Ructions At Downing Street

Now this is what I call marketing!!

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl

Number Ten Downing Street, Theresa May’s private office.

The Prime Minister sits at her desk, a fretful expression upon her pallid features and a crumpled pile of food wrappers from Greggs strewn before her. Her chin is abundant with flaky pastry and bits of sausage. There is a knock at the door. Hastily sweeping the greasy refuse into her top drawer and wiping her mouth on a tailored sleeve, she bids her visitor to enter.

The Right Honourable Jeremy Heywood pokes a troubled face around the door.

“Ah, Cabinet Secretary, do come in!” May offers him her warmest of smiles, which puts him in mind of a vampire on the verge of attack. “Are you quite alright? You look rather unwell. I suppose it is rather chilly for the time of year. Throw some more socialists on the fire, why don’t you.”

“I shall be sure to do that, Prime…

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Polly-Tickle Missage

I really should be concentrating on my writing BUT what with the all the claims, by and arguments for the various groups involved in UK General Election; the USA Presidential Election and the Brexit Referendum I have been thus inspired by their words and antics…whoops..deeds  to take the stage with the launch of the…

UK Socialist Well Not All of Stalinism Was That Bad party.

Stalin

 

Yes, fellow citizens, here we are at the cusp, or edge or launching pad of a great new future and this is your opportunity to embrace the wonderful policies which this new, forward thinking and realistic party has to offer.

Now I know you are all recoiling in horror at the thought of state ownership, invasive state security and the abolition of other political parties but I would ask you to think about this from a positive perspective.

For instance, you are unhappy with your energy supplier, and you complain and they flip you off with some feeble excuse, then you go to the regulatory body charged with their oversight and they don’t help, so you have to find who next to complain to and by then who one cares about you? Well with a single unitary state owned body you have only one place to complain to and if they try and fob you off, all you need to do is denounce the officials as Traitors To the People’s State and we’ll do the rest! Simple isn’t it?

Then there are the train services. Now we all know that in Britain we just love to complain about the state of the railways. With us you are safe in the knowledge that you will only have one source to complain about. Just remember, it’s not the government’s fault, it’s those idle shirkers who have forgotten their responsibilities to the state!!

Of course, there will be those who might get nervous about these financial markets. You should not concern yourselves! After all economics is all made up as we go along, and if those capitalists can sell bits of financial information with no real pecuniary value and make a profit, then there is nothing stopping us selling the UK as a great place to do business with. They give us the money. We do the job. And we give them their money back when we are good and ready. In the meantime, they’ll know it’s a nation where there will be no disruption, no terrorism and no need for bribes because Everyone here will know How To Behave! They’ll want be associated with a winner like that and so the money flows in and that’s right, down goes the taxes!! (And if they’re good and play by our rules the companies might not have to pay…that much)

Now, of course we have to admit that Stalin himself went right over the top over the Purges, The Gulags, The Midnight Arrests and The Transportations of Entire Peoples. That was really over-thinking the problems, and a subtler hand and a series of Soviet wide sporting events would have achieved just as much. But however, you have to order and responsibility. So with us you can be safe in the knowledge that various disruptive factions will be dealt with.: Those who text during live performances at the theatre, TV Presenters who try to do impressions of well-known comics or re-enactments of famous movie or tv scenes, Film Critics, people who wave at cameras during live news broadcasts, loudmouths in general, people who play loud music without having earphones to name but a few will be having a very tough time. Folk who insist on wearing T-shirts with allegedly humorous slogans will be expected to constantly smile in public, and those who have T-Shirts with statements which apparently allude to philosophical or political states will be stopped by the authorities and expected to make an intelligent statement of no less than five minutes in duration supporting that view. Drunks of course will be locked up and when sober be made to clean up the mess. Criminals? Well if you don’t see them around after a few years, you shouldn’t ask. After all, you don’t want to be seen as supporting criminality, do you?

As for all those political parties which have been clouding the issues and bothering you at election times with oblique and vacuous messages, well we’ll be simplifying the process. There’ll only be us! You will of course have a choice of at least five candidates from the party at each election and be honest everyone that’s as much variety as anyone needs.

There will of course be newspapers, tv and radio programmes. And there will be freedom of choice and expression, but we are aware that many people are boggled by the amount of stuff being churned out, so a great deal of unnecessary opinions and misleading statements will no longer be put out, just so you are able to concentrate on the important issues. For instance, you’ll finally be able to get thorough detailed and concise three hours’ worth of information on the care of those potted plants you’ve been worried about!  

Some will be worried about the surveillance issue. There again we can put your minds at rest. Everyone will have no privacy from the state for everyone is equal, and for the vast majority of you, here is the good news; The State Doesn’t Care. Your private business is not important. All those doing the observation will be selected for their total lack of empathy with the subject, a complete disinterest in any human social activities and a strict adherence to the rule book- yes the very dullest of the public servants will be doing the job! And for those of you who for years have been worrying yourselves as to whether you are being watched, well here is the good news! Yes, now you are! Yep! You can dial up your phone or computer content in the knowledge that at last someone is listening to what you have to say, of course we can’t guarantee that you will be taken seriously, but if you want that sort of attention, remember you have to try a little harder. We never stifle initiative!  

One thing we take very seriously is Intolerance. This will not be tolerated. Folk who display intolerance will be arrested, be sentenced to a mandatory 30 years in prison; their properties will be burnt to the ground which itself will then be levelled over and turned into vegetable patches. All relatives will be placed in custody and examined for intolerant views, children will be placed in the care of the state and told how wicked their parent(s) were. Anything in the way of money or goods left over by the time we’re finished will be sold off and the proceeds passed to the state. Any mention of the guilty person’s name will be a criminal offence. This will show how important Tolerance is.

As for Brexit. That will be dealt with. Rest assured. We know best.

Well, those are just a few of the wonderful and exciting policies which we have on offer, but a vote for us will ensure there will be more, a lot more, so much so that you won’t have time to worry about what those media drenched personalities are up to and why they left the UK in such a hurry

Vote for us!

And we’ll make sure you’ll know it makes sense.

(My name is Of No Concern of Yours, but I can assure you my sock and underwear drawers are tidy and I approve this message*)

Now Is The Time For All Good People To….

 

*Hands up all those I thought I was joking………Othell0-8_2-1924-Jago

…. You’ll never know…..muttley_laughing_by_sektor8bit-d7fv6sh

UK- General Election- Irony and Suchwhich

Now here’s a fascinating notion: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39682388

Labour, not a party associated with religious incarnations has proposed four new public holidays. Each of these are a the ‘national day’ of the four principal ‘nations’ in the British Isles. Each holiday is based on the Christian Patron Saint.

1st Match: Wales St. David

17th March: Ireland St. Patrick

23rd April: England St. George

30th November: Scotland St. Andrew.

Of course it can be argued that in this day and age no one actually celebrates them as the relevant Saint’s Day and that these are simply the convenient focus of an identity and to be celebrated as such. As Mr. Corbyn rightly says “the move would celebrate the national cultures of our proud nations”.  Fair enough

However you just have to love the juxtaposition of the irony. Labour and Religion.

(It’s also quite a cool move, the traditionalists of the Conservative Party could hardly argue against traditional values)

Ah, where would they all be without the occasional nod to Religion:happy-face-clipart-12

Now if we could work in public holidays around Jewish, Islamic and Hindu festivals of celebration, we’d be getting somewhere!

 

Ah…..Those Re-writes….Right?

I can understand why some fellow writers dislike or dread the require re-reading or revision of The First Draft. funny-victorian-era-photos-silly-vintage-photography-9-575132ee985f9__700Yes, typos and minor grammatical errors are bound to be encountered. The true misery comes when what you originally remembered as an erudite speech by a principal character now reads like something you’d overhear at a bar late-night time, or you find out that another principal character far from being a reflective and incisive person, when placed in the context of whole book is a stultifying and repetitive boring pedant. And then worse of all; half way through the plot seems to have evaporated. It happens. I feel your pain, I have been there.William Shakespeare

Now personally, not truly being wholly respectful of Reality I tend to enjoy dip into the ones created in my books where everything is mine, mine all mine! Except of course when the characters take over and require me to chase after them and find out just where they have gone.Sprinter

So there was/is Patchwork Warriors First Draft completed and wasn’t that a cool way to end this volume. Well, I says let’s see what is what.

Naturally there was the usual battle with Microsoft Word and the justifiable expletives outrage1-620x350 at it over Reflexive Pronouns and other obscure rules of grammar which might be important in a business presentation but mean nothing in the world of literary endeavour. (I mean, be fair who interrupts your discourse with a cry of ‘You used a reflexive pronoun!’ and claps their hands over their child’ears?…..Really? I must come and stare at them).

The first problem was a usual one for me; I hate villains, blaming ‘successful authors’ for using Cliché Central to meet the deadline. So this really nasty guy had ended up like something out of pulp melodrama, longjohnsilverall that was needed was a moustache and lines like ‘ Har-har! In Me Power’, or one of those dire half-paragraph god-complex asides beloved of serial killers. Well as much as I hate the little toe-rag I had to put some back-bone and originality into him. This had its benefits, this caused me to delve more into the scientific/magic background of the world. So all good.

Next came an issue which sneaked up on the proverbial outside rail. A nick-name used by one character to another; it had seemed to lend a flippant air to their relationship, but after reading it over and over and over I had to admit it was unoriginal and not the sort of thing the one character would have used, anyway there might have been a copyright issue. So recourse to the one useful Word trick ‘Ctrl+F and select ‘Replace’…. Wow 75 replacements…who’d have thought it???happy-face-clipart-12

Then going back to the scientific/magic background, as I footled about, the part of me fascinated by Quantum Physics and Cosmology began to nag away with questions like ‘How do they do that?’ or ‘Yeh, but if that is so..well what about that?’. imagesC0U7V2EDThis started a dispute with my literary imagination which demanded if I was intent on writing an alternative scientific treatise or a fantasy novel, ‘cas if it was the former then the imagination was going to take a walk. So over a coffee and a dish-washing duty it occurred to me this was a fracture society still grasping with fragments of knowledge, so who would know everything….well no one of course. (Naw, one character with encyclopaedic knowledge of the world and massive controlling powers is no fun at all in a fantasy novel, ends up coping -put all over the place).

Then there was the dropping out of bits which were long asides and all fun slowed the pace down, or were now redundant with other changes…..Some were not bad, so Highlight; Ctrl+C, then over to a document I keep for bits I might use again and Ctrl+V and back to the novel and ‘delete’, so nothing really lost.b85885aa0fd01f0cbebaa2798639b472

The book is thus morphing, which is how it should be and it’s good fun, because I do like my central characters and one of the villains and it is nice to speak to them and exchange ideas…..yes you can do that, it’s perfectly alright; don’t worry about that ‘Reality’ thing.

If this sounds very familiar to you, congratulations you are on the Good Road. Rewards yourself as follows

Buy yourself a book, you can never have too many books and anyway it’s all part of the literary process.

Treat yourself to a cup or mug of tea or coffee of your choice.

Have a biscuit or snack of course choice.

(The above are important to maintain your energy levels)

Indulge with 5 mins of 8d8f41c1217d3007621ceda397c48ef6

At your favourite media target.

And strive on writing! cropped-24th-nov-1

Now Is The Time For All Good People To….

To vote is a precious gift. When this is taken for granted or abused one needs to have back up resources and ploys to wash out the dross that accompanies this process…

Well here we go folks. It’s General Election time. shock-gif

Actually it will require a Vote by The House of Commons t08-is-this-whist-may-i-ask tomorrow to confirm that, but let’s assume they will not be such spoil-sports as to call off the event. So here is some advice.

Only go on FB if you have tried and trusted community sites where folks share interests and support each other. Otherwise it’s all Huff N’Puff and venom, where sane people will be assailed by all sides and any attempt at compromise or dialogue will be trampled on.Gunner Sargeant Hartman

Suggested Stratagems:

Make your own decision, based on Compassion, Respect and Tolerance. Don’t listen to anyone else, don’t talk about it. Change the subject to the weather, or the state of local bus service/car parking.

Concentrate on your writing.

Seek out a quote on the political process made by a Greek Philosopher. Memorise it, adapt it to your way of thinking and when someone knocks at your door canvassing say “Well, considering, in the light of the wise of words of……. Who said………I feel that…………” and go on for ages.

Concentrate on your writing.

If anyone from any political party comes on the TV talking politics turn the sound down and do Elmer Fudd/Daffy Duck/TelliTubbies/ impressions.Daffy duck

Concentrate on your writing.

If you feel social media mischief getting the better of you, go onto a site find the most stupid, ignorant, bigoted comment and reply with quote from Finnegan’s Wake/Crime and Punishment/Alice in Wonderland.

Concentrate on your writing.

Collect all the political literature that comes through your door, fold them, cut out amusing shapes and if not too adult stick them to a window; if too adult….really?Drunk advert

Concentrate on your writing.

If approached by someone puffed up with their own self-importance tell them in a serious tone that you acknowledge only our true sovereign Her Majesty The Queen, Elizabeth II, and that we are all but her subjects.

Concentrate on your writing.

If you want to watch the political toing and froing treat it like any other spectator sport.

Concentrate on your writing.

When the day comes. Vote. You have honoured those who fought for a right we take for granted. And your vote will dilute and purify the toxicity that has found its way into our realm.

Well done you. Now concentrate on your writing.Victorian writing

 

No caveats found

Irrespective of your own personal beliefs, drink well of the message

musingsofanoldfart

Going through my mother’s old things, I came across a book mark that must have resonated with her, as it did with me when I found it. My mother was a teacher in public schools and as a bible study fellowship leader, so even after her death, she can still teach me something.

The book mark quotes Jesus’ words in John 13: 34 – 35, which says:

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for another.

In looking at this, three words jump out beside the key word “love.” The first is “commandment,” meaning this is so important it is an additional commandment to the first ten. The second is “everyone,” which means he wants all to see the love…

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