The Patchwork Warriors: A Glossary.

Warning: Some words have explicit explanations alluding to harsh language, personal habits or bodily functions (yes ‘sexual’ content!)

Firstly, once more thank you for taking the time to read, offer constructive thoughts and messages of support. Ron@ ronbrownx has come up with the very solid suggestion that a glossary would be useful. Since I have too much fun making up words and phrases to suit my world it is only fair that this matter should be addressed. So I have approached this in alphabetical order rather than trying to be too technical and sub-divide into topics (that only works if someone is inspired to make a role-playing game out of this….oooh royalties…yeh right). Anyhows, here we go


Naturally folk being folk there are a lot of vulgarities here. Also ‘Karlyn’ makes up her own words.

Age of Conceits: The official name given to the era which gave rise to the current problems in the world. This led to the Age of Retributions

Age of Remorse: The official name for The Present

Age of Retributions: The official name for the era when it was alleged everything went wrong

Astatheia: This is the LifeGuard term for The Ethereal; similar in meaning but with more of a warning

Crocked: -Broken. Stupid. Wrong

Decan– The equivalent of one week. Time does not run in ‘Patchwork’ as we are used to. Hence a ‘week’ there is ten days long (decan stolen from decade)

Donger– Naughty word. Penis

Equesteria– LifeGuard rank for a trooper charged with the care of horses. (another obviously stolen word)

Ethereal– Jordisk term for The Power which affects the world. It was in the ‘Age of Conceits’ the official term. In theory can be harnessed. In practice dangerous (very).

Fayre– The way the spell ‘fair’- just sounds nice to me

Fifth Hell– The worse place possible- All sorts of torments for the really deserving. And also used for a really bad state of circumstances (Think Fubar)

First Hell – Believed to be the place where the annoyingly stupid end up. Also used to describe someone stupid ie ‘Certain to go the First’

Fourth Hell – Fear. Reserved for heretics and ‘minor’ criminals (legal and moral); where they can see the Fifth Hell. Also indicating you are truly scared.

Frib– Common mild expletive (also fribbin’ or fribbing)

Gawdelpusal– Elidian accent exhortation for ‘God Help Us’

Ghitanixday– Fifth day of the decan- when workers get a half day (terrible pun based on American sardonic phrase ‘Gee thanks’)

Goodlordgawd– Elidian ‘Good Lord God’ (usually used when surprised)

Grassshopping– LifeGuard term for people using the Astatheia to cover short distances

Grim The – Elidian term for the LifeGuard.

Happy Sliding on a Stick– Very vulgar term. Used as expletive of surprise, exasperation or insult (just imagine where the stick is going and you’ll get the message)

Jordy- Slang term for Jordisk- Normally used by Karlyn

Kerfluffeg– A Karlyn word for confusion or confused

Knobbling– A Karlyn word with many meanings including tricked, confused, trapped, outwitted and occasionally just plain rude.

La Rovina– As used by Sinola Mietitore and his team (you’ll meet them soon)  The tuscatalian (it’s a princedom Tuscatalia) term for The Ethereal (based on the Italian word for ‘Bane’)

Little Hell– A common expletive of annoyance; ‘Little’ added to separate it from the usage as in Realms of Hell

Lord God’s Jewel – The religious term for The World

Lunation – In the Patchwork world this equals a month. Four decans equal one lunation There are ten lunations in a year. So there are 400 days in a year. (err….. possibly days are shorter- haven’t worked that out yet)

Medician– LifeGuard rank of medic.

Mediphsic– A medician’s kit

Mentor – Common folk’s terms for a priest (aka Translator)

Midden – The more acceptable word for ‘shit’. When the latter is used things are really very, very bad.

Nanonsphere– A Jordisk term for the environment (and a hint to the reader)

Noodle-hutch – Karlyn’s word for somebody currently or permanently unstable

Ocean Turbulent – By our standards a very unnatural and dangerous sea, which seems to surround The Fourth Realm

Oculator- Standard term for devices used to observe events going on in ‘The Power’. Also used for communication over great distances and in some cases for transportation. Some folk insist on their own grandiose terms (I’ll warn you)

Oculatorette– A LifeGuard invention. A portable Oculator to be used on missions, mostly for short range tracking and short to medium range communication

Old spikeys – Elidian term for demons

Owls- LifeGuard terms for the troopers who work the Oculators

Paladinic- A word whispered amongst Jordisk for legendary books which are considered true accounts of events during the Age of Conceits (for those of you new to my writings, this is an in-joke to my three previous volumes of screwball fantasy, on which most of the groundwork here in Patchwork is based)

Particular Boils: What men get when they are not careful who they…ahem…indulge with

Salutation: Only used by women as a sardonic term for periods. Men are wary of the word and as one ‘we shouldn’t use’

Scraith: The most vulgar word; meaning violent sexual abuse.

Scrope; A Karlyn word, she uses in terms of general insult.

Second Hell – Confusion; think SANFU. A place where fussy people are sent to annoy each other for all eternity

Silly-bugger– Familiar to British peoples, means Stupid, or being Stupid

Slaughter of Lowden Moor– A Term relating to a violent solution to a problem, referencing to a particular pointless, bloody and indecisive battle between two contenders for the imperial throne

Splosh/Splooshes – Latrines

Sproggle hole– A Karlyn word, vague in meaning, probably rude

Squirrel-head – Crazy, crazed, frenetic

Squirtz – Exclamation of dismay with its origins in the expulsion of bodily fluids

Stommigheid- The official term for the Ethereal (based on the Danish word for Foolishness)

Stommigheidate– An accusation of use of the Stommigheid

Stormhiggle – A common mispronunciation of the above

Third Hell – A place of Pain. Where generally nasty folk go. Possibly a place you dwell prior to going to The Fifth Hell. Also what you would say when whatever it is really, really hurts.

Thousand – It is a feature of ‘The Patchwork’ world (and likely due to ‘The Power’) that folk do not have any devices for measuring the passage of time in a day. There seems to be an innate sense of recording time. Folk will say ‘A Five’ for a very short instance. What we would call ‘A Minute’ they refer to as ‘A Twenty’. An hour is known as ‘A Thousand’. A day is comprised of ‘Twenty Five Thousands’. Although days are often organised into watches, by those who like to organise things

Tildelte- A person whom a custodian has officially decreed is their assistant (another Danish-based word of ‘allotted’)

Todger– If you’re British you’ll know. If you’re American…. ‘Dick’…If you’re anyone else, you probably get the idea.

Translator– A priest: Translator of the Word of The Lord God

Translator Pastoral – Next rank up, usual duties organising priests (in some locations a bit like a sheepdog really)

Twonk- Elidian term of insult for fools

Walnuts- Elidian term of insult for stupid folk

Whichie – Common term for Jordisk (actual spelling varies)

Whitchery- Common terms for what Whichies get up to

Wobble – A vulgar term…. basically…ehh..self-gratification. Unless prefaced by ‘A’ & suffixed by ‘r’ in which case a: generally useless person.

There will no doubt be other words made up as I go along; so this will be up-dated. Will be happy to answer any enquires; and any suggestions will be given consideration (and credit if used!!)

The Patchwork Warriors Reader’s Guide.

The Patchwork Warriors #20

The Patchwork Warriors# 21



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