Grumpy: The New Sensible?….. It’s Time To Take A Stand!

Very well then, let us set the mood:

Pouring Rain

Nothing like a nice grim downpour I always say

Pouring Rain Wrong

 

 

 

Oh My Sainted Aunt!!! There’s always some idiot, see…this is what I’m talking about! Now we’ll have to get to some serious imaging……Right Picture  Ahhh, my ideal holiday home site!!

Anyway…..You know how it goes, you might be feeling unhappy for some reason, you may have a cold which has upgraded itself to a STUPID Cold, and so forth. Anyway you are not feeling sunny AND you switch on the tv or the radio or laptop

There you encounter one, or even worse a clutch of folk grinning as if they’ve had their common sense surgically removed. And is the cause of this unfettered joy? Oh, they’ve all purchased something, or being seemingly free of the normal responsibilities of life such as family or employment have all gaggled together and set off to a sun drenched place where they can all display their perfectly formed teeth to each other.

Stupid…try mePicture_of_Thomas_Carlyle

Or you hope to glean some news items, instead you are confronted by two or more also perfectly formed human beings who appear to find everything funny, especially each other, unless of course you are in time to view a Weather Presenter who presumably is not near any severe weather themselves because they talk about it like it was a spectator sport.

Then while you think your intelligence has been thoroughly insulted sufficiently for one day, you happen across some LifeStyle pundit who explains to you that if think positive (and have made a fortune out of telling other members of the public this), then everything will be fine.

Once you have escaped this onslaught  you encounter people who appear to have been infected by these inane blights. They display symptoms by wearing T-shirts with puerile statements which they think are funny  or insisting in playing badly organised versions of sports in public places, playing loud noises which they think is music, sounding off car horns for no particularly logical reason or if they are too old for these activities gathering in small social herds in supermarkets and chatting away in of the most widely used aisles oblivious to desperate shoppers.

Then there are of course, Personalities and Politicians and Lesser Entertainers who smile for a living by having their ‘fizz-oggs’ plastered over some pointless tome they’ve just had published. And we have Public Holidays or as they are known now National Eat and Drink Too Much Then Act Like an Idiot Day. And there are those who are just plain annoying…

Annoying1  annoyingpeople

(Although admitting to manslaughter the defendants were let off with a caution)

 

It is time dear readers that us normal folk took a stand against these waves of inanity and shallowness and campaigned for the one true and honest holiday National Grumpy Day!

Now the purpose of this holiday is not to be rude or offensive to people in general. It will simply be an affirmation of a person inalienable right to go around normally not having to caper and smirk as if the world was a funny place to be in. People would be entitled to go about with serious and dour expressions, civility will be encouraged, but no smiling! One would be expected to be polite and acknowledge this with a brief nod of the head ‘You’re welcome ‘being the correct response.

puritan-christmas-color

Folk who go about in frivolous manner will expect to have normal people come up to them and say ‘idiot’ then walk off. Anyone who appears on the media with anything less than a grave expression will be criticised, although abuse will be limited to e-mails, txts or tweet with the simple message ‘What’s so damn funny?’. Adverts which suggest anything can be made wonderful and cause for celebration will be banned for that day. DJs will simply give the name of the artist and title of the song, and play the blasted thing. Being intoxicated or otherwise under an influence in public will result in the person or persons being loaded into trucks and driven off to remote and inhospitable terrain, left with sufficient water and bread and told to make their own way back. Comedians will be allowed only to tell sardonic jokes which cause grim laughter and nods of the head. Other entertainers may perform sombre and reflective works, the more castigating folly the better. Book Shops will be asked to respect the holiday by removing from public display those books having covers of grinning celebrities. Supermarkets will remove all magazines.    Your local politician should be lobbied for possible new legal codes against extreme merriment Solution to Frivolityor……  

Gunner Sargeant Hartman

Of course, families can have picnics, but these will be solemn affairs of basic foods and where folk will read out commentaries extoling the virtues of sobriety and frugality, while children will be encouraged to draw pictures or write essays on who they thought was the stupidest person they saw on TV last week and how they plan not grow up like them.

People should visit museums which should ensure there is nothing trendily happy on display. Theme parks will be closed for the day. Staff of fast food outlets will be allowed to wear non-regulation sober clothing, greeting the customer with ‘Yes sir/madam. You may sit down. Your frugality will be with you shortly,’

Marches will be organised in which people will walk slowly and silently bearing banners will slogans such as:

‘Let’s Face It. Reality Is Unavoidable’

‘You Might Think You’re Funny But You’re Not Looking From Where I Am’

‘Too Much Laughter Suggests Tax Avoidance’

‘Being Cheerful Too Often Is Just Asking For Trouble’

‘With This Lot In Charge You’re Still Happy?’

‘Take That Stupid Mask Off!….What Do Mean You’re not Wearing One?’

‘Restrict Public Joviality To Children and Adults With A Valid Permit’

‘Smiling Once in Morning, Afternoon and Night Time is Quite Enough,’

‘Be Grumpy and Avoid Disappointment’

‘If You Don’t Like Today, What Are You Doing Here?’

‘Hurrrrummmpffff!’

‘Be Honest. What Is The Point of New Year’s Celebrations?’

frowning-puritan-CROP (indeed!!)

If your route should take you past a TV or Radio Station, place of Entertainment or the principal building of Civic Administration marchers may break the silence with a minute’s worth of…. 8d8f41c1217d3007621ceda397c48ef6

All participating in the march should sign a solemn and binding pledge that they will refuse to participate in the public celebration of at least two public holidays every year. (Parents of children will be discouraged from selecting Christmas. Do you really want the poor mites being called weird by their peers?).

Finally, anyone planning to be away on National Grumpy Day will be expected to select very, very remote and windswept places guaranteed to upset the socialable noisy set. Right Picture be fair; it’s worth repeating

In conclusion celebrants should not harass quietly happy people who are just getting on with their own lives and keeping themselves to themselves. If these are identified you should approach them, give a stiff little bow and say ‘Thank you for your sense of proportion,’ And above all a celebrant should never criticise a fellow WP blogger whose themes are ones of happiness and determination. These are folk who have found the right balance and when you visit their site you know what to except and in that there is much value; these sites will probably be places where you can rest your tired and media saturated soul. Cherish them.   

manners

As for the rest of the world.Organise now. You obviously know it makes sense

About to Rant

 

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32 thoughts on “Grumpy: The New Sensible?….. It’s Time To Take A Stand!

  1. I have done my part … I have been celebrating Grumpy Day even before I knew it existed! You left out one of my pet peeves, though … people who endlessly post on social media how happy they are because: a) they found a new recipe for squash, b) somebody … hubby, wife, s.o. … gave them flowers, or they just lost a half-pound. Then they post 4 million selfies and pictures of their kids.

    My favourites of your suggested slogans are:
    ‘With This Lot In Charge You’re Still Happy?’
    ‘Be Grumpy and Avoid Disappointment’
    ‘Hurrrrummmpffff!’
    And my own personal favourite: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    Bah Humbug!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. LOL!!! Hi Roger! I am back in the mix! I read this and guffawed all the way! It made me think of a recent brit-com called “Vicious” with Sir Ian McKellen where they portrayed very close friends nearly killing themselves to avoid speaking to each other on the street! It was hilarious!
    I’m all for a little grumpy-ness!
    How are you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Gwin.
      We’re not so bad; the ‘Stupid’ Cold is finally leaving the house!
      Glad you had chuckles!- That’s the important thing.
      “Vicious” was hilarious both Sir Ian & Sir Derek are such experienced dramatic actors, they bought exquisite the timing and delivery to the lines; it was a treat to watch. Anything they are in is bound to be good value!
      Both are openly gay, and so the story goes that when told the working title of the programme was ‘Vicious Old Queens’, Sir Ian said he objected strongly…
      to the word ‘Old’ 😄

      Liked by 1 person

      • How did I know that you were a “Vicious” fan! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show. I was so disappointed that there were only 2 or 3 seasons–but I understand with Sir Ian getting along in age.
        The fact that Sir Ian was offended by the word ‘Old’ tickles me to no end!!!! Thanks for sharing that tidbit!
        I am an unapologetic fan of the ‘Queens.’ I guess it’s apropos since I am Lady G of the Mathildas ! LOL!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Indeed M’ Lady Gwin (I bow at this stage) of the Mathildas – must start work on volume two.
        Comedy is so much more when handled by talented and truly professional actors; their timing was brilliant.
        There’s a kind of soft spot in the UK for gay humour.
        Back in the 1960s (when Homosexuality was only starting to be de-criminalised ) there was a radio show ‘Round The Horne’ (after the principal lead Kenneth Horne); two of the supports Kenneth Williams (and the very underrated ) Hugh Paddick (who were both closet gays) played two over-the-top-obviously gay lads Julian and Sandy and they used to fit into the script all manner of gay coded words and suggestions. They became national hits and you can still buy CDs exclusively of those sketches…..no doubt on YouTube too, though I’ve not checked of late.

        Liked by 1 person

      • LOL!
        You may rise Sir Roger! LOL!!! I love this bit—thanks for humoring me!
        You’ve taught me so much about UK humor. Having these exchanges with you is sooooooo enriching!
        And you better believe that I am absolutely going to go straight-away to YouTube to look for this radio show as it sounds like something that would give me LIFE!
        If I find it I will link it.
        Thanks again Roger, I reckon it’s getting pretty close to dinner time for you (it’s about 1:00pm EST here).
        Hope you are well my friend 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Gwin (08:14 here on the 11th May)
        We’re doing fine.
        BBC Radio comedy 1950s-1960s It was a sillier time, in the best way. There was a lot of what might be called Non-PC, but there was no malice in it; everything could be funny.
        I also grew up on US TV comedies- ‘Car 54 Where Are You?’; ”F-Troop’ ‘Bewitched’ ‘Adams Family’….and so many others…good times. 👍👍

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh boy Roger! You brought up some goodies! As you know by now, Bewitched is my all time personal favorite. There is something about Elizabeth Montgomery that I absolutely adore. She was a doll!
        And the Addams family was hilarious–so were the others that you listed.
        Here, in my neck of the woods, I find that some people either ‘get’ and really enjoy humor from the Isles or they absolutely do not.
        I’ll admit that I have given many a suspicious side-eye stares to those that don’t! LOL!!!!
        Can’t wait to delve into classic BBC radio comedy.
        Glad today finds you doing well!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bewitched was one of the all-time greats. The Kidman/Ferrell film was good, but the TV series.ahhhh…at 14 I had a crush on Elizabeth Montgomery 😌.
        Not so keen on what the UK is putting out these days (Must be gettin’ old 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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