Yep! That got ’em
Warning: Although the following does contain material of an adult nature it is not as salaciously interesting as you thought it was going to be. This is mostly directed at men, so naturally women will be trampling over anyone who gets in the way of the screen.
Now I don’t normally look at the ‘News’ pages of the Social Network sites. If the item is important and relevant news, then it is out of date. If there are videos of cute pets then I will go to YouTube where the load-up time is far quicker. If ‘Who????’ is no longer in a relation with ‘Who???’ the matter is between them and of no part of my life. If there is a wardrobe malfunction, unless it involves some head of state or highly touted person who has a position of influence, I am not interested; obviously structural engineering has had its day in the fashion industry. HOWEVER, bearing in mind the latter, there was a UK item a few weeks back involving a personality of the female gender.
“Camel’s foot?” spake I unto myself “What the Oxford English are they babbling about?….Surely not!…..(refer to search engine)……Oh fer the love of Giovanni Boccaccio!”
I am not in the habit of denigrating any species of animal for its appearance…but???!!
By what singularly systemic malfunction of the male thought processes does a particular subject matter on which we spend much time thinking about and hopefully a mutually delightful time getting to know, become named in such derogatory terms?
Let us cease our sad imagining of ourselves as being a roistering, rollicking, yet good-hearted semi-clad barbarian of a non-existent bygone age. Let us settle ourselves in this time and this place and spake thus:
“Hey girl. That’s one fine camel’s foot!!”
Now there is slim chance of that bringing you a favourable response, and if it does; well speaking personally I would wish to be associated with the lady in question.
Think carefully…Does that match up in poetic and complementary quality to ‘How Shall I compare Thee to A summer Rose?”
Yes I know there are legion of such similar terms, but you dare only use them in the company of social media where the girls can’t get at you or in the company of other males where the process of desensitisation takes place. So let’s just look at some of the more lyrical and aesthetically pleasing terms:
El keuss (Perfumed Garden- Y’know a book of naughtiness from Old Arabia)
Belle-chose (14th century)
Altar of Venus (16th century)
Nature’s Treasury (17th century)
Petticoat Lane (18th century)
Venerable Monosyllable (18th Century)
Cyprian fountain (19th century)
There are those not more complimentary? Do you not think they would be received with more welcome? (There’s also Mrs Fubb’s pallor- but I wouldn’t advise it; you know how malicious coincidence can be- the person of your desire’s might well know or even be related to a family of Fubbs, so the resulting confusion could only be guessed at)
And while we are on the subject we all know those terms of self-aggrandisement we bestow upon the male equivalent as if it were an object of awe and wonder comparable to Nature’s more spectacular geological elevations. (Pause to let the girls reading this make comment…Really madam?…He must have to be very careful in public places,)….Are we all composed?…Good. Then let us consider the rare few mature alternatives.
The silent flute
Credentials (though not a lot of use when a bunch of males see a sign asking for Credentials to be Displayed)
(There’s also Mr Peaslin, but we have the same problem as with the unfortunate Mrs Fubb and I shudder to think what social misfortunes could take place were folk of these names to live in the same location).
So gentlemen let us have no more of these foolish words, for we spend a great deal of time and effort getting there, we should at least afford the final destination a degree of consistent approval.(thank you dear lady, but I think I have the subject under control matter)
And as a final admonishment. Do not search engine for Peaslin or Fubb, you’ll either find hapless innocents who should be left alone or silly folk who think themselves the height of wit by changing their name thus)
What am I typing dear?
Oh nothing much, just a few words
Laptop is slammed shut.