At The Character Conference

You know how it goes, struggling with your characters, just not doing it as you imagined they would. Don’t you just feel they actually exist somewhere? So let’s put them in that context (with many apologies to The Great Bob Newhart- I don’t come close sir)….

OK folks, if I hope you’ve all read the synopsis and the narrative so far. Now I know some of you are new here and have heard some depressing talk about the previous NNQP epic being a bust and stuff like ‘who cares’, ‘so what’ and ‘maybe the working title should be Titanic II’, but let’s put all that aside and hear some constructive conversations…

Yes, Crazy Girl, thought it might be you first….Well it’s only an index-name sweetie, you’ll have a proper name in time…Hmm it’s catchy but a bit anatomical don’t you think? Of course we appreciated the work you put in on some of the NNQP drafts, that’s why we bought you in for this….Yes I can assure you, you’ll be in this…This time you don’t want to be stuck with unhinged grins, you feel you can work more with the eyes….Well that’s kind of the Central Girl’s thing…I mean she’s quiet and expressive at the same time….Err Central Girl could you just……See, that’s what I mean Crazy, could you combine sardonic with innocence?….Errr you might want to save that remark for the episode prior to where your mutual antagonism turns to sisterly bonding…no that’s not after you strangle the little twit. I think you’re getting a bit too much in character….Central Girl lower than finger please, it maybe typical of your expressive but quiet character but it’s not currently contributing…. We’d best move on…..

Oh, OK, Incompetent and Corrupt Lawmen, sure if you got something to say, fire away. Yes, loved your work guys. That was straight down the line and bags of character too…Well, gee guys you had to get killed off, that was the deal. I’m sure you could have played it comic and been constant foils, but y’know NNQP’s light-weight formula didn’t seem to resonate, and so in this project we had to have a gritty start. I’m not so sure of the fake deaths, I mean you guys got burnt to death and all….Sure I’m loving the enthusiasm….errr…maybe we’ll just stick a pin in that….No I didn’t mean that literally lads…..Sure it’s funny and I’m glad you kept it within your team.

Now you guys, The Serious Dudes, I know it’s tough that we’ve not got it worked out who are the really villains, who finds redemption and who remains true to their tough but straight road, but just think of it as Life, and don’t forget it’s heading for more than one volume, so we’re in the long haul here…..Well, yes I guess we can work in a love interest for one of you….No I don’t think all of you, and….Yes I’m sure you’d all be comfortable with it, but it would kind of stray from the narrative….Not your dam’ narrative?… It’s a point I suppose. We’ll just see how that works out……. Nnnno we can’t work in ‘Hi Beloved Fluffy, I’m Home,’ I’ don’t see it….Yes I know it worked in in 1960s US sit-coms, but concentrate here guys (somebody check what’s in their coffee, please….boy these old veterans are a tough gig).

Umm…Handsome Heroic Male, now I know it’s early days, but I’m not picking up an enthusiastic vibe from you….Y’ say that’s because you didn’t get to spend enough time in bed with Mystery Lady….Mystery Lady I’d rather you didn’t exchange expressive finger gestures with Central Girl, she’d supposed to be the innocent one….Now that’s just your opinion Crazy Girl….Ok folks we’re wandering here, let’s get back to you Handsome. I mean, like, you are the action character, the swift-witted, daring man of the world, ever searching for The Truth. No, you can’t have a magic sword….well because you’re a man of reason; you don’t embrace the magic…Tragic soliloquies? Look if you’re in for the long haul you’re only going to be allowed one, I mean we can’t hold up the whole thing every so often for you to address the fourth wall or some peasants…..Yes Several Peasants you’ll get your say…So let’s concentrate here Handsome I’m expecting some feedback here, I mean I don’t want to discuss Heroic Deaths this early, but y’know I gotta do, what I gotta do.

Fine folks, I think we all have something to work with here and a lot to think about, sorry if you didn’t all get to say something, but it’s time to work. Work, work people!!….Now that’s just crude Crazy Girl!!

(Man, someone get me the headache pills, which ones I just don’t care)

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