Let’s Look On The Positive Side of Obscurity
Now let us be honest. Right. So let me be honest. No one is reading this blog; in the present that is, it is therefore a blog for the future. This gives me a great deal of freedom, as I do not have to worry about self-censorship or backlashes from any groups that were offended by something they read on the blog and are now cyber-heckling me. Nor do I need to worry about any legal action from any commercial concern; if folk who read blogs for entertainment are not going to read it, then why should I worry about commercial concerns with far more important things to do, such as making a profit or failing that a loss which they can shift onto some hapless soul who is not too swift on economics. Or cause even more pressure by expecting to be entertained, informed or enlightened by every blog.
So free of such constraints I am going to take my UK stand against commercial companies who send out junk mail in brown envelopes. For those who live elsewhere, it has been a decades old tradition that correspondence from central or local government should always be sent in brown envelopes. So if a UK citizen sees a brown envelope lying upon the doormat, then they have to prepare themselves for a dose of Officialdom.
But now in a sneaky attempt to get us to read things we don’t care to commercial outfits are sending their tawdry items in brown envelopes in the hope that we will unsuspectingly open them and be caught by snare of their words.
Well let me tell you Sneaky Company as far as I am concerned you take your product and imitate the actions of a suppository with it! How dare you try and use the noble brown envelope for such shabby business. If I had wanted your products I would have sought them out on the net! –
(Y’see any popular blogger would have to spend such a long time worrying about how to present that. Not me. Because no one is reading my blogs. Ha-ah! I am free to say just what I like and it is persevered for….errrr…well it is preserved!)
You see there are benefits to being totally unknown!
Ok, so nothing is happening to your work, and no one seems to care. There you are with your BLOG and your FACEBOOK account AND your TWITTER (thing?), with a #; but the only person who visits is yourself when you check just what you wrote last night (or three weeks ago, if you had been in a SFW mood).
It is therefore time to consider your work in the context of Human History, after all there will always be someone trying to find out just what ‘we’ were getting up to, during the ‘Past’ (or ‘Present’). Now since the vast amount of written work on paper will be lost, torn, burnt or shredded, any future historian will be so excited when they find a few bits of paper, from ‘long ago’, the more obscure the better. For an obscure person of today is the ‘Common Person’ of tomorrow and the voice of the ordinary person; just the sort the historians like to find.
Now it is very important that if you should wish to take part in this sure-fire way of gaining immortality, it is important to get a print-out of everything you have on the cyber world, because it is possible that (a) Civilisation will crash and how to make the stupid things from the 20th/21st centuries to work properly has been lost OR (b). Civilisation will not crash, but the computer technology will be so advanced that it will not be able to read such primitive stuff and in true programme fashion refuses to co-operate in any attempt to do so OR (c) A.I will flourish and the A.I community will calculate that no one in The Modern Era will be interested in the sort of stuff recorded in the 20th/21st centuries and wipe it clear to make room for the more important modern stuff.
So with this in mind get a good strong container, carefully wrap all your work within several air tight layers and seal it, then having filled a box (Oh come on you must be able to fill a box with your work; as an unsuccessful writer you should have a goodly collection of papers); prepare to fill another one. Thus will all your work be preserved!
Now at this stage before you get too carried away, you will need to plan where you will have your work stored, when you are part of history. Also you should ensure you have started to keep a diary as this will be essential for an Historian when studying the Common Person.
I tell you, it’s a certain way to gain immortality!
While we are all thinking about ways to encourage ourselves during the long lean period of waiting to be recognised (see post 20th July 2015) it is worthwhile wondering about the strategies on how to be noticed. Of course there are many wise and helpful hints on how to do this. However in a realms where the blogs and tweets are as numerous as the stars in sky getting noticed about anything is hard work, never mind the circumstance of having to make people think they want to read your book (Oh yes, that’s what you are trying to do, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; the niches and the genres are as full as a commuter transport device during the rush-hour and you are struggling for at least elbow room).
There are stratagems which although might not have been successful are worthy of comment for their heroic scope in determination and imagination.
- Standley Bunchberry:-a person who struck his impressionable teens during the 1960s and opted for the angry, brooding, sardonic personae really got into his stride by the turn of the millennium by gaining access to an empty building opposite a bookshop on the day a much touted and commercially sound author had their latest release. Standley with a hundred copies of (by his own admission) his masterpiece ‘Breaking Scones at The Bus Shelter’ threw out copies of the said work while crying loudly ‘Save You Money, and your Intellect! Read this!’ He’d failed to remember that the avant-garde of the late 1960s-1970s with its intention to shock and surprise both physically and mentally had faded from the population, in particular the physical bit. People who had grown up with that had got older and thus tetchy. Younger people objected to having their personal space intruded upon by 200+ bound pages.Everyone had something, not very favourable to say about it. Although he realised early on that in the name of art the crowd were not likely to stop the police stopping him, he quit, leaving his books behind. He was obliged to change his name, hair colouring and location to avoid the authorities, those struck or nearly struck by the books and also the few who had actually read some of the said work.
2. Curdley Hollinbrou: decided one needed to stand out, and managed to take a mundane route. He firstly changed his name to Plain John Smith, and people kept misunderstanding by thinking he was making reference to his name and so recorded him as John Smith and his submissions were confused with thousand of others by folk who were using the name same literally or ironically. He then changed it to Not Henry Jones and offended several people in the publishing industry either with that name or had close associations with a Henry Jones and wanted to know just why he did not want to be known as Henry Jones, which flustered him a little and as his style of explaining irony was not very effective he just came across as someone who objected to the name with such a vehemence that he wished the world to know about it. He finally settled on K. Henning. Bradspie; people wanted to know why he had punctuation in his name, he said he hadn’t noticed, it did not leave a good impression, but he stuck with the name and opted for writing works with very odd titles. ‘Under The Florid Visage of The Lock Keeper’s Daughter’ failed because he could not get beyond the title. ‘Looking for Bunchberry and Other Recipes’ an internet serving only served to get him hit in the face by a total stranger who said ‘leave me alone’. ‘Uncle Soloventure’s Last Ice Cream’ was sent to a possible publisher wherein sat a sub-editor of a compassionate nature who misconstrued the metaphor and ‘K’ was visited by the police and social services who both expressed concern for his mental stability and potential for self-harm. After this he turned his skill to criticism and now spends his time long, involved and disgruntled reviews on Amazon which no one understands, much less feels inclined to comment on.
3. Harriet Jasmine Lentil. Upon deciding that she was wasting her time with publishers, agents and other such stuff took to self-publishing on a grand scale. As there is no one to stop her, she has currently accumulated a catalogue of some 53 books, covering such subjects as Cooking: ‘Shrimps and Mashed Swedes in Ten Ways’; Travelling: ’10 useless travel guides’ (not subject to court action as none has noticed it); Biographies :’ Beans and Gladstone’ Military History: ‘ Waterloo- Montgomery’s First Gamble’; Romance: ‘Pale As The Gooseberry Hairs’ and Action/Thriller: ‘Let Slip The Dogs That Chew’. She possesses 10 Facebook identities; has 3 Twitter accounts, 4 websites and contributes to 50 forums. Apparently not even trolls have noticed her. She views it all as Very Promising.
I am sure there is inspiration enough for everyone.