sneak out of that by getting on a box an’ going on ‘bout the tox-i-city of Social Media, whatever that means!

Then he starts giving books away (or downlumps, I dunno) an’ that gets The Guv’Nor (That’s MR. Silc to you lot!) cross, him bein’ all for for money in the bank, but you’ll be readin’ from MR Silc soon, so watch out!

Anyways, I’d luv to stay an’ chat a lot more ‘bout all the good stuff we got up to, an’ answer yer questions but ‘is Sproggleness is workin’ on the second book an’ ‘e’s getting’it all wrong again, so I gotta go an’ do some allegorical ‘ead-smacking, if y’ know wot I mean.

There’ll be some more folk along wiv’ their piece to say, probably more ‘bout marketing and making everything know more…. I reckon it’s a b it of an’ opeless task and we gotta play the long game an’ maybe in like a ‘undred years it’ll all get discovered…. Well a ‘undred of your years, not ours ‘cause we’s different.

See ya!

PS: Don’t ferget to tell everyone one ‘bout us! Y’ can tell we’re more lively than ‘e made out!

Book Cover 9An’ this is the book…. ‘Of Patchwork Warriors!’ S’ on Kindly. An’ it don’t cost that much, so wot you gotta loose I says….And if anyone says in that snotty sorta voice ‘Oh five How-Wars of my Life which Hi shall nevah get back’ an’ then think they’ve been clever, I’ll be ’round to talk wiv’ em if y’ get MY MEANING…. I can y’know, being Eeefereal an’ all.

An’ I gotta a body-count too.

Bye-bye

An Author’s Concerns

An Author’s Concerns

Dear fellow writers, this day you find me a troubled person…..

 Me

There is much discussed about how characters develop and how they should be utilised, be they major or minor.

One aspect which is not given that much time and space, because it is an arguable and moot point is where the author finds they have tuned into another part of the vast Reality which in The Universe in all its manifold manifestation in what we humans’ clumsily call the Past, Present, and Future.

This effect should have a name or title, or something, but I am fribbed if I can think of one! True it is beneficial as it allows the author to surf along the narrative, translating it into our everyday language and thus be understandable (sort of). However, as we all know and as the actresses so succinctly to the bishop nothing comes without its price. (that’s an old British-style musical hall joke by the way…can be used in all sorts of ways, as the actress said…oh never mind, you get the idea).

But I digress.

The problem arises is when the sentient beings which are the characters perceive you are there and you are turning their lives into a tale for others. By good fortune, the ones I have encountered have actually been quite co-operative, nay even enthusiastic (at times). However, once they know just what is going on they start to become intrusive, telling you how things should be going, and expecting you do more than you might feel inclined to do, and at times impatient with a writer who has, shall we say, indolent tendencies.

I say this in advance for anything which might turn up on my blog in the days ahead, for I fear some of them may have stole in with the intention of making their feelings known and being so clever are keeping things hidden from me.

Sorry about that, but they are a very enterprising bunch.

Book Cover 9

???

Oh Fribbin’ First Hell, he’s not told ya has he?

S’called  ‘Of Patchwork Warriors’ and he writers under the name of R J Llewellyn (which is supposed to sound more Fantasy like, or so he says. I said he should have used Gret Sandstone, because it sounds more strong, but he just whined on about people would laugh at him. An’ I says, ‘they’s laughing at you already mate!’ an’ he says ‘That’s not a  very nice thing to say Karlyn’ an’ I say back ‘Droppin’ me out of the sky into a little lake-or was it a big pond?- on a chilly day wasn’t very kindly neither!’ Then he goes and sulks…. That’s authors for you. Get all of a sproggle, they do.

Anyways, I’ll be back tomorrow, wiv a LOT more to say, I can tell y’!!‘Of Patchwork Warriors’- The 2nd Launch!*

*(An’ I ‘ad to do that for ‘I’m too!!)