A True History of These Isles-Introduction and Part 1

Introduction. Preface and Warning

The (Currently) United Kingdom has got itself into a muddle over Europe and might well end up re-titled as The Fractious Atlantic Isles with Ireland adding a new element to its national identity as Nothing To Do With Us.

In these parlous circumstances it is therefore vital that as a writer I heroically transcribe a complete history which will explain how we reached this juncture. There will be no skimping on detail, and in the spirit of other great works of history there will be controversy in the form of opinions, conclusions, interpretations and unavoidable lessons. It should be pointed out that no one group will be spared examination and only those romantic overtones which suit the tenor of the episode under discussion will be included. Quotes in other languages will only be included if they are out of context and thus unintentionally funny.

There will be no bibliography as that is just plain showing off.

Nor will there be foot-notes because such titchy print can be tough on the eyes.

Questions of Good Taste will naturally not be considered; this is history.

BC and AD will be used ‘cause I know it will annoy the socks of some folk on certain apparently religious forums.

Readers have my permission to copy, plagiarise or quote as much as they like ‘cuz if this spreads throughout the cyber world it will be bound to annoy those who have become insufferably pompous, self-righteous, dogmatically boring, ridiculously prejudiced or smugly blinkered in their own opinions, which suits the author fine.

Part 1 Pre-History

This can be divided as follows:

A. Like A Really Very, Very, Very Long Time Ago

During sometime like about 800,000 to 500,000 BC the what we would consider today as a collection of islands off the west coast of Europe, were simply another bumpy bit of whatever Europe would turn out to be.

B. Just A Very, Very Long Time Ago

Sometimes about 350,000 BC islands were experimented with but didn’t seem to attract much interest in the hunter-gathering communities, even with convenient land bridges for those who wanted to change their minds. Neanderthal folk may have arrived but obviously weren’t too impressed as they didn’t even hang around to leave uncomplimentary cave graffiti.

C. A Quite Very Long Time in Terms of Our History Ago

About 44,000-40,000 BC some rather self-important folk who liked to think of themselves as Early Modern Humans turned up, little is knowing about them, other than that one who for a hundred years was known as The Red Lady of Paviland turned out to be a man, which proves anyone can make a mistake. Anyhow they wouldn’t have suited as true natives because it seems about 25,000 BC they were driven out by such a footling thing as the weather, when everyone knows there is nothing so much the folk of these isles like to complain about as the weather.

D. A Very Long Time, But Not So Much If You Are A Palaeontologist Ago

Another group turned up about 13,000 BC, but only hung around a measly 2,000 years before moping back to the Mainland. Though this does prove that despite the recent referendum those who live hereabouts have an affinity for Europe- Ipso Facto (classy quote 1)

E. A Well, It Seems A Long Time  To Us, But Pretty Recent To Folk Who Deal With This Stuff Ago

About 8000 BC folk came along who were not going to be put off, never mind bad weather or possibly vanishing land bridges, no sir! In fact they were so enthusiastic that by 4,500 BC they’d invented farming, and they could settle down to some real serious complaining about the weather. In addition to farming they manufactured so many cups they became known as the Beaker People,

whitebeakerNo! Stop sniggering at the back!!

Beaker people You know very well this is what I mean!!

whether this was through a drive to domestic stability, an early form of tourist industry, or something else to do in the long winter nights remains a question of debate amongst folk who make a living at questions of debate. Most importantly though these people obviously invented the first form of socialism by engaging in the massive public work known as Stonehenge. It must be concluded they wished to ensure there was an air of the enigmatic for future civilisations to ponder on as they left no record of why or how they built it; no doubt once a year many Beaker People who gathered at Stonehenge would laugh and clash beakers together with the ceremonial toast ‘This is gonna annoy ‘em!!’

But all good things must come to an end.

And pre-history ended with the coming of The Celts….

The Celts and the implications of The Celts will be dealt with in next week’s seminar.

A True History of These Isles Part 2 The Celtic Colonisation

History of the Isles Part 3 – Celtic Culture


20 thoughts on “A True History of These Isles-Introduction and Part 1

  1. Oh, nicely done Roger. Everything old is new again as it were! Synchronicity is at play here. I cannot wait to hear about the Celts! I like them so much, I married one! 🙂 When I read your prose on the Celts, I’ll be sure to wear my wee tartan! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Veronica.
      Glad you enjoyed it.
      The Celts will be a challenge as I have to include Irish Celts, Scots Celts and Welsh Celts (that’d be me).
      Wear your tartan anyway (whether it’s Scots or Irish(?)…the welsh were far too austere ….more to follow)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am ever so glad you stumbled onto my blog a while badk and we have become friends!!! You ALWAYS give me a reason to smile, chuckle, and sometimes even outright laugh, and you have taught me much, especially quirky expressions! At the grocery tonight, when I could not see something I was looking for (which was, of course, right in front of my very eyes!), I threw out my arms and said, “Oh my sainted aunt!” I think I might have even done so with a Brit accent 😀 Thank you, Roger, for all you give to us!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words.
      WP has helped me to make some good friends and I’m so glad I found your blog. All through the new(?)feature WP have of throwing out random blogs on the Reader List.
      This is what I’ve always liked about USA. In the UK we’re still going around mostly understated and slightly reserved. Whereas in the US you want new folk to join in and become part of the friendly community straight away. It’s good!!
      “Oh My Sainted Aunt” haha! Spread the words Jill.
      Best wishes

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😀 The reader feature has been around for a while … I rarely use it because I just don’t have as much time as I would like to even read the blogs I already follow, but I do like it … just wish I had a few more hours in each day! 🙂 And yes, here in the U.S. we are less ‘reserved’ than you guys in the UK, but quite frankly, I’m not sure that is always a good thing. Some people here might benefit from a bit more of a ‘filter’ on their mouths!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Currently Reader is announcing ‘Oops!’ ‘An error occurred’
        and displays that about 40 times.
        Me: ‘You don’t say!!’
        (I try not to spend too much time on it as you can indeed find a couple of hours have flown by 🙂).
        I think all nations have more than a fair quota of ‘big mouths’. Then there are some due to the quirks of nature, where the functions of the top and bottom orifices have become reversed!

        Liked by 1 person

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