Apologies and Just Plain Pleeze!!

I am sorry to have missed out on many posts. Some folk would say I have made a rod for my own back by following too many blogs. This is easy for some to say, my response is it is difficult to choose when there are so many interesting posts. I should of course organise my day to look at the ‘Reader’ field more regularly, however my mind is slower these days. After years of having to think at a frenetic pace in public service, it is tired and objects to such swiftness. It tells me that to look once a day should be sufficient to the way it organises my life. This does lead to a large number to scroll through, which would not be a problem if it were not for some of the quirks inherent in Word Press.Victorian writing

It is difficult to discern just what the problem may be. There is the nagging doubt; is one is up to the task of dealing with modern communications? There again, are these machines not our servants? You see I fail to see why WP has this obsession with me viewing the latest post. After all is it not good manners that one should deal with the earliest post first? This does not occur to WP, it seems to put up with me scrolling down to a post which may be a day or two old and even visiting the selected item, but once I try to move onto the next one WP becomes impatient with me. By its own speed of processing data it seems to think I am dwelling in the very deep past and insists on transporting me to something which has been posted up 36mins ago and pointing that even since the time elapsed in rushing me to this point there maybe later posts awaiting my attention. It is no use me trying to scroll back to where I was; WP will not assist in speeding me there, even if I beg by right-clicking the Black to Notifications, it seems quite dismissive and simply leaves me where I am. WP appears to believe I should spend most of day attached to the site and following every post as it arises and will not be satisfied with any reasonable human suggesting to any other variation.Me

Whereas I do concede that it would serve me better if I could seek some accommodation with the system which would enable me to make a swifter response, I do object to WP trying to interfere with me corresponding with other blogger. I fail to see why it should place a little red dot over its bell if it will not let me do anything other ‘like’. If I try to reply, beyond an emjoi WP will tend to become truculent, it will not respond to my keyboard unless I am thuggish with it and then halfway through it will decide my style in correspondence is so dated I am in need of assistance and in consequence WP convinces my feeble-willed mouse to summon up some kindly mid-western person who interrupts my flow with a cheery ‘Howdy. How May I Help You?’- I bear this happy soul no ill-will, if I were to need them on a street in a small town and they made such a salutation I daresay we would get on famously over coffee and suchwhich. But on WP I am confused, I was not intending to ask for help, what sort of question to frame is beyond me apart from maybe an existentialist ‘Why?’, which since this would be transmitted to someone seated in a helpdesk environment would come across as strange to say the least. This is bad enough, but WP sometimes grows bored with me typing away in a small box and decides it needs to transport me to a menu which it feels is far more in keeping with how it sees things. This has the same function, but does not seem to know what I was writing. This leaves me with the option to either start writing the same sort of thing again or tap onto that little bell and hope WP has kept my script. It does this in a sulky way, eventually allowing me to find where I was but still being truculent will not allow me to continuing to type. It decides to play games, it might make me go back to the bell and tap the icon again, I am glad it does not actually ring that would be annoying, it also feels the need to teach me a lesson and send me back to the fair neater other menu. Thus with my resolve, concentration and creativity ebbing away I am reduced to concluding swiftly and pressing send. WP then teases me by encouraging my laptop to display that little revolving circle for a worrying amount of time and not truly indicating whether my reply has been sent or not.solilqy

By now I have the feeling of walking in a cyber fog, not being sure whether my location is my own blog site or on someone else’s, in the meantime WP is pretending there are more (or less) posts than there could be by hiding some from sight. I lose track of temporal perception, forget I should have taken some medication which would explain something. In the meantime, the Word Document icon is glaring at me wishing to know why I am spending time on WP when there is a book to progress with. It is no use me trying to explain to Windows 10 my problems with WP, Windows 10 is unsympathetic to appeals for any assistance. Windows 10 seems programmed not to reply to anything but suggest you seek advice on a User Forum, which is populated by folk whose knowledge of computers is so far ahead of mine I feel I should be sitting under a tree cracking open things with big rocks.

By this time, I am either in a slough of despondency having been made by WP to seem foolish in the eyes of my fellow-bloggers, or it has triggered the latent anger which is simmering ever since Windows 10 decided it would not allow Windows Media to play 75% of the music I have downloaded or ripped telling me ‘there is something wrong’ or there is ‘some problem’. At this stage I resolve to meet out some sort of twisted vengeance on all programmers.yosemite-sam-vector I will seek out both those involved in Windows & WP, in the dead of night I will conduct an ancient British dance of vengeance in their back garden; in which the performer wears large clumsy boots and hops up and down upon a flower bed or vegetable patch. (Students of folklore are advised not to seek out the details, this is simply the product of my fevered imagination). If I find they reside in apartments I will rent the one above them and in the dead of night and by means of the overflow exit of the bath indulge in Robert Newtown/ Long John Silver and Charlton Heston /Captain Laughton spontaneous conversations, in the knowledge this will register in their bathroom and disturb them, either that or ride a child’s tricycle in the room above their bedroom while doing W C Field’s impressions. All of this is quite bizarre of course but am sure you can appreciate the lengths I have been driven to.

Of course by now I am quite exhausted by the whole thing and shall have to start again tomorrow.20160109_153650

How am I supposed to continue with my post encouraging folk to maintain a calm and balanced outlook in the light of recent political events with such trials and tribulations?

Thank goodness my Spotify Playlist has reached Bob Dylan’s ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’…ahhhh peace…….


43 thoughts on “Apologies and Just Plain Pleeze!!

  1. Was that a rant? That was a rant… a long rant and I think it had a back door, though I don’t know which one I came out of. WP doesn’t run my life since I do my work on email. All posts and comments are automatically downloaded to my Microsoft Outlook which allows me to sort it all anyway I want, first to last, last to first, alpha, other priorities. I only go to WP to post or comment. With over 200 comments a day coming in through various followed blogs, there is no way I could touch it if I had to check each blog!!! In fact I’m having to take a serious look at this avalanche of emails, I don’t have that kind of time to give to blogging. Anyway, good and fun read, as usual, Roger. Let’s see where it all goes and let’s hope it isn’t “in the shit can” as some American friends would say…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Sha’Tara.
      Yep that was a rant, you can’t offend anyone with a rant against computers and programmes (apart from programmers and they’d probably dismiss me as a ludittie anyway!) I might have to open a Microsoft Outlook thing; my e-mails go to Yahoo which is painfully slow amongst other things.
      Curse you Skynet!!


      • Skynet? Duhhhh…. what’s a Skynet, like a sky hook to hang things in the sky? I know, I could Google it, probably some sort of Brit or EU mega server… Ooooo… Yahoo… out here that’s like a virus, about as bad as MSN. Once you let them in, it’s hell to get rid of them. For Internet provider I use my telephone provider, Telus. Basically our here there are only 2 providers of telephone and Internet: Telus and Shaw and although expensive, both are very reliable and very fast. We have fly-by-night piggybackers but they’re not worth playing with – mostly for kids and their smart phones. For browsing, Google Chrome. For virus protection, I run free Microsoft Essentials and nary a problem. How did we get on this topic? Doesn’t matter, beats talking about politicians.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s more geeky than that
        Skynet is the computer system that becomes self-aware in the Terminator films and tries to wipe out humanity.
        If my old civil service had got hold of something like that it would have ended up like the big goofy character in Warner Bros cartoons “Gee I wants a bunny-rabbit to hug and to pet…And-I will call him George!”


  2. LadyG hereby absolves you on account of that darned sky-nitwit (web browser and WP hybrid!)
    I’ve had all these things happen to me as well.
    I just have to tell everyone that I’ll be visiting as soon as I can. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a pity that British dance of vengeance is imaginary. I’d have found it very useful when I had to update my computer’s operating system to El Capitan and then couldn’t use anything properly for the next six months.

    Liked by 2 people

    • For anyone resident in the US it is perfectly reasonable to make up anything to do with the UK and its heritage(s). It’s being going on since the Pilgrim Fathers.
      And ‘We’ do it all the time in these Isles, English, Scots, Welsh, Irish; we’re all very selective in our accounts of our cultural histories.
      Please feel free to use the Dance of Vengeance, say you fell under the influence of a fellow who said he was a welsh druid. Anything is fair when venting fury on computer systems 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I hate that “Howdy! How may we help?” thing, which pops up for no reason that I’ve ever been able to discern. I’ve taken to muttering “By getting the fxxx out of here!” as I click the “x.” It always comes back, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. WordPress is a cruel mistress, it is true. I have lost track of many a loved blog because of its foibles and I know that some of my readers have found themselves either unfollowed for no good reason or have somehow become invisible on the Reader. I say have a cup of tea and turn the music up – WP be damned!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for making us all smile.
    Whenever I need help that ‘howdy man’ is nowhere to be seen. Ive even coughed in hope that he might hear me somewhere across the net.

    Don’t worry about catching up on blogs – it’s almost impossible. I have about 12 bloggers (you included) who I mark as ‘flag’ so I can sit back and enjoy them at a later date.

    It’s the following of new blogs which is risky. I’ve often followed a blog not realising that the writer posts 25 blogs a day and ended up with 485 new emails in my inbox!

    I hope you’ve not made that mistake yet. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, I’ve chosen blogs like that, some didn’t start off that way, then morphed!
      Err…how do you ‘flag’- one blogger to another……??
      Finally the ‘Howdy’ man is a friendly guy, but ‘Gee m’am. Things get so shooty-durn busy these days, a fellah don’t have the time no-how. But I’ll be along directly,’ (at least that’s how I imagine he would speak) 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • I ‘flag’ by highlighting the message on my phone then there is the option to either mark as unread or flag. Mine comes up with an orange dot by the side. If it is read and flagged then it’s just an orange dot. If it’s unread and flagged then the blue dot is inside the orange one. That way you can mark everything as read then flag them all so that your inbox fools you into thinking you have no unread messages and at the same time you know you are not going to accidentally delete them. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks Sharon.
        I have a creaky old phone that needs replacing and keep telling me it’s short on space so I don’t up it for WP. But your explanation makes a lot more sense than official stuff so I’ll bear it in mind when getting a new phone.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Write in Word or Scrivener or Libre Office or whatever suits you. Control A. Copy. Paste into WP. Check formatting, Hit publish. The apps are good for responding if you are stuck down a deep well with free time. Otherwise, we are tied to a computer on a desk somewhere. Writing, for real, inside WordPress is a good way to start swearing at inanimate objects and microwaving yesterday’s coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anything more than a line or two, tends to be on Word then C&A; C&C and C&V, usually several times ‘cas machines hate me.
      Y’see I’ve worked out the secret. As our brains generate electric pulse, I can focus my hate & rage upon a computer and the sheer wave of electronic fury will (sometimes) make it behave.
      In my last job (located on the fourth floor), I would frequently ask my computer if it would like to join me in checking out the Laws of Gravity….it was about this time I was encouraged to retire….


    • Great advice. After the copy and paste into WP, I re-format for WP and use their page for editing. Then I do the categories and tags (optional). I’d never use it for actual, serious writing, that would be like rubbing my forehead on a cheese grater. (No, I didn’t invent that metaphor: heard it in a movie and I liked the image it portrayed.)

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I agree with you and even more so. Blogging and social media keep me chained to the computer. I also refuse to add Twitter. These blogs are leading up to a memoir to be published 3000 miles away in Seattle, hopefully in February. I’ve learned that writing a book is just the beginning, Since 2500 books are published each week, one must also get oneself “out there,” On the other hand, I’ve made friends all over the world, learned so much, and enjoy imbibing the viewpoints of others.
    I use a Mac. After upgrading to WordPress 12, I now try to avoid it. It insisted on printing my 250 page book in about size 4 type. None of the “helpers” could fix it. Like you I’d often like to toss the offending electronics out the window, (I’ll stay here, thanks.)
    Much to my kids’ annoyance, I refuse to upgrade a smart phone. “Mom, we don’t have time for phone calls. We don’t have time for emails. Text,” they tell me. I won’t do it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am convinced computers and computer programmes have a malignant sort of life and “delight in vexing us” (partial quote from Pride & Prejudice”).
      If these smart phones are so smart, how come so many folk have to go back to the shops/stores and plead for help of some sort; that’s what I want to know?


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