Of course it should be no surprise how rehearsed words and intentions of dignity mixed with careful balanced analysis evaporate in the furnace of a reality. We are such folk of emotions. I had been working on a post in an anticipation of the result from this collection of islands’ referendum being to leave The European Union. All fine and noble words concerning respecting the democratic decision and something to do with the torch of destiny being passed to others. All ready to go.
The warning signs this was not going to be accomplished in such a generous style kept appearing last night. No matter what I might have hoped for, after 50+ years of following politics and reading histories, something is bound sink and settle into the thought processes, which will assess and conclude, ignoring optimism and wishes. 10.00 pm and the polls had closed and a nervous edge started within me, not for me staying up and losing my precious sleep just to witness what I was worried might happen. Then on the BBC Radio news a glimmer of encouragement….The £ had had a good day on the markets, which was interpreted as the financial wheelers and dealers had had a sniff the vote was going to be Remain and there I was socialist and constant detractor and disparager of Markets and Financial Trading taking hope from their activities!! Part of me was warning the other part ’Boy! Are you desperate for good news!!’…My cranky old very, very left-wing mind knew that was not a good sign; if I was clutching at such straws then some other part of me must have worked out the vote was going to go the other way.
Well I resolved to stay up late, if only to ensure I slept. Watched Pixar/Disney’s Cars. When in doubt always go for the All Ages animations; embrace the child within, pretend it will all be right in the end, just like the films.
So sleep was broken and jumbled. About 5.00 am I was in simply doze state, drifting in and out (Now that was good timing on the behalf of my instincts and sub-conscious because it was about then the confirmation of Leave wining had come through). Anyhow, y’know how when you doze, the drifting can lead to half-dreams, I had a little clutch of them, all to do with conversations concerning Leave winning.
At this stage my hands fly up from the keyboard…No folks myself is not a political pundit extraordinaire! If I must have any label, I’ll settle for one of those Old Testament prophets who went about warning folk.
Anyway along came the confirmation of those who voted roughly 51% of the UK population want to leave The EU; 49% want to stay…Leave wins and I feel like…Well nothing dramatic. I can’t recall how I felt; the closest my memory can advise is ‘Dismay’. We shared the news seated on the bed and drinking tea (what else would a brit do in a crisis?), worried what sort of future awaited our children and grandchildren. I posted up a few obligatory unhappy comments on Facebook with like-minded folk (well you have to, don’t you; like it mattered). I wondered how the 25% who didn’t vote were wondering, maybe most of them still didn’t care.
Initially tried to make the best of it. The debate has been poisonous and no matter which way the official of the Leave campaign care to dress it up or which flavoured sugared icing they use, they raised the issue of Race under the guise ‘concerns about immigration’. So I told myself if the vote had gone the other way by that narrow margin, there would have been a very loud minority claiming we were only staying in because ‘they’ ( ie anyone not white & born in this country) had voted for us to stay, and this would lead to abuse and attacks. (There will be those of course but maybe less). Well that kind of sour medicine doesn’t work for long.
I was on supermarket duty today, normally I don’t inflict my voice on anyone, but Talking Heads ‘Once in a Lifetime’ kept breaking through, with emphasis on ‘My God! What have I done?’, then there was the very grimly trippy Jefferson Airplane song ‘House At Pooniel Corner’ (strictly hippie 60s stuff), ‘Epitaph’ by King Crimson (doesn’t really age, but not a laugh by any means) and Dylan’s ‘It’s All Over Now Baby Blue’. I must have been dirge-ing these quite quietly as no security guard asked me to leave; but they got the job done
710 words in and I’ve not explained why I feel like this…..
That’s for tomorrow folks and a clear head.